Dreaming of where I want to be .............

transition

2011-07-31T09:28:00.001+10:00

Transition

I am planning on changing over to Wordpress, so if you are interested in following our journey, please come and join me over at DreamBelieve

Local Celebrity

2011-07-30T08:40:00.002+10:00

So the news is out.

A local magazine is going to do a 4 part series on the husband and I about our trip and resulting bub (fingers crossed).

I thought, OK, this is OK, but now they want to come over and take photo's of the husband and I, now that feels hard.

I got through the probing questions about the start of our relationship, when I realised there was a problem with our fertility, went through all of our testing and procedures. It was feeling really hard for a while there, nearly wanted to pull the plug, but pushed through.

I am a little freaked out that there will be a photographer in my home tomorrow.

On better new, mum will be released from rehab on Tuesday, that sounds wrong doesn't it, released, sounds like she is getting out of jail or substance rehab.

So not sure if I told you that I had my hair all cut off? Well I did, and now it also is a different colour, I have gone lighter, it will be even lighter by the time I head to the States. Its funny because of the photo shoot, I had originally given the magazine a photo of my long dark hair, which was curled for my nieces wedding. I thought I was smart because then no one would recognise me in the magazine, but now they will get current photo's, not happy Jan :(

So, there is 27 days until we leave! Its now coming really quickly and really becoming a reality....

I'm still a bit perplexed about what to take with us, don't know whether to bring allot of clothes or not, since I might want to buy some clothes in the States, whether to bring much in the way of shampoo and conditioner, since it will weigh allot in our cases to bring enough toiletries for 5 weeks, I think I will just bring a small bottle of each and buy the rest in the States. All these little things is what is swimming in my head at the moment.

My body also is giving me some grief. If your a guy, this is where you stop reading.

I am on the pill to get my cycle where the clinic needs it. In doing so, I am skipping a period and continuing to take the active pills. Well my body is saying, no, I want to give you this period, you must take it. So at the moment, I am suffering the cramps but to date, no period as yet.

I don't know if this has been the same experience that others have had, would be interesting tohear from anyone reading who has gone through similar experience.

Well have to go for now, well check back maybe after the photo shoot tomorrow. EEEERK

5 weekends

2011-07-23T07:54:00.002+10:00

That's all we have until our trip!

It is amazing, I can't believe how fast its moving. We have booked all of our hotels, the last one changed to a Hollywood hotel. I am so nervous about flying, not looking forward to that side of it but I am excited about the food I have read on allot of menus.

Last night I went out and got my hair colour changed and had the chop. That should make for interesting customs conversation trying to get out of Australia and into LAX.

I guess the count down will start soon, I will have to make some lists, start getting things together for our cases.

I have been really stressed about work, my mother, the trip and 'the husbands' business. All things are getting better but I can't help but try to control everything. I know that I can't be everything to everyone but this is what I have been in a long time, its hard to stop.

Well I have the in laws coming for Indian tonight, will drop some off to mum as well, she loves Indian food. Mum has moved over to rehab now, she has been there for about 6 days now, not sure exactly how long she will be there for, but as long as she can start to walk by herself and get some of her Independence back again, it will be worth it.

My dogs have all had their won issues as well, Becky's heart murmer is getting worse, I have her on up to 5 tablets a day, now I have started to cook and give her low sodium food in a hope that it will help, it doesn't appear to be helping yet :( Molly had issues with her ears, lucky the medication fixed it, we thought she may have had to undergo surgery but lucky she didn't. Humphrey, well he has been Humphrey, no issues really to speak of with him, luck is on my side with him :)

Well better make a move to get this place ready for the in laws.

Nothing new but nothing old either

2011-07-13T14:36:00.002+10:00

I'm finding it difficult to remove blogs from my blog list, even those that haven't blogged in months. Sometimes is just too hard to let go, like Big Al or Polar's Mom.... I keep hoping that they will come back but they still don't seem to be anywhere, maybe they have gotten on with their real lives??

I have finally started to prepare for our trip to the States. Since I am travelling all the way to another country, I didn't want to leave anything to chance, so I have started the Pill a month early. God I hate the Pill, it makes me feel blah, sick, blah. So I am taking it at night and hoping I can get through the most of it through my sleep. Its not working.

I have been really stressed of late. The Husband is now working for himself full time from home. It is soo hard to leave every day knowing he is still in bed and is home all day while I'm at a work place :(

Work has been stressing me. Its been really busy because we have been short of staff and I am having to help where I don't want to be, making me angry :(

Mum is still in the hospital, that is taking its toll on me, mentally and physically :(

But did you know that there is only 44 days until we fly out to LA :)

The Husband has started dreaming about us having twins, a boy and a girl. He then goes on to tell me that as soon as the babies are born, I want to go back for more treatment/babies!! Can you even imagine?? I told you we have great vibes about this treatment :)

My new bathing suit has arrived and I am very excited. We are still looking into things to do while we are there, The Husband would like to travel to NYC to attend Ground Zero and pay our respects, however we have to fit in with the clinic so these things might have to be looked at once we arrive and get a schedule set in stone.

Anywho, best be making a move, I'm meant to be at work, doing work stuff ;)

nothing really to title this as...

2011-07-03T09:25:00.003+10:00

As per usual, I am back and forth to the hospital, mum got so sick this time so suddenly that she was blinded, literally blinded. She had gotten up in the morning to go to the toilet and could no longer see! By the time she got to the hospital, she had NO blood pressure at all. Once they got her stabilised, she spent a few days in ICU, went to a unit within the hospital however her breathing again got really laboured, nearly went back to ICU, but mum resisted so they dealt with her in the unit. Blood sugars continued to drop every day, one ICU nurse told me that its concerning that her body might be shutting down. It is still hard for me to believe because she is still talking to me.

I am still the point of contact so everyone is calling/txting me to find out what is happening, I just want to shout that if people went to see her, they would know how she is. I work full time but still manage to see her every day. They don't call her because they would prefer her direct number which I can't give them, its obviously to hard to call through reception.

I am really worried that one of these days, coming soon will be the end. I don't know what will be worse, her going before we leave for the US, or something happening while we are in the US, what will I do without her in my life. She is my best friend. 'The Husband' has even asked me if I want to be told if something happens while we are away. I don't know how to answer that question.

Weight loss is not happening, I don't have enough hours/minutes in the day to be thinking about what I am or not eating, allot of the time its just take out on the way home from the hospital.

'The Husband' is no longer employed, causing me more stress, he is basically working for himself however it doesn't make me feel secure. I'm worried about our trip to the US, will we have enough cash. I just don't know anymore. I am visualising our trip, I can see it, I can taste it but do I really believe we will be there?? Yes and No.

Its been a while

2011-06-23T18:58:00.002+10:00

I can't believe its nearly been a month since I updated.

Oops, sorry, how neglectful of me.

I am getting extremely excited for our trip, the days are counting down very quickly, 64 days until we fly out to LA.

'The Husbands' home business is cranking along, so much he can hardly keep up, she is continuing to hint that he might have to give up his full time job. I will resist for as long as I can. I just don't trust that the second shoe might drop and he ends up with no work at all.

My job has been very busy. I am getting extremely frustrated with some of my co worker, some of them are so slack and I have to pick up the slack allot. I had to let my team leader know today how I was getting frustrated. It just wasn't fair to myself.

We have been contacted by our clinic for our doctors clinic in the States, 2.15pm on the day we arrive in LA. Nothing like getting the ball rolling. LOL

So that's about it, not much to update really.

I am still wanting to loose some weight before heading over but sometimes its easier to say than do. I would love to lose 2 kilos per week but 1 per week would be great too.

Any way, this is it, I'm done, got to get the cake out of the oven, ok the diet can be after the cake.

touching base

2011-05-27T06:40:00.002+10:00

Well what's been happening??

I've had good news and some bad news.....

The Bad:

My cousin unfortunately miscarried, she was 20 weeks and having a boy. Very sad, she had recently had a baby girl and was shocked and excited to find she was pregnant again but took it in her stride. In the mean time her partner, my aunt and her children lost there home also due to no work and the loss of her business a while ago. They are all moving interstate but not before she must arrange a heart breaking funeral for her baby boy.

My niece whom also recently tied the knot with one of the most frustrating men I know has been knocked off her butt as well. Her new husband quit/got sacked from the new job 'the husband' got for him. She has decided to interview for a new job that pays more (since she is the sole bread winner) but before that happened her paternal grandmother had a brain aneurysm and has passed away, the funeral being Monday this week.

The Good:

Well its always a good week when mum's home and not in the hospital. She was also admitted to the hospital the same weekend at the other grandmother, which she stayed for about a week but has been home for a week now.

My brother and his wife leave for the States tomorrow and gave us a call last night. Unusual so I stated to freak out when he said..... No need to panic but I wanted you to hear it from me.... I had to brace myself thinking that he knew something about my parents that I hadn't been told yet.... but to my surprise it wasn't....

He went on to say, well we know about your situation, and we didn't want you to hear this from someone else..... Cassie is pregnant! Cassie is my other niece. She is an only child so this is fantastic news for my brother and his wife. Cas has been married going on 2.5 years, she is 27 years of age and is so happily married it makes you sick. She and her husband have travelled the world since he works for one of our large airlines in engineering and I think they are going to be blessed and live a great life.

Well, I started writing this post on Friday morning and its now Saturday, been up since 6.15am and 1 thing has changed from above. Of course its mum, she is back in hospital. She has cellulitis in her right leg, they did think that it could have been another blood clot but it is believed now that it may be just the cellulitis. Thank goodness. I started to get frustrated yesterday when she went back into the hospital, they never seem to look at previous records. Mum was in hospital only the week before where they were trying to manage her pain but do you think that they wrote up her pain medication yesterday??/ No of course not, so had to make sure before I left last night that she would be comfortable.

You know the older they come the younger they seem. Strange isn't it. I feel like they are children again and I need to make sure that they are OK and that only I can make things better, like they have no voice for themselves or that they don't know direction any longer. I think its me, not them that needs to adjust and just back off sometimes.

Diet/lifestyle changes...
I have a friend who has taken on the Bodytrim system, her results, 19 kilo loss in 10 weeks. Sounds fantastic to me. On the little I have read of the book, it appears to be a high protein diet, much like the Durkin diet, first 3 days being protein only.... Thought I would give it a go, little trial so to speak.

Feelings

2011-05-08T08:03:00.003+10:00

I got a text message the other night that I should be happy about but my feelings were ...... assaulted, battered, worn down, you get what I mean. What did it say?

"It's a boy and Lucas will be home this weekend a new baby brother for Olivia
and she is very excited"

Its not that I was not excited or happy for them but to be able to adopt 2 babies so quickly just did my head in when it seemed that someone deemed me not worthy of 1. I remember giving that person the advise, from IVF to adoption, and then they get through for the second time and we couldn't get through for the 1st time.

I feel like this time in LA is going to work and I feel like we are going to be blessed with twins, maybe a boy and a girl but I feel really lucky to have been given the opportunity to be a mother. I so feel like this is going to work. Am I crazy? I don't know, I like this kind of crazy.

Update

2011-05-07T07:01:00.012+10:00

So a couple of things have gone down since I last updated.

Mum had another fall out of bed on Monday, thought she might of broken a hip, unluckily it turn out to be nothing, after the x-rays and having the physio help her work, she came home from the hospital. I took her dogs to the vet Tuesday, left one there for surgery, Wednesday did the pick up and took home back to mum's. By the time I got back she was on the phone with the hospital...... wait for it ..... they reviewed her x-rays, she does have a hairline break in her pelvis??

Oh that's why it hurts like f*ck!

Result, bed rest for the next few weeks. Fun for everyone around her, she does not stay in bed people!

A week ago I also had to take my Miss Becky to the vet also, she had developed a bit of a cough, I was just praying for no kennel cough, especially since we have to other dogs at home.

Well kennel cough would have been less expensive. Miss Becky has a heart murmur. That's right, on a scale of 1 to 6, she is a 4. Thank God, 5 and 6 are surgery. She will be on medication for the rest of her little life but at least I still have her. $120 per month for meds, I just try not to think of the cost over a 5 year span although I hope she will live forever.

My sister from another mother, Kerrie, has contacted me to advise that she has friends in America that can get accommodation for me cheaper, so just waiting to hear if the cost is less than my original quotes, not holding my breath but any saving is good for spending money ;)

I am on my weight loss journey still. Although I thought about doing the Master Cleanse, I have come to my senses and have changed my plans and will update with a new weight update in a week or two. Start weight is 91.5 on Friday 6th May. Although everyone thinks that I hold my weigh well and no one can see the weight on me, I can see it. I also just saw the professional photo's of my nieces wedding and those freakin fat arms are in them, not happy Jan, so have to start doing some light weights to fix that issue.

I fixed the sneaker issue by of course buying new shoes. I brought some Portland Get Fit Lift shoes, they are like the tone ups but the Aussie version I guess. I can tell you that they do make for some sore shins after a couple of days. But with the little peep hole in the top, it helped with the tattoo.

the problem is

2011-04-26T09:17:00.003+10:00

having a tattoo on my foot means that I can't put on my sneakers for 2 weeks!

Never thought of that before, until yesterday when I had to go looking for track pants or sneakers. I can only were my low cut flat shoes, OK for work but we have a 5 day long weekend here.

I so want to get out and go for a walk but I can't in those flat shoes. Its so boring at home at the moment, there is nothing on television, how many times can you brush the dogs??

Think I might go to the hardware and gardening store, maybe I can get started on my front garden makeover.

Bored bored booorrreeedddd

2011-04-24T07:56:00.002+10:00

So yesterday I went and got my first ever tattoo.

I won't lie, it was painful but well worth it I think.

It is a dragonfly which is symbolism of myself and renewal in attitude and life changing, as well as dream catcher, of course we are always chasing dreams, whether that's, weight loss, the house of your dreams or the holiday you've always wanted, if you aren't dreaming then you might as well give up on living, and lastly the 10 stars, which symbolise the 110 embryos a special family have donated to the husband and I.

The huband also went and got himself a tattoo which is for his brother who died in his arms, it isn't finished yet so won't post a picture as yet until its coloured in.

So there you go, finally we have the tattoo, was thinking about having 'DREAM' and 'BELIEVE' on each wrist. Still thinking about that for now.

the day of pain

2011-04-23T07:59:00.002+10:00

Today is the day that I receive my tattoo. I'm getting really nervous at the moment about how painful it will be on my foot and also the fact that it will cover most of my right foot. Is it the right place to have the tattoo? I don't know but I know I want to see it not have it on my back where I can't see it most of the time. But I won't be able to cover it, you will see it with most shoes that I wear, is that a problem? No not really but I am someone that does worry about how people see me. It is now 8.03am and at 10am I will start to receive the tattoo and by 11.30am it will be over. I will then still go and gather up my mother and take her shopping as per usual, don't know how that will go but I must do what I must do.

The Husband will then start to receive his tattoo after me. He is getting his right forearm done in honour of his brother, who died in 'the husbands' arms when they were together riding their motorbikes. Its been about 6 years since then and its taken this time to get the right thing designed and finally move forward.

A big day for us, symbolically.

Detox

2011-04-22T08:14:00.003+10:00

Yesterday I decided that I think I need to do a detox. I felt really bloated and had pains in my stomach area. I felt like I had increased my inners x 3 all within my 8 hour work day and was so uncomfortable by the end of the day.

So I started looking at the Master Cleanse. I have been looking at others posts on YouTube to see results good and bad, some lose weight with the cleanse, skin is great, no hunger but some get rashes big time. So I have ordered the ebook to give it a good read first. It can't do my any harm (unless I get a rash) to be able to clean out my system of any built up crap in my system. I have watched some strange shows like 'most embarrassing illness' where they do coffee enemas and they pass 'colon plague' by the bucket full. Although they lose weight, its like internal weight, not outer weight. After all it is all but a fluid diet so its not like you are really going to be using it like a diet.

I have seen some on YouTube that have done the cleanse for 40 days, well that's commitment. I don't think I could do it for that long, 10 day minimum will be big for me.

Its just a thought at the moment, not determined. Don't know how I could do the saltwater flush and still be able to get any work done at work, my bathroom at work is not very close to my desk, apparently its a mad rush to 'eliminate' within 2 hours of the saltwater flush.

As you can probably see I have added a countdown ticker for leaving for LA and for the transfer. I am really getting excited now. Sorry for my American friends but the AUD/USD $ is great for our trip at the moment. I just can't wait to pack our bags, although I am scared about flying. I just am not a good flier, something about lack of control and feet not being on the ground, less distance to fall.

all going great

2011-04-16T10:22:00.003+10:00

This week has gone from good to great! Mum has been quiet well for her, she has a sore back but is getting stronger everyday. They have even given in to the fact that they can't do everything and have a guy coming to do the dawns and gardening once a month. That means a happy family because no one will be nagging to have the lawn mowed ;) We received 'The husband' passport in the mail, so the Visa Waivers are done - tick we also received our International Drivers licenses in the mail - tick Travel insurance purchased - tick I did purchase the airline tickets and booked a car from the airport - tick however someone at work mentioned that they thought we were very brave getting a car from the airport since we will be getting off a long haul flight, driving on the wrong side of the road and trying to get out of the airport with inter contenting freeways............... well when you say it like that............... might cancel the car from the airport, will probably get a shuttle from the airport to the hotel then get the hire car. I have chosen the hotels, yes that's right hotels. We have decided to move hotels, not too far from the clinic but enough to make it feel new over the 5 weeks, the last week being very close tot he beach, well on top of the beach. We will do some trips in the spare time, like a trip to Mexico for the day, a 3 day 2 night trip over to Vagas baby with a side trip to the Grand Canon. 'The Husband' isn't that interested in going to Disney Land and as I don't do rides I don't really care but others have told us we should go anyway because its not just about the rides. If anyone can think of something else we can/should do, feel free to comment. I've currently been dieting for our trip, nothing crazy but it has shown some results thus far, Monday I was 91.6 and as of Saturday are 90.0, now I haven't exercised like I should have but still have these results, it can only get better. Although yesterday at woek I won the Easter raffle....... a massive basket of eggs and bunnies, however I had just been sent on a mission to the lollie shop for the mothers barley sugar that I swear she is addicted to more than she was to the smokes, and thought, I should by the easter eggs for everyone, called the mother, she put in a request, after I spent $51 for gifts from me and $58 for gifts from the mother and then I arrive back to work and after spending $6 on raffle tickets (9 tickets in totol) I win the mother load! Lucky I don't really eat chocolate cause we could really be in trouble with the diet. 132 days until we fly to LA!

136 days till we fly

2011-04-12T20:23:00.004+10:00

We are getting another step closer. Today we received our e-tickets for the flights and 'the husbands' passport is waiting at the post office for him to collect tomorrow. The international drivers licenses should be here Wednesday or Thursday and the car rental has been booked. Next we can apply for our Visa waivers tomorrow night and waiting to book the accommodation because it appears that the Internet doesn't like to book anything more that 25 days. Still have to work out what we are going to do about the pets. We could get someone to come and house sit for the 5 weeks, remembering we have 3 dogs, 2 cats and 4 snakes. I got a quote for a dog kennel and cattery which worked out to be something like $3000. So we have a nephew we can ask to come and stay or a sister in-law to take some of the dogs and someone to come to the house to feed the cats but what to do, what to do? We have 136 days until we fly out, not that I'm counting or anything :) I have started a small diet, not mentioning a great deal about it but hopefully it will make a difference between pregnant or not.

Treatment info

2011-04-10T08:45:00.004+10:00

So although we know we are coming to the States for the embryo adoption, I haven't really talked much about the treatment and transfer....

We will be starting with a blood test and ultrasound to check my ovaries and lining (possibly here in Australia or in the States) on the 26th August

then if we aren't already in the States we will fly over and go to the clinic on the 31st August - on this day we have our first shot of Delestrogen injection

on the 3rd Sept next Delestrogen shot

7th Sept next appointment with the doctor/clinic, another shot of Delestrogen

10th Sept - Delestrogen shot

14th Sept - Delestrogen shot

16th add 1cc Progesterone shot

17th 2cc Progesterone daily and Delestrogen

18/19/20th 2cc Progesterone

21st Delestrogen and TRANSFER -back to hotel and rest for 2 days

30th Sept first PREGNANCY TEST

4th Oct second PREGNANCY TEST

Daily I am taking Pregnancy Platinum vitamins and Folic Acid supplements

Our clinics web pages has success rates based on the egg donors age, since our egg donor was under 35 at the time of conception of the embryos, their success rate is 48%. I hoping that this will be a good vibe for us, especially with all that has happened this week with everything falling into place.

I am really excited to receive 'the husbands' passport early this week and then our international drivers licenses, next to apply for our Visa waiver (have to wait for the other passport).

We are on our way babies, only 4 and a bit months left before we fly out to meet you.....

updates

2011-04-09T07:03:00.005+10:00

It is really REAL we are coming to America I have had my annual leave approved, my passport is here (just waiting for the husbands on Monday). Live has been good to us this week, let me explain.... I put in my leave a week or so ago, my Team Leader thought she knew how to process leave without pay, so it sat on her desk for a week until the rostering lady asked when I was going to apply for my leave? I told her I had but since it has to go through her, she was puzzled. I sent the TL a quick email to let her know that I had been asked about the leave, which had her pointed into the right direction. The HR person came to request if I would give her approval to advise the head of the company why I wanted unpaid leave, he must have been racking his brain as to what my 'medical procedure being performed in United States' meant, maybe he thought I would be coming back with a breast enhancement of double E! So with some information relaid, the leave is approved. Great I now have the time now to come up with the money. Low and behold, I get home that night and there is a cheque in the mail for $6330. I now that we would be getting it sooner or later but not sooner. Life is good, could it get better?? I am at work on Friday, after having a crap Thursday at work, when the TL wants to see me again. Geez, if she has 'words' with me about someone else's job again that I am helping out with, I will spit it. I am just breathing, thinking about the 139 days until we leave for America. The kicker, just when you least expect something, BAM, take that. The big bosses at my work place have decided that because of my 'holiday reason' I am no longer having leave WITHOUT pay, they will pay me while I am away! Now I am taking 5 weeks leave, 3 of which were leave without pay. That's going to equal about $2000 bonus. Even if I leave the work place, pregnant or not, I do not owe them the money! What? How is the universe smiling on me so much, not that I am questioning the universe but lets just say, I will be playing the lotto this week. Its a nice change from what the universe had been dishing out. So we are planning on leaving Australia for the US on approx 26th August until end of September. Planning in some day trips, maybe to Mexico and Vagas, maybe some other places. Now it really is REAL.

PLANS

2011-03-27T09:32:00.005+11:00

I've applied for the annual leave to come over to the States, applied for a new passport and just purchased some new luggage. I'd say the plans are a GO

Am I a little excited? HELL yeah

Days and weeks are moving so fast and soon it will be time to get on that jet airplane and fly for some 15 hours if I can get a direct flight or some 18 to 27 hours if I end up with some stop overs!

I am also looking to get a tattoo for the very first time. Have been trawling the web for inspiration, I would really like a dragonfly, either on my wrist or my foot. Maybe some flowers that symbolise the 10 gifts that have been given to us by a very special family. This is such a turning point on our lives. One that I was unsure was ever going to happen.

So I am just trying to make sure I stay as healthy as possible, loose some excess, and keep the dream alive.

Mum's back in hospital, hopefully she will be home soon, and home in time for Mandy's wedding next Saturday, fingers crossed.

Work has been fantastic, really loving it at the moment.

Life is good.

2011-03-13T21:40:00.001+11:00

12-3-11

My neices hens night took place last night and lots of fun was had.

time...............

2011-03-08T19:28:00.002+11:00

Gosh I can't believe its been soo long since I last posted.

So I have been working away at getting our shit together for the US trip, can't believe it be that long before we will be there. I can visualise travelling to the airport and boarding that flight to LA. I have been madly trying to find a hotel that I like, not too expensive but also not to drab, especially since we will be there for a while. I don't know if I want beach or closer to LA itself. Decisions decisions.

Mum went and had the screws removed from her ankle on Friday just gone, it took 2 days before they would let me take her home, had to get the hospital at home sorted for her blood clots and dressings, but finally she was back home. She isn't happy about having to wear the 'boot' for another 2 weeks but what must be must be.

We have had some friends split which is sad and hard to understand. I don't know about others but we have been married for 18 years now and I don't know if I would say I was 'in love' however I couldn't imagine my life without 'the husband', maybe I am in love, but that is the reason for the split of the friends, there as been no fighting or anything but she isn't in love any more. They have a daughter who has just started high school, loves both of her parents to death, she is devastated of course, so is the husband, he can't see what has happened, which is really sad.
What about you, especially the guys that have been married for many years, could you say that you are still in love or that you love your partner with all your heart and couldn't imagine your life without them like I do? I don't know if I just think that its a cop out.

So 'the husband' has been back at work for the past 3 weeks, let me just say, I am HAPPY about that. He makes more in 1 week than I do in a fortnight even when I do overtime. I have been out buying some new clothes that I feel great and if I do say so myself, I think I look fantastic. Especially since I have brought clothes that actually fit and no worrying about the number on the tag (size wise I mean).

So soon the airline tickets will be brought, hotel chosen and paid, hire car selected, passports delivered, Visa obtained and international drivers license applied for. OMG, I just can't wait. I might even get the opportunity to meet our donor in r.e.a.l. l.i.f.e.

I'm back

2011-02-23T18:37:00.003+11:00

Sorry everyone, I've been MIA, I have just got a new wifi modem so back in the world of blogging and Facebooking, will catch up on everything and everyone soon...........

new beginnings

2011-02-17T11:39:00.003+11:00

Today feels like a brand new day, with new beginnings.

'The husband' has a new job and has been going well for the past week. They are long hours and his own business is having to be placed on the back burner. I have been less than happy of the past few weeks/months, due to the stress of family and money. But it all seems to be working its self out for now and my fingers are crossed that they continue to look up.

I've been a bit out of sorts, suffering headaches and the like, so have been to the doctors and had some blood tests done, will have to wait to find out the answers though. However my spirits are definitely lifting and I should be able to get myself back on track.

I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words while I've been down. I really appreciate all your prayers.

2011-02-13T09:57:00.002+11:00

I know its been a week since I last posted but my brain is not in the game at the moment.

I am emotionally wreaked!

Not because of what someone has said or done, just me, being mental about allot of stresses going on here, in my house. I can see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel however the little glimmer could easily be snuffed out before it starts to glisten brighter.

I can't concentrate on any one thing at the moment, everything feels BIG!

Things blown out of proportion.

It will get better, I have to believe that.

2011-02-06T10:05:00.007+11:00

"Don't judge people from their break down, but judge them from how they come back after a set back" - Shannan Ponton - Biggest Loser Trainer Australia

Now that's a nice way to live I think, its not about the melt down, but how someone comes back into the game after the melt down. Although it could be said that we all tend to judge someone from our first glances, its not fair and this is how many of us have been judged before someone even takes the time to know us.

I have fallen off the wagon and thankfully not too many people have judged me for it. In actual fact I think I may have been the only one to harshly judge myself from it. I think I need to start giving myself the benefit of judging me the way I judge others, and that is not harshly, but to also know when I am bullshitting myself.

Thankfully I have lost the same amount that I put on after my little break down, and I can tell you with my emotions the way they are I may have some more break downs in the near future, but I won't commit myself to the break downs before they happen and pre-empt them.

One day at a time is all I can do and commit to.

I pledge to do my best and this is the best that I can do, be good to myself and treat myself with respect that I so others. Stop all the negative talk and start with the positive talk.

The P!nk Song - Fuckin' Perfect, hits such a strong note in me - Lyrics below:

Made a wrong turn, one or twice

Dug my way our, blood and fire

Bad decisions, that's alright

Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood

Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down

Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated

Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel like

Like your less than fuckin' perfect

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like your nothing

Your fuckin' perfect to me!

Your so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong

Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead

So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!

Filled with such hatred.....such a tired game

It's enough! I've done all I can think of

Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like your less than fuckin' perfect

Pretty pretty please, if you ever feel like your nothing

Your fuckin' perfect to me!

The whole world is scared so shallow the fear

The only thing I should be drinking is ice cold beer

So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and its a waste of my time

Done looking for the critics, cause their everywhere

Don't like my jeans, don't get my hair

Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time

Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby ..!

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like your less than fuckin' perfect

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like your nothing, your fuckin' perfect to me

You're perfect, you're perfect!

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like your nothing

Your fuckin' perfect to me

Something different!

2011-02-05T09:34:00.003+11:00

Someone must have done something to piss off the powers that be....

How else can you explain all of these weather changes in such a short time?

Now not only did Brisbane flood, Far North Queensland's cyclone, WA's cyclone, regional Victoria's floods and now metropolitan Melbourne flash flooding! What the hell is going on? Its meant to be SUMMER here people, with white sandy beaches (albeit with smoke butts in the sand) long days sun baking on this sun burnt country, ice creams running down your hands, mozzie bites and BBQ's but instead we have this....

Some poor fellow in Metro Melbourne flooded in his poor kitchen!

The worse part, there is more to come over the next 24 -48 hours!

People have been washed away in their cars, being rescued for running to the shop or collecting their kids. 'The Husband' had gone to band practice last night and the rain started and didn't stop, it was scary waiting for him to get home without having some sort of accident or breaking down due to the water, lucky he made it home and is tucked away in bed right now.

Of course being Saturday, mum and I normally go out, but I think we will wait until we know its going to be OK, weather wise first. We would normally part undercover however with the recent floods, I'm reluctant to park undercover to only have my car float, I can only imagine the damage that could be done. But mum being in a wheelchair, its hard to park out in the open as well, probably better to stay at home.

Today is a new day

2011-02-01T07:21:00.003+11:00

Hopefully after seeing the financial counsellor today I will feel allot more freer, is that even a word?

I'm hoping that it will take away some strain, to maybe see it in a different light, maybe its not as bad as I think, or maybe its worse, I will just have to suck it and see. We also have our appointment today with a notary to get our contract with our embryo donor done, then will have to send off overseas to have the donor also have signed off by a notary and then it will whisk its way to the clinic and hopefully they will finally be satisfied.

Its that TOTM for me, started nearly a week early! Darn it, in all this hot weather as well, just when you want to be care free and live it up, your stuck with the tummy ache which is never care free. Lucky I got my sexy back last week otherwise there would be no sexy for another week :O

It appears that Big Al is about to stuck chucking challengers out of the challenge, what can I say, I'm amazed I haven't been chucked before now, but I guess I will make it official and just leave. I'm really not in the mood to be chucked anywhere at the moment. So officially I'm out. Thanks for all the help Allan, it really did help for the short period I was on it but again, not everything is for everyone, no point being nasty about it or getting angry because someone didn't/couldn't/wouldn't follow the plan exactly, but be happy to have made some new connections, I know you have plenty of friends so probably don't need more, but I hope that this doesn't mean the end to our cyber relationship..........

In saying that, I have lost a little more today, 197.3 which brought me back down again, no doubt being that TOTM it will show up again on the scales anyday now.

Edit note - Just received a reply from me mate Allan, so I'm still IN officially

its done

2011-01-30T06:31:00.002+11:00

I feel like this journey of weight loss is done for me, I haven't followed the plan for a week or so, I get bored easy. I may be wrong and will find out the hard way but unfortunately this week weight gain just put it in my face so the facts are the facts, I suck at weight loss and following plans!

I feel miserable, it is also stress related, the 1 income thing, its getting to me, I'm going to see a financial counsellor on Tuesday, hopefully get my shit under control.

'The Husband' doesn't understand or maybe he is feeling his own stress. He doesn't talk about it at all. He has started to get orders for his business at home, got a deposit cheque but I find that he isn't a finisher. We have one of his jobs in the yard that has been here for months, just waiting to be finished. That's cold hard cash waiting to come in, it could pay some bills and have the phone calls stop for money. But it still sits there because he moves onto something else instead of completing what he has.

OMG, that just sounded like I'm a hypocrite! Here I am saying he doesn't finish anything and I had just said I was done with the plan.

Jesus, I need mental help I think! Maybe the adoption people were right, maybe I am mental?

Either way, that said, The Biggest Loser starts tonight, and I will be watching, hopefully from my treadmill.

Oh weigh in was 198lbs, that's up 2.7 :(

Just when you least expect it ....

2011-01-28T07:04:00.003+11:00

Dad goes and has a fit, literally!

It came from nowhere and not showing up on any tests but all that saw it said it looked like a epileptic fit?

So of course I spent a fair bit of last night at the hospital with mum in her wheel chair, dad in a hospital bed and me nearly falling asleep in the chair. He should be home today as long as nothing else shows up in his tests. Its a bastard when something like this happens. You want to know why so that you can fix the problem and keep moving but when nothing shows in the tests, you think good as well but then you don't know what or when the next thing will happen!

Well that's it for me for now, gotta get ready for work. Thank God its Friday today.

Sexy back

2011-01-26T17:05:00.004+11:00

Yep that's right, today on Australia Day, I went and got my sexy back.

$78 at the day spa and $30 Target, the sexy is back

(you can use your overactive imaginations)

Now just to put my plans into action tonight.........

I wonder how many calories that will burn?

2011-01-26T08:43:00.002+11:00

Its Australia Day today,

so there will be lots of resting and relaxing the best way we know how!

The truth

2011-01-25T07:36:00.003+11:00

Well it seems to be getting harder not easier for me. The lack of variety is killing me slowly. I think that I am slowly slipping off the wagon and onto my old habits. The water has slowed, and I'm tired. Absolutely TIRED.

I really feel like slothing around, I don't want to go to work, I just want to lay on the couch and do nothing. This has been in my mind for at least 2 days now.

As its Australia Day tomorrow, my work are having a 'boardshorts' day, were we will dress up today and have a sausage sizzle. I am on the R & R committee, so of course I will be there cooking and helping out, but to then not eat, are you insane? There will be fried onions as well, who could resist fried onions? No human could surely.

So I think I will be in trouble with the grand master of 'the plan' but sometimes I think you have to partake in some small things, tomorrow is another day and all. I know I've had 42 years to have all that food but life is to be enjoyed in moderation and I think I have shown I can do that in these last few weeks. Not saying that my weigh in was great or will be great this week coming but I haven't quit completely ...... YET......

OMG

2011-01-23T15:30:00.003+11:00

I'm back from mum's. Bathroom, shower, bath, cleaned, sheets changed on all the beds, beds made, floors vacuumed, mum feed, referee amongst the arguing, and I am pooped. Now to relax back at my own place and contemplate vacuuming my own floor!

Weigh in and more

2011-01-23T09:34:00.003+11:00

So today was weigh in for me, 195.3, its down slightly but not as good as last weeks loss. I'm still happy, its moving down, who wouldn't be happy, I only have myself to blame.

I needn't have worried about our outing yesterday, by the time we got moving, we were just go go go, no time for lunch which actually meant that I didn't eat until dinner yesterday at about 8.30pm once I got back home and put away our groceries. Adding a wheel chair to the back of my small hatch back, along with all of the shopping mum and I did was a little crazy, I had to call 'the husband' and ask if he could come and collect our groceries from the shopping centre just in case I couldn't fit it all in.

Went to see 'the niece' who is getting married in April, we had just brought her kitchen tea presents, as she had just gone and picked up her wedding flowers and wanted to show us. (she had silk flowers made which I didn't think would look good but they do) She had also asked me to do a reading at the church ceremony which should be interesting, I am not a public speaker and the thought of doing it is making me a little nervous, but as long as I can practice it long before makes it a little easier.

So whats on for today, well I'm heading back to mum's today, going to dye her hair as well as do a bit of a clean up. The boys did what they could while she was in hospital but its not up to her standard as she is in the wheel chair or using a walker, she really can't get in and clean the shower or the bath, so here I am, getting my cleanliness on.

Dinner Pic's to share

2011-01-22T09:51:00.003+11:00

So last night I made homemade pizza, the plan called for cheese only pizza for me, and i know I will probably be in trouble with this one as I did add some green capsicum and some home grown cherry tomatoes but that's all :

My cooked Pizza

'The Husbands' pizza however was a full mishmash of lots of extra's. He really enjoyed his pizza he tells me and mine was good however again I will have to trial bases unless I find the time after work to make my own.

The Husbands, prebaked pizza

The cooking of The Husbands pizza

God the pizza was great, I am so glad that Allan has it on his plan otherwise we would never have ended up making our own.

Weigh in for me tomorrow (I'm 15 hours ahead of you guys)

But first today I will be going out with mum for the first time in ages, and part of it is always eating lunch at the shopping centre..............

Its a nice feeling

2011-01-20T21:17:00.003+11:00

It truly does feel good when someone tells you that you have inspired them isn't it?

I have a friend at work you has been listening to me talking about the plan and the fact that we finally put freddie treadie back in his place for me to get physical, physical, I wanna get physical....... anyway, well we both said at the same time "the biggest loser is about to start again so we need to be on our 'treadie' while watching'. Well I said treadie, she was thinking Elliptical Cross Trainer cause she has a bung knee or hip or something. So the friend now wants to do a challenge with said equipment. This should be interesting, not sure what we can do, I thought about the miles completed, she's thinking % weight or something.

Anyway, and then she inspired me, cause I didn't know that she volunteered at a No Kill animal shelter! I love it. I think I wouldn't be able to do it because my heart would break every day but you know what, I think I want to. Its call Pets Haven and isn't too far from me. She stated today she got a call to arms for 50 dogs that they have just rescued from a suspected puppy mill, they are all different types of breeds, and she has decided to take a Saint Bernard, because as she states, no one ever wants the huge dog. She is just fostering it at the moment, but there are many more that need homes. Sadly she told me that there are more that they couldn't save and the RSPCA were going to have to go and euthanize the remaining animals. I can't even imagine the sadness of having to do that but it can't be a barrel of laughs living in the conditions of a puppy mill either.

So other than all the inspiration going around here, the plan as been going well, the appetite is coming back which is good, means that I can follow the plan better. Mum's home from the hospital and things are getting back to normal here, and of course all of the talk at her place about people pulling their weight stopped as soon as she walked back in the door. Geez they make me freakin mad down there, but there really isn't anything I can do about it.

I just breath.....

Quiet over here

2011-01-17T19:49:00.002+11:00

So there's not a great deal happening here at the moment which is good.

There are massive clean ups in the flood effected area's. There was something like 22,000 people register to clean up Brisbane alone. They turned up with their buckets and brooms and stood in line to register before being bused off to different suburbs to go into complete strangers homes and help them clean up the mud left from the waters as well as the furniture and the wet plaster. Amazing.

As for me, well I worked some hours on Sunday, which will pay off in my next pay. Yay for me.

Found out I had blown a head light on the buzz box, Boo for me, cost $45 for the replacement globes but it was for 2 not one so I guess that's OK.

I have lost a bit of weight which I am more than pleased about. I did some measurements and found I had lost 2 cms off my thighs each, 2 cms off my stomach as well as my hips, and this is only going into the 3rd week. Happy, yes that is me.

Although the down side of the plan now is that I am not wanting to eat, or should I say, needing to eat. Today I am way down I think on my calories and I've had dinner and don't feel like I need any more for the day. maybe I should exercise more or actually exercise, sorry, confession time. I haven't been exercising at all, except running around work, going directly to the hospital with mum, then back out to home, I leave for work at 7.45am and walk back in most nights at 8.30pm after the hospital which is when I cook dinner and do the dishes. By then its bed time.

Mum comes home from the hospital on Wednesday, 2 more sleeps and then I have my evenings back. I just feel too guilty leaving her in the hospital by herself with no visitors. She is in a room by herself as well which is good in some ways but bad in others. I might even be able to get some overtime in at work and still manage to get home in time to exercise and then dinner. That would be good, so its a plan.

Well off to do the dishes before bed .... Yawn

Weigh In

2011-01-16T07:37:00.002+11:00

So its Sunday morning here now, thought I should do the weigh in now instead of being late with a Monday morning weigh in. Am I happy. HELL YEAH

196 pounds, that's a loss this week of 3.5 lbs!

Going to work for a few hours so though I would put in a quick post now. very happy, how will I get this smile off my face???

Horse rescued from Queensland Flood Australia DONATE! 12 Jan 2011

2011-01-15T23:45:00.000+11:00

One of the many heros

2011-01-15T23:36:00.002+11:00

This man, risked physical harm to rescue this drowning joey from the Queensland floods. If you know anything about Australia, it is to know that these animals really aren't ones for cuddles. They have claws very long and very dangerous to your soft flesh. However this man also risked being arrested for going into the floods waters to save this innocent, drowning joey.

The is one of my hero's.

Check out the video I also posted about a horse rescue.

It is only 3 minutes but while you wait to see if it will be successful it is the longest 3 minutes.

These people, are absolutely my hero's, their selflessness is tremendous and I'm sure allot of people would think foolish but man, they were brave and Thank God they were.

Don't know what day it is

2011-01-14T21:53:00.002+11:00

Its some day, a good day, I think.

Today in my own State of Victoria, we also had flooding, not in my home or suburb but close around, there is no danger for me, thank goodness, but I have family in Beaufort in Victoria that has flooding. As soon as I heard this morning I rang my aunt, her phone was engaged. The crazy thought were running through my mind. I got hold of my cousin who lives in Melbourne and she was on the phone with her mother and said she was OK. If anything bad was going to happen she would text me. I called mum at the rehab to tell her, she is mum's only sister. Later that night while I was visiting my mum we were watching the new, there before our eyes we saw my uncles garage .......... flooded. We again tried to call my aunt so mum could talk to her, she wasn't there. We called my cousin again and she said all was still fine for my aunt. Yes the town was flooded but they were at the football club which is being used for the towns people for now. Any more rain and the creek's banks would break and that's when the real problems would begin. So far, so good.

Food, well its going great guns, although I haven't been eating everything, everyday. So what I mean is that I have been eating on plan except I forget to eat so come home with food. I am not replacing these uneaten foods with anything else, just not eating it all. Now this is a huge change from last week when I wanted to eat, well everything plus more.

Tonight I did the pizza thing, better than last week that's for sure, used some old flat things, not pita but things, 'the husband' got a store brought pizza and I added things to it and he LOVED IT, so much so that he is happy for me to continue to 'make' the pizza instead of ordering in. Next time I think I will buy a store brought base for me as well and make individual ones. It was fantastic, thanks Allan for that on the menu.

Well that's it for me, can't weight for weigh in, I think it should be good as long as I'm not holding onto any water.

Double the Style ..........

2011-01-14T06:41:00.003+11:00

That's right, today I was awarded the Stylish Blogger Award twice, so does that mean I am doubly stylish??? Brett and Polar's Mom where nice enough to include me in their awards ceremony ...

So what is it I now have to do you may ask??? Of course there will be nominations and of course the speech which includes telling some facts about ME, as well as the formalities of the rules

Post and link back to the person who awarded you this award - tick
Share 7 things about yourself - tick
Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers (or as many as you can) - tick
Contact the bloggers and tell them they WON!

So about me .........

I never eat mushrooms, NEVER, I don't like the taste, smell or texture, I also lie and tell wait staff I am allergic as does my family and husband.
I will do anything, and I mean anything for family, I once nearly quit my job to help my sister in-law cope after losing my brother in-law. (lucky I didn't, she doesn't talk to us anymore anyways)
I am a talker, even when I more to another job and think that I will keep my personal life to me, NOPE, can't do, the whole workforce know about my personal problems ;
Even though I'm married, I haven't had sex in like FOREVER. Poor 'husband', because of the infertility problems, I can't see the point of it......... sad I know, for 'the husband' anyway
I had/have a fear of driving in the rain, wind, bending roads, hills, the list goes on, but I can now drive some of them
I am really excited about visiting the US and having my infertility treatment and coming home knocked up
I worry that I will end up destitute

Now to nominate my bloggers

Kelly of PoundsforLife

Pam of Plump Nonfiction

Kelly of Life in the Fat Lane

Renea of Renea's Skinny Love

Allan of Almost Gastric Bypass

Sueellen of Trying to Lose

water water water everywhere water

2011-01-12T19:14:00.005+11:00

This country is under siege by water!

At the moment obviously it is being reported internationally as well as nationally of the floods in Queensland. It is said that 75% of the State of Queensland is a natural disaster. Let me tell you, Queensland is not a small State.

The water is now also moving north to NSW, they are evacuating there also on the border. And now my very own State (we are in the very smallish State of Victoria) has decided to take on as much water as possible with the massive rain falls expected over the next few days and flooding already occuring in regional centres.

I have been really worried about the animals in all of this floods, last night they placed music to some of the footage which made me cry but to then see cows up to their necks in water, and rapid water it is in Queensland, there was a snake curled up on a fence post and a chicken floating down stream. I can only imagine it is much worse than we see on a small film clip.

Brisbane, Queensland still have yet to have their peak which is expected by 4am tomorrow. The energy companies have turned off allot of the power supplies due to the high voltage power lines which we are now placing under ground in the newer areas.

We have sort of located a friend who is close to the floods, he has his house next door to his elderly parents property in Chuwar not far from Ipswich, their house would more than likely be under water by now. We were able to get a text message through via his stepson, but of course they are all running out of phone charge so that was all we have heard since yesterday.

The company I work for is a national courier company, so we have many colleagues that we would speak to daily that we can't contact, regional depots that are closed. It is just a sad state of affairs. I can't even imagine what will happen with our food prices over the next few month/year, a great deal of our food is grown in Queensland.

God help us all, but it seems he may be the one in control of the rain!

On a happier note: weight is steadily coming down, every morning I have a smile on my face and even after eating and drinking all day, I am happy on the scales. Thanks Allan........

10th Jan. 2011 - Craziness of the floods and still more cities and towns be hit

2011-01-11T19:38:00.001+11:00

This is a a whole lot of stories and videos, it is just frightening and to think that there are more towns and major cities that that water will go through before the end. The main city of Brisbane (to imagine Oprah was just there) is under alert at the moment and shops and homes have been advised to leave the area. Airports are closed, roads are washed away, people stand on their homes and they are lucky to be rescued.

I hate to think of the pets and live stock that have been lost in this absolute disaster.

I feel so hopeless for these people, much like when watching the Katrina tragedy and although not the same but the tragedy that was the Twin Towers, just absolute devastation that you can't do anything to help these people and animal. If feels wrong to be worrying about my diet at this time so I won't be mentioning it for a few days but rest assured I am still on plan.

BMI and other Australian news

2011-01-11T07:36:00.003+11:00

This morning I decided to look up my current BMI which is 31, the ideal BMI for my height/Age is 19-25, when I look at the higher of the 2 it doesn't seem that far away really, 6 points.

I'm sure that the 6 points are going to be hard worked for, and if I can be better than that, then I will try and achieve this. As of the 1st of May, as long as I stick with 'the plan' my BMI should be 26.3 or there abouts, this will still give me the time I need before the US trip which I am planning at the end of July this year.

The anticipation for the arrival of those numbers are keeping me going that's for sure. Today as I sit here, during my lunch hour, typing this post, I feel really good and feel like I am not as bloated like I have been, my stomach feels a bit flatter which is always a plus. Now if only I could get my legs to skinny up that would be a massive plus.

On another note, something absolutely shocking has happened in the town of Toowoomba in Queensland, the Sunshine State here in Australia. They have just had a massive flood that took everyone by surprise. So far, there is 8 people dead and 72 people missing. Cars have been washed away like toys, smashing into anything and everything in their path. People in their cars, stranded with the water quickly engulfing them.

The story and videos are here. It is really scary to think this could happen anyway at anytime, you are just minding your own business and bang. I just can't understand where all that water comes from, they aren't even close to the beach to think of a tsunami.

So I hope that this post finds anyone who is reading from Toowoomba safe and sound and anyone with friends or relatives near there also safe and sound.

Part 2

2011-01-10T19:39:00.002+11:00

So after lunch today I really got stuck into my work and missed my arvo tea break where I was going to eat my yoghurt and strawberries, which I actually didn't mind because every time I go to visit mum in the hospital, its around her dinner time, and even though I would rather eat my own shoe that eat that hospital crap, I tend to get hungry.

So today instead of trying to stop myself eating her lollies or crappy sweet biscuits that come with her cup of tea, I ate my strawberries and yoghurt and it held me over to dinner of steak, rice, beans and carrots (beans were left over from last night) and my left over salad from lunch today. All very satisfying. Although, night time is my worst for snacking and I could snack right now. I can hear 'the husbands' ice cream bowl clacking down in the lounge room so lucky I'm not down there. I haven't yet had my milk today, maybe I could have that glass which will give me a little fill.

The other good news is that mum could be home on the 17th, today week, that is good for me as I won't feel so obligated to visit her every day if she is back home with my dad, my brother and his 3 sons. Plus it would give me some time to do overtime at work $$$$$ plus some early nights home with 'the husband'.

Anywho, can hear the milk calling me........

Start to a new week

2011-01-10T12:47:00.000+11:00

So today is the start of another week, the official weigh in brought me 2.2lbs less this week, was thinking I would get something much more but honestly, after what I had done this week with snacking and the mistake with the pizza, I'm just glad I've had a loss.

I have started the day well, had my said waffle, and now lunch, didn't have a roll so had a piece of bread instead. Have my strawberries and yoghurt ready in the fridge for afternoon snack, then home tonight after the hospital visiting mum to have my bite of steak, with rice and carrots.

Must remember to drink all of my fluid, I'm resting at lunch with a Pepsi Max, had 3 coffee's and 500 mls of water, not bad for getting just after 12.52pm with still 3.5 hours of work and another 4-5 hours before bed. I have great plans for this body, and this is all fitting in with my plan as well as Allans.

Well its almost time for me to start working again, so chao for now .........

Horrible sad loss

2011-01-09T09:09:00.002+11:00

I can't believe that a couple here in Australia, actually from my own State, although it doesn't matter where they are from could think that this is OK, God only knows what was going through their heads when they decided to terminate their twin boys after undergoing IVF just because they were boys and they had already had 3 boys! I understand that they lost a daughter just after her birth and they appear to want to chase the dream of having a daughter, but to terminate healthy babies, not only after paying a great sum of money for the IVF system, knowing that we do not allow gender selection unless it is for medical reasons, they still went ahead with the IVF option which would have given them a 50/50 chance of a boy or girl. Why not place them for a adoption if they didn't want them, don't just throw them away, like they didn't ever exist. My brain just can not fathom what they have done.

The story from our newspaper is here.

Error in judgement

2011-01-09T08:07:00.002+11:00

That's what I call it.

Everything was going so well yesterday, then it was time for the 'cheese only' pizza. Well I thought I would get 'the husband' a standard pizza from the pizza shop and I in my wisdom brought a box pizza from the supermarket, it was thin crust, had cheese, some small amount of tomato and basil. I ate some, it wasn't a huge pizza, considering it was thin crust and had nothing on it, so ate the other half ............... when I was cleaning up I tried to find the calories on the box, there were tucked neatly in a corner on the front. For half the pizza was 441 calories! I ate the lot, that's 882 calories for this paper thin piece of whatever. it wasn't even that filling.

I should have just gotten the WW pizza although it wasn't a 'cheese only' pizza but would have been much less calories and thicker :(

Start pic's a little late

2011-01-08T14:14:00.002+11:00

These pictures looked so much better when they were sideways on my camera but I guess this is just where we begin. It looks like I'm already pregnant!

Day 4 and 5 thus far

2011-01-08T11:56:00.002+11:00

Sorry I missed day 4 completely but it went well, believe me. They had another food day at work, and although I dutifully brought in my food, I only ate 1 piece of celery and 3 cucumber pieces, no Cheese CC's that were calling me from the other side of the desk or the chippies someone then opened, nope none of that stuff!

Day 5 has started late for me, I actually slept in today, woke at 9.30am, which is amazing for me, tried to stay in bed a bit longer but 'the husband' is outside our bedroom window working on a truck and welding so that was not going to work.

Its hot again here today as it was yesterday but a cool changes should be on its way............

Breakfast is all I have had so far today, I'm not hungry at all which is good and about to start on my water for the day, iced water, just the way I like it.

Although we are dirt poor and I have no money at all, I'm starting to get excited about going to LA in late July, hopefully 'the husband' will come as well but if not I will have to think about taking someone with me, I can't imagine being in a foreign country by myself for a few weeks.

It also dawned on me that I may miss some of our winter here which would be fabulous, so summer her now, some autumn and then head to the US in our winter and your summer, then back here for spring, then summer again, love it!

Anywho, that's it for me for now

Day 3

2011-01-06T18:20:00.002+11:00

So today was good, food was good, in the middle of cooking my pasta right now. Am a bit hungry but sorry for TMI but it's TTOM for me so my tummy is pretty sorry and sore for its self.

I haven't been to see mum in a couple of days because I've just felt so darn drained. I feel guilty when I don't go but sometimes I just need to lay on the couch.

Its hot here at the moment at 35 degrees today and 40 expected tomorrow with rain on Saturday of course.

I haven't got much to say, have been to work, its not that bad for the last couple of days but today I was a little quiet so they were worried something was wrong. But alas, nothing that some good pain killers can't fix, maybe some more carbs but they are on the menu tonight anyway.

Tomorrow I have to make a concerted effort to visit the mother in the hospital.

Chao for now ;)

Day 2 - part 2

2011-01-05T18:36:00.003+11:00

Today has been really good food wise, fluid wise and even work wise.

I have fixed my lunch for tomorrow, can't wait for breakfast either, 2 small pancakes, please I want them now ...........

If I continue on this way I can't see how I can't lose some weight at weigh in.

I have added a new tab as well to keep a track of my weekly losses, so am optimistic about that.

I got out of a 3 year gym membership that was going to cost me like $1900 dollars for the smaller amount of $207, very happy about that waste of money. I know, its a gym membership and possibly something that us fatties need but a 3 year contract that you can't break is crazy. I may still join a local gym but one with a better contract, if a contract at all. Especially since I do own or am paying off the treadmill I already have and have received a new Xbox for Christmas which I can do exercise with.

I am really jealous of you guys at the moment, it seems that the Biggest Loser is on your screens at the moment, it seems ages since I have seen an American series or even our own Aussie season, although ours may be on its way soon as they keep on advertising 'coming soon'. I freakin love that show, normally on the couch with coke and chips or butter popcorn, but not this year, no sir.

Anyway, think my dinner is cooked, chat later :0

Back again .......

Just nicked down the street to buy my mini pancakes for the morning, some WW ice cream for tonights snack and some 15gram milk chocolate for tomorrow arvo snack and now I want them all, why is that? I normally won't even be bothered with chocolate, the mini pancakes I might go but even the ice cream is normally something that I would normally run to for comfort. It's crazy the way your brain works when you are on a 'plan'..........

Day 2

2011-01-05T07:20:00.002+11:00

I'm off to a good start today, I have had all that is on for day 2 food, lunch and snacks are packed for the day ahead, still not looking forward to going back to work today ;( but it has to be done I guess.

I am now the soul bread winner in the family again, 'the husband' wouldn't agree because he is starting/continuing his own business, but until I see the money flowing, I am the only one bringing in a pay cheque.

I have high hopes for the day, except the work part, but all should be good, what's the worst that can happen?

Till later gaters

Day 1 - Part 2

2011-01-04T17:00:00.002+11:00

OK, food today was not correct, I'm sorry, I wasn't able to control myself, this is for me not others to bash me or whatever. To be totally honest I did post that I was hungry at 10.53am and it wasn't even lunch time yet. I am disgusted with myself that I couldn't hold out for 1 more hour, I had great intentions of being good, however after posting I walked past the pantry and it called me, it handed me the box of BBQ Shapes, I ate them. I haven't eaten anything since, I thought I had enough calories for lunch and snacks in that box.

I have picked myself back up though, no point killing the rest of the day. I have created the salad bowl, chopped my carrots to boil, boiled the rice and the steak is still defrosting. I will go visit mum first then come home and cook the rest of dinner, then prepare for tomorrow's day at work, make sure there is not an ugly post tomorrow.

Day 1

2011-01-04T08:38:00.004+11:00

So yesterday I received my packet from Allan, since I am in another country I had to wait the time zones, so have started today instead of yesterday :(

I must say, its a great start with a waffle which I haven't had in like forever, since living at my mum's and I've been out of home for about 20 years! The only thing I have to ask Allan about is coffee, I love my instant coffee and have many cups per day, I know this will had to the fluid but I do have it with 1 sugar and low fat milk, is he going to shout me down on the coffee? I hope not, I've just had my first cup this morning and am onto the water but I know when 'the husband' gets up, I will want another and then maybe another ..........

Tomorrow I go back to work (yuk) and I am not looking forward to it, I think its because of the new position and I hate that I feel that way. I'm thinking I may have to actually say, hey, this is not for me. I reason why I say that is, I thought it was for me, everyone wants that role, what if later its advertised again and I decide I do want it again, will they look at me differently? I think I am a helper, I love to help the other consultants, have a chat with them, as well as deal with customers, strange I know but I just do. I have never felt like I didn't want to return to my job until now, so that makes me think I must say something.

Anywho, my painting will not get done with me sitting on my backside, so bye for now, will possibly post pic's of my food from today much later. Day 1 on the way and only 117 left :)

Options for the pergola

2011-01-03T10:20:00.004+11:00

Realisation

2011-01-03T10:00:00.002+11:00

I this morning had a realisation (is that even a word?)

I have read some blogs (like my friend not foe Allan's) who talk about people who have been blogging for years about weight loss and not actually lost any weight.

That's me.

We moved into this house some 8-9 years ago, I met Kek online on a blog, she is now a personal trainer, she lost allot of weight and helped me too. I now realise I weigh more now than I did back then. I got to something like 83 kilos (182 lbs) but now am at 201\202 lbs (91.4/91.8 kilos).

I am a lonely person, maybe I do blog for friendship, I don't think that is that bad, but people who are on a journey whether is be for weight loss or something else (like I also am on a journey to have a baby) must get so frustrated by someone like me, the lack of achievement, not getting anywhere except peddling on the same spot, trying to tell everyone (and myself) that I have peddled for miles.

I want to change my realisation, I will change my realisation. TODAY. (except for this heel split which is killing me)

Once I receive my package from Allan for the new challenge, I will give it my all, to say I have done it, accomplished it, whether it works for me or not, I will have finished something I have started.

2011-01-02T06:50:00.001+11:00

All I am saying is ....

pass me another toilet roll and make sure the buckets in front of the toilet when I visit!

why, Why , WHY!

2011-01-01T10:10:00.006+11:00

The full length of the pergola isn't clearly shown

but is approx 14.5 metres long, at the very

end is going to be our spa bath and the opposite

end near the BBQ corner will be the Buddha/water feature

Dragon Fly,
a Christmas Present from my sister in-law

There are a total of 3 plants at the moment, not sure
if more will be put in

Centre plant, should grow to approx

2metres tall and a metre wide

The nwe BBQ, cooks beautifully, used for the first time

New Years Eve

I have 2 of these plants, one on either side of the

pink/red one, this should grow to approx

1 metre tall and 1 metre wide

Nearly New Years

2010-12-31T22:53:00.002+11:00

Well its 10.53pm on New Years Eve, I am here alone at the moment with my terrorised dogs and cats, the fireworks started early tonight, maybe over an hour ago. Its strange to see a large Alaskan Malamute cower like a little puppy and the old girl Becky thinking she can fight them call if she barks loud enough, and where's Miss Molly, under my feet of course. She did try to get under the toilet while I was sitting on it!

'The husband' went swimming with his sister and niece's. I stayed here with his mum, I was going to go but my rear decided to get sick again :( Now his mother has left and I am here, alone with my fur babies.

The cats are doing OK, they were under my car when the fireworks begun, but soon rushed in, the fireworks sounded and looked so close, like they were next door. I hate to imagine how many terrorised animals will be lost by morning.

Its crazy that these people do not think about the bush fires that happened here not that long ago, and not that far from here. Today the temperature got to approx 42 degrees (108 F), very dry and windy, to think that these few moments of fireworks could possibly set off more fires, well it is just unthinkable but likely.

Tomorrow I will upload some of the pictures I took today of the newly finished/semi finished outside area. Still to get our large Buddha water feature, some Merbu screens, also putting in a spa and need to get some sort of cover for both ends of our pergola.

Anyway, it appears a bit quieter now, so might see if I can get the dogs to go to sleep.

See you next year in 2011

I read too many blogs!

2010-12-30T08:19:00.002+11:00

I can't believe how many blogs I have in my blog role! Especially the diet/fitness side.

How can I truly read and digest all of this information when I can hardly write my own blog? I don't know but I just do. I have to have plenty of quiet which is why its soo good to do on a Sunday morning before everyone (meaning dogs, cats and 'the husband') are rousing from their lazy sleep in.

What did I get up to yesterday? Well I decided to paint our side fence, then we decided to buy some stones to go in front of the fence, put some planters in and some screens. So now I am awaiting delivery of the volcanic rock we have ordered, we will put in some pavers we already have to sit the planters on. I'm a bit sun burnt from the painting yesterday but I want to continue down the fence line and get more done. I can't find the camera so can't share photo's, will have to wait until its all finished.

Its going to be hot tomorrow, New Years Eve, finally. We will have a BBQ here with 'the husband's' family then head over to one if his sister's friends places who has a salt water pool to have a quite dip and be home for the puppies before all the craziness of the New Year's fireworks.

Did I tell you that we all got sick at Christmas? Just found out my sister was also sick, the only one who wasn't was my brother? Strange. Dad has been hit hard, he still has it, I went down to see him last night, poor bastard, but its a good weight loss diet I guess if we are looking for an upside :

I'm back

2010-12-28T09:11:00.003+11:00

Only because I can't visit my mum until tomorrow :(

So what has been happening? Not much really, same old same old, mum has been moved to rehab where she still is not very happy not to be home but its 1 step closer to home.

Work has been work, not all that happy in the new role, but will give it more time before asking to move back to the old role. Most people in my original area would be biting at the bit to get into this role because they don't have to talk on the phone or deal that much with people but I love helping and teaching people new things and interacting with others.

My weight has just about stayed the same which is better than it going up I guess.

Christmas was held at our place again, we had the full spread and everyone had a great day. I gave 'the husband' a leather reclining massage chair and a new mobile phone, he gave me a xBox 360 Kinect, of course to help my weight loss, except everyone except me was using it on Christmas day but we all got a good laugh in.

The day after Christmas a good few of us came down with a stomach bug, all courtesy of a very ill great niece, who threw up on me as she entered the house, so like flies, we dropped, mum in rehab at about 6pm, started throwing up, 'the husband' at 10pm and me following at 4am, I called around to the family members and another 5 had it! Great. So still a little gurgley at the moment but definitely on the mend.

I've emailed Allan again to join the world of the living back on track so hopefully my weight will more further down in the new year and I will be a happy camper.

On a sadder note, 'the husband' doesn't think he will be able to have time off to go to the US with me for our treatment, I'm hoping that will change or we may have to delay a little, I really don't want to be in a another country on my own, conceiving our baby, all by my self and be away for up to a month. Not much fun for either of us, its a country 'the husband' has always wanted to visit since he was a young child, it seems cruel that I would go without him. Fingers crossed it works out.

Anyway, off to wake 'the husband' and get his arse to work now.

Quick catch up

2010-12-16T21:10:00.006+11:00

So some surprising things happened today....

I was moved positions in the call centre from consultant and help line to the administration team. Is it a good thing or not? This is yet to be seen. The person who was in the role, I believe was walked out the door just this week. I missed it completely. The call centre manager 'highly' recommended me, the group team leader highly recommended me, do they just want me out? My new team leader, well I have nick named her a long time ago as 'thee who walks in the clouds', she is really tall and doesn't seem to see anyone under her nose. I think she has only spoken to me only once in the tea room when I was with my previous team leader and then only today when she came over to chat about starting in her team tomorrow. I was a little worried about telling others in the call centre, you see they had applied for the roles previously and there was a reason why none of them got the role, this time, I hadn't even applied and I have it!

The other thing that happened today was about finding things out that are plain as the nose on your face, but you just seem to miss them. A really good friend and work colleague today surprised me with the fact that she couldn't afford to get presents for her children this year. I knew that she has financial issues, but I still didn't put 2 and 2 together until she walked back into the call centre teary eyed. It appears another colleague had asked about what she was getting her kids, when she heard, she had a discreet chat with our team leader. What was the result? Our management team decided to purchase Christmas gifts for the children as well as give her vouchers for the supermarket, for the movies and meals for the trip to the movies. It has really renewed my faith in humanity.

Mum is still really ill. She has gotten another illness while still in hospital, she is down and really flat. It worries me allot but I understand that I can not make her better myself however I will tell the doctors when I see something that I don't like in her care, after all, I know my mum and they do not know when she is off colour, if her speech isn't quite right, when she is speaking gibberish which indicates to me when she is really ill and possibly should be back in ICU. The count still is 4 blood clots, she has a filter in place now but the fact that she can not walk properly and doesn't look like it is going to improve any time soon. Mum will be released into rehab instead of just going home. Dad, he is being as stubborn as normal, he has his next operation on the 12th of January, hopefully after that he will feel as good as gold.

Christmas shopping for both 'the husband' and I are finished and tonight I finished with mum's Christmas shopping. Now I have to wrap everything, this I am not looking forward to. I will work all next week and then prepare for the 23 visitors we will have to the house of the course of the day, hopefully mum will be home to share it with us. I'm pretty sure that they will allow her home at least for the day. I'm also not looking forward to all of the cooking.

This year we changed our Christmas decorations, 'the husband' thought that silver was the colour this year, so all new deco's had to be brought along with a change in colours of the dinner plates, napkins and the like, its allot of work changing your full colour scheme but it looks like we have succeeded.

Well I think that I am all typed out for now, I'm looking forward to trying to read everyones blog, I apologise for not keeping up and commenting on all your blogs.

its my birthday and I can cry if I want too

2010-12-10T22:05:00.004+11:00

I'm sitting here typing in my very first post on my brand new laptop that 'the husband' brought me. It takes some getting used to, that's for sure. I can't believe how thoughtful he was getting this for me. Its got nothing to do with him wanting to use the computer for himself or anything, sure, he does love being on the desktop and now I can stop annoying him and kicking him off when I want to just 'play' on my things. Either way, very happy is me about my new laptop :)

Mum is still in the hospital, I really feel like she is finally getting somewhere, she has now 4 blood clots, one in each leg, one in the lung and one in her right arm. They have put in a 'filter' to stop the blood clots from moving, which is a God send. Not sure if I told you that she also broke her leg when she collapsed, which meant that she had to have her ankle pinned, she is now sporting a boot and is not allowed to put any weight on the leg. They also did a gastroscopy which showed that mum had 2 old cysts in her 'somewhere' and next week they will be getting her to shallow some pill shaped camera's to see if they can finally locate the bleed. She also may not be released to home but to a rehab centre until she can use her arms and legs again, which is a good thing but still scary for mum.

As for me, well it was my 42nd birthday today. As I stated before, 'the husband' brought me this laptop, we went to visit my mum in hospital and then out for dinner. My desk was decorated to the sh*t house, could hardly see my computer screen when I got to work. So as the day ends I'm as happy as I can be, 'the husband' ran off to band practice which means we are both blissfully happy tonight.

Chao for now

More drama

2010-12-05T09:36:00.002+11:00

Of course there can't be too much happiness here!

After 2 blissful early nights at home after mum came home from the hospital I was awoken by the telephone ringing on Friday morning. Checked the mobile number my pillow, 5.35am, what that can't be right.... must be something wrong..... its mum and dad's number on the phone.

Short story, ambulance called, mum collapsed, hemorrhaging from back passage, ambulance work on her for about an hour before taking her to hospital. I beat her there. Have to call work to tell them 'sorry but I'll be late again', after an hour they bring me in, lost allot of blood, 8 units in total, just under 3 litres, blood pressure crap, going to surgery right now to find the bleed, may not in all seriousness make it out of surgery.

They come back out and down the lift with mum? That's strange she is going to ICU on this floor, why the lift? Turns out they can't find the bleed, taking her to have a CAT scan, still can't find the bleed, reversing the blood thinners for the blood clot, to see what they can do about the bleeding, fine line between saving and killing her.

Mum is taken to ICU again in induced coma, she is woken the next day and tube removed. She starts to talk about a plan in the leg where she fell. Wants something for the pain. The do an x-ray, BROKEN LEG. What's a girl to do when all of the organs have something wrong with them? Start on bones! Mum's says that's why I told the ambulance officers I couldn't walk to the vehicle.

Today she is going to surgery again for the leg, unsure if they are pinning it or not, it looks like she has damaged her foot as well, so plaster may bot be an option due to the weight.

God will it ever end??

Stay tuned for the next chapter.........

Thanks Guys

2010-12-02T07:31:00.003+11:00

I really needed that buck up.

I have been feeling overwhelmed of late, with everything going on with the parents. With Christmas fast approaching, I am a control freak, I don't know if you have noticed that with the parents.

Yesterday I also got the talk at work. The mental health talk. 'we know you have legitimate reasons for being absent 16 days this year, but we need to know you are looking after yourself" mmm mum's been hospitalised 5 times this year, once with me being told to call the family she may not make it through the night, and another where they placed her into an induced coma, not to mention dad being hospitalised twice, one of those the recent heart attack. Am I stressed? Fuck yeah, but you are making it worse!

Work is stressing me because things feel up in the air, we were meant to move to another team, there is a fight over who can control my little party of 4. We are left in the dark. I also was given an opportunity for Quality Assurance, 8 months ago, and still haven't been trained or even started on. Frustrating me to no end.

I am really just over everyone and everything.

On a good note, I got to come straight home last night from work. I finish at 4.30pm, was home just after 5pm and was able to cook dinner. Yay for me. I haven't been home that early in a few weeks.

I do need to work on the exercise goals while I can, work on a Christmas list and I'm sure other things.

Again

THANKS A BUNCH FOR GETTING ME OUT OF THE FUNK AND SHOWING ME THE LOVE

why am I so boring?

2010-11-30T08:56:00.002+11:00

I know that I am a boring person, I don't have allot of 'real life' friends and now it feels like the blog family is following suit. I may just be feeling sorry for myself but I don't seem to have a very interesting life. One that I don't even want but my must endure.
I'm not feeling any love at all at the moment, from anyone, except the mother of course, she tells me every day, but what happens when she is gone? I will have no purpose anymore.....

Time is flying

2010-11-28T09:51:00.004+11:00

I can't believe we are 27 days from Christmas!

I have brought 1 present and have 23 people coming over for the feast! I like to have a present for each and everyone that comes to the house, some will get money some will get an actual present. Why does it seem to be harder every year to buy a present?

We have a new challenge happening at work from Monday of the weight loss type. Should be interesting. I am hoping I will have a foot up with all the additional information I learn from my blog friends.

Health of the parents continue to be an issue, one that I will just have to continue to challenge myself with. Mum thinks she is counting down the days until she dies with her blood clot, tried to talk some sense into her, she should be home this week sometime. I have tried to tell her that if the hospital and doctors thought that the blood clot was going to end her life and would require intervention from them, they would not release her. I think it has slowly sunk in, she is starting to plan for Christmas as well. Guess who will be sent to buy the presents? Of course that would be me.

Dad is handling himself quite well after the shock of the heart attack, he tells me he is feeling much better and hasn't had a headache since the heart attack, which he had been having everyday for at least a year.

I am amazed myself that I do not have high blood pressure from all this stress and running around. I think that I am pretty healthy and plan on staying this way. There is no way I want to be like my parents when it come to health issues. As people though they are generous to a fault. Stubborn when they have an idea, and sometimes even cruel to each other. But in the end, they stick together and will not let anyone go without.

Well on that note, I must wake 'the husband' and subject him to shopping at Ikea......

Happier today

2010-11-26T07:26:00.005+11:00

Today I am happier than I have been for a little while.

Weight this morning was good, which is a pleasant surprise.

Dad had surgery yesterday after much woo haa, he argued with the doctors, threatened to leave early but in the end had the surgery and found that he had 3 blockages, they have placed 2 stent's so far, its dangerous to do 3 in one go, and will have to return to do another procedure in about 6 weeks. That makes me feel like he was a ticking time bomb. Mum is relieved as well so that's good. However mum is still having troubles, her blood clot is on the move, the blood thinners are making her life a little harder as she has skin tears all the time. Still in isolation because of the shingles as well. She is starting to get really down, thinking that the blood clot is a death sentence, I have printed out some info that shows only 3% chance of a bad outcome, and since she fought for her life back in December 09 and won, I think that she has a few years left to live.

As for me again, exercise was very little however the running around work and the hospitals must equal quite a few kilometers per day. Weight this morning was down at 200.4 which is GREAT compared to my last weigh in.

That's it for me, short and sweet, have to get the house work done before tomorrow when the craziness of my life starts again. Have a good one

quick update

2010-11-25T07:17:00.002+11:00

Well both parents still in the hospital.

One's resigned to the fact she'll be staying until at least next week.

The other, well he is being painful. Dad was told in emergency days in hospital, that was Monday night, which to my calculations means something like Saturday. We have to vote on Saturday. He gets told by another doctor Friday and he is sticking with that day. He has had a fight with the doctor, with fingers flying, accusations being made left right and centre and now he refuses to stay even to Friday. He wants to be taken home tonight, Thursday, again my calculations that is day 3.

So I have already started negotiations with him and the nursing staff that are trying to save his life, to try and talk him in to staying but he thinks he knows best and can control the public health system.

I give up, stick a fork in me, I'm done

2010-11-22T23:16:00.004+11:00

OK, food is not going good.

As you know my world has been rocked by mum going into hospital and changing any plans I may have had, well brace yourself.

Dad's also in hospital as of tonight, the verdict.

Heart Attack!

People stick a fork in me, I'm done!

How much more can these poor parents take?

And the killer for me is that they are on 2 different levels at the hospital, at each end of the hospital.

So, my food for the past few days have been what ever I can grab at the hospital cafe, not great, but some days its all I fit in. Water, Pepsi Max, Coffee, all not great. Sorry, I even failed at the weigh in at 203.5 which is up in last week. Maybe I should just bow out gracefully?

I don't bloody know anymore, I'm just over it for now. Time to collapse into bed. Bye for now...

Life changes

2010-11-21T08:45:00.004+11:00

That's right, my life is changing for a while. Mum's coming to stay at our place once released from hospital. There is allot of craziness at her house at the moment that she doesn't want any part of so she will be staying here. So that has meant kicking 'the husband' out of one of the rooms he uses, he says for guitar building, I say for crap storing to make room for a new bed to go into the room. It took awhile to get the crap/guitar building stuff out and we are picking up the bed today for the room and setting it up. Mum is/should be released on Monday so it will be all ready for her.

I've been my busy self, going to the hospital daily to see her, no one else has, they are all scared of catching her shingles however unless you come into contact with the fluid from the wound or touch her were she may have coming into contact with it without washing her hands of it say, you can not catch it. If anything, if you haven't had the chickenpox, you could catch that if you came into contact the said fluid. I think its all just an excuse, my family is shit when it comes to looking after mum. I am the youngest and am always 'on call' as it may be.

So in saying how busy I have been, my meals haven't been great, not that I have had over indulgences, I have had eaten on the run, what I can when I can, fluid, well I have tried and tried to remember to drink, but sometimes I think my intake has been less than required. Exercise, well, I have been walking allot, around the hospital and car park, the corridors in that hospital are a killer! But not in the treadmill for at least a week and a bit form when I was ill and now with mum, forget about it.

Yesterday while nicking down the store for my dad, I couldn't believe my eyes but Santa came into town with all his hoo haa of a band playing, fairies and the like on stilts, for God sakes people its still NOVEMBER!

I have done nothing in the way of Christmas shopping, will probably end up waiting for a week or two before the big day for the pressie shopping, I hate that though, normally I'm so very organised but feel a little out of control here........

flying post

2010-11-17T07:21:00.002+11:00

not much has changed in my world. Mum's still in hospital, hopefully out before the weekend. New developments are she has some liver function issues to go along with her kidney function issues, as well as developing a blood clot in her leg, Deep Vein Thrombosis. Much joy going around, now she wants to plan her funeral since she has something wrong with just about every organ in her body. I can understand that but obviously don't want to face the fact that she could be right.

I also came to the conclusion after starting my 3rd 1 litre bottle last night that I don't think I am drinking enough water. At home it wasn't such a problem but at work I can't have a bottle straped to my face all day. So I have to put in a conserted effort to make sure I am DRINKING enough.

Ok, off to work again, be good and play safe

3.02

2010-11-16T03:02:00.001+11:00

That's right, 3.02am, in the morning, still dark, everyone in the place is sleeping, except me!

Don't know if its stress thing, I do tend to stress over money all the time, never have enough in the bank/wallet, however on paper there should be heaps of the stuff. Maybe its the mum thing, always stressing she's not being treated well and how to get her out of the situation.

Just want to sleep ................

Hell of a week

2010-11-15T07:21:00.006+11:00

This is going to be right up there with the other hell weeks that I have when mum's in hospital. I will go to work7.45am , knock off at 4.30, hit mum and dad's by 5pm, pick up washing and ironing, head to the hospital to see mum by 6pm (through peak hour traffic) leave the hospital by 7.30-8pm when visiting hours finish, head home, cook tea, do dishes, do washing and ironing, put it in 'the husband' car to drop to 'the nephew' to take home (they work together). And then it all starts again for another day!

So forgive me if I don't post allot this week while mum's in the hospital :{

Not much to share so .....

2010-11-14T09:23:00.004+11:00

I'm going to show you some things I'm going to show the new cherry tomatoes that I'm growing in the efforts to be self sufficient ....

Also I made 2 lots of tomato sauce the other day, 1 was spicy and the other was more a sweet ketchup.Today I weighed in at 201.9, which isn't bad by all accounts since I started the DDC2 challenge at 203 pounds, so that's a loss of just slightly over a pound, could have been better but I'll take it.

My throat is still sore and makes me cough a fair amount so keeping her nice and lubricated by drinking bucket loads. Exercise has been a little none existent for the last couple of days with the sinusitis, breathing has been an issue as you could imagine. Now with mum back in the hospital, well, the corridors are really long .....

Yesterday when I got to the hospital, mum was still in emergency waiting for a room to become available, since she needs to be isolated due to the shingles still being contagious, she needed a single room, she still hadn't eaten or drunk anything but water since I had left the day before, remembering that I took her to the hospital at approx 4pm and I arrived the next day at 11am! Lucky I stopped off to get her a feta and spinach twist from the bakery. Once I knew her heart rate was back to normal I proceeded to buy her a coffee, well actually 2 coffee's, she loves her coffee. As I was going back to her room, the ambulance drivers were like 'it must be my lucky day' and 'oh thanks for the coffee', of course I laughed about it. But before I even made it to mum's room, the nurse said she couldn't have coffee! They had tried for hours last night to get her heart rate back to normal and weren't taking any chances with the coffee. Fair enough, so it became the ambulance drivers 'lucky' day. After all I couldn't drink 3 coffee's! I think they were astonished that someone would bring them coffee, they had nothing to do with me, hadn't saved me or my family from some horrific accident, but you know what, they probably did that morning or were going to some time that day, a little bit of kindness goes along way I think.

Well that's it for me today, or until something else happens today that I think is blog worthy. Have a great day and read you soon

You just won't believe my life - DON'T LOOK IF YOUR EATING!

2010-11-13T07:20:00.011+11:00

So I went down to mum's yesterday, I knew the doctor had told her she had shingles, its been about 3 weeks since they told her, it is contagious but I was with her before she even found out about them so if I was going to catch it, it would have happened by now. So she has been complaining about the pain, she also has cellulitis on one of her legs so finding everything very uncomfortable.

When I got there and saw under the bandage I couldn't believe the difference from the water blisters to this! Coupled along with her breathing, I was not taking any chances and funny enough, she was quite compliant and came to the hospital with me. We thought that she was going to be coming home but the bloods told us otherwise. Her kidney function from 2 weeks ago was 33, last night was 23, her potassium was too high also and she was in Atrial fibrillation (AF), causing her heart to be 'disorganized'. So again I had to leave her there, again.

What makes me mad is that she was at the hospital 2 days before to get the dressing redone and the nurse said "I don't like those black spots" but did nothing! It all started, she has been told this is a coincidence, the day after she placed 'Deep Heat' on her hip to sooth some joint pain, she has used it a million times and not had an issue, the day after it raised up like burns. Hence why she didn't think it would be anything contagious. Even last night whilst they were looking at the shingles, keeping her isolated, no one bothered to look at her leg, for all I know that is infected and maybe where all the infection is coming from. I never got to see the leg as it was already fully wrapped up. I left the hospital after 9pm last night and am calling the hospital whilst typing this post.

Ok, the hospital advise that they want to do a cat scan and ultrasound of her abdomen due to the blood clots on her stomach wound. They are still yet to look at her leg, just wanting for the medical team to come around. They want to further investigate her chest after the chest x-ray that was preformed last night. They still have her in Emergency as she isn't stable enough to move her to a medical ward, oh and she is still in AF.

Phew, and I just thought it was a little infection from the shingles.

We live in such a lucky country when it comes to illness. Mum's been admitted to hospital 4 times this year alone, we do not need to pay for anything at all. We do not need to worry if we have insurance or if they would cover the tests. We have Medicare in Australia that looks after all that.

As for me, well the sinusitis is hanging on as long as it can, water intake has been pretty good, although I wasn't great with tracking it, I know I would have drunk my allotted amount if not more. Food on the other hand was not great but would have been well under my allotted 1650 calories. Well better be off to drink more water and maybe even eat something.

Back in the land of the living

2010-11-12T07:27:00.002+11:00

It feels like the sinusitis monster has finally moved on...

could be lurking around the corner waiting for the cough from hell to arrive

but at least he is around the corner for now and something to celebrate!

So I am off to work today after 3 days at home, at least I have been able to monitor my drinking over the last 3 days and now know that it is not impossible to drink what I need to, to enable the weight loss.

I am a little depressed though over some money things and the fact that it is make my trip to the States difficult, but I will continue to forge through.

Wednesday food and FLUID

2010-11-10T18:42:00.003+11:00

Todays fluid intake was huge and still going. Before 'the husband' tipped out the jug of water I had been measuring I was at 3.8 litres and opened a can of Pepsi Max for another 375ml so that takes me over 4.2 litres (142 oz) today and with this throat, there will be more to come that's for sure. Food has gone over slightly today, but I think I can make that up over the next couple of days. I haven't felt up to exercising today so will give it a miss but make that up also over the next few days. I hope everyone else on the challenge had a great day and those not on the challenge as well.

Breakfast	Calories
Generic - Coffee With Skim Milk and Sugar, 18 to 8 oz	90
Tomato - Raw, Red, 4 slices	44
Eggs - Fried (whole egg), 2 large	185
Quick add calories Remember meal Copy yesterday Copy recent Yesterday Monday, November 8 Sunday, November 7 Saturday, November 6 Friday, November 5 Thursday, November 4 Wednesday, November 3	319
Lunch
Generic - Coffee With Skim Milk and Sugar, 6 to 8 oz	30
Vietnamese Beef Noodle Soup - Pho, 1 Bowl	367
	397
Dinner
Woolworths (Aus) - Beef Sausages With Herb and Garlic, 2 Sausages (170g)	445
Generic - Baked Potato - Jacket Potato W/ Skin, 1 medium (173 g)	280
Veg - Frozens Peas, 2/3 cup	70
No Name (Superstore) - Whole Kernal Corn, 1/2 cup	80
Butter - Salted, 1.5 tbsp	153
Quick add calories Remember meal Copy yesterday Copy recent Yesterday Monday, November 8 Sunday, November 7 Saturday, November 6 Friday, November 5 Thursday, November 4 Wednesday, November 3	1,028

Totals Quick add calories Copy yesterday Copy recent Yesterday Monday, November 8 Sunday, November 7 Saturday, November 6 Friday, November 5 Thursday, November 4 Wednesday, November 3	1,744

Here's a picture of my sandstone monk from our front garden

so sick

2010-11-10T08:37:00.005+11:00

OMG I can't believe how sick I am at the moment. My sinusitis is kicking my butt! It all went down hill Monday night after eating a really nice meal I cooked of Thai style chicken on a bed of basmati rice, 1 lemonade icy pole later, and bang, 8.30pm my throat closes over and the face starts to hurt. The next day its all over red rover. Fully blown sinusitis out of the blue, kicking you fully in the butt. I even got up this morning at 2am cause I couldn't sleep. My throat was so sore since I'm breathing through my mouth through the night cause I can't breath at all through my nose at all, nasal spray, tissues, cough lollies (damn I will have to check the calorie count in the lollies) and some water and I'm able to go back to sleep for a bit.

My fear again has come back on the treadmill. No matter what I do or how many times I do it, I just can't seem to run on the treadmill. Before I know it, I've increased the speed, slowly jogging, and then I'm standing on the side of the treadmill again. I try to talk to myself to keep it going but again and again I did it yesterday. Maybe its cause I'm sick that I don't trust myself?? Maybe its just that and I have to wait until I'm a bit better to try running again.

Water, well lucky enough, water and fluid has been my friend since I'm sick and when I look to the Phase 2 list of fluid, I must admit I don't have it as bad as some others on that list at 200oz, when I only need to drink 96oz to lose the weight at 111oz to max it. I worked out that 96oz is actually 12 cans of Pepsi Max, which of course I will not only drink but when you put it that way, sure I could drink that much *cough grumble grumble* but it also is only 4-5 of my water bottles which isn't that bad either. I just went to make myself a hot coffee and decided for today at least to fill a jug with the same amount of liquid I am having in say the 2 coffees I have had so far today and I have had up to 700mls (23oz) thus far and its only 9.13am, I think I can kick 96oz in the butt as well. Here I was originally reading Allan post about having to drink this whole heap of fluid and I must admit I was panicked. I thought there was no way, but now that he has worked it out for us its not that big a mountain. Thanks Allan.

So off I go now to lounge on the couch with a box of tissues and my fluids. Oh and yesterdays food is below:

Breakfast	Calories
Generic - Coffee With Skim Milk and Sugar, 6 to 8 oz	30
Eggs - Fried (whole egg), 2 large	185
Tomato - Raw, Red, 4 slices	44
Easiyo Yoghurt - Strawberries and Cream, 0.1 cup	22
Quick add calories Remember meal Copy yesterday Copy recent Yesterday Sunday, November 7 Saturday, November 6 Friday, November 5 Thursday, November 4 Wednesday, November 3 Tuesday, November 2	281
Lunch
Salad - Greek Salad W/ Fetta and Tomato, 1 container (3 media ea.)	450
Quick add calories Remember meal Copy yesterday Copy recent Yesterday Sunday, November 7 Saturday, November 6 Friday, November 5 Thursday, November 4 Wednesday, November 3 Tuesday, November 2	450
Dinner
Red Rooster - Classic Roast , 560 g	644
Quick add calories Remember meal Copy yesterday Copy recent Yesterday Sunday, November 7 Saturday, November 6 Friday, November 5 Thursday, November 4 Wednesday, November 3 Tuesday, November 2	644
Snacks
Nuts - Cashew nuts, raw, 10 g	55
Nestle - Icy Pole - Lemonade, 80 g	45
Generic - Almonds - Raw, Whole, Each , 15 each	110
Generic - Walnut Halves, 5.6 walnut halves/1 0z	76
Quick add calories Remember meal Copy yesterday Copy recent Yesterday Sunday, November 7 Saturday, November 6 Friday, November 5 Thursday, November 4 Wednesday, November 3 Tuesday, November 2	286

Total	1,661

Todays food :)

2010-11-08T20:17:00.004+11:00

	Accountable - I'm really happy with my choices today, still have some calories left and haven't even exercised for the day, but will jump on the treadmill tonight and see how I will go with the running again. Breakfast	Calories
	Eggs - Hard Boiled Egg (Large), 2 large egg	140
	Twinings - Lemon & Ginger Tea (Correct), 1 bag	2
	Quick add calories Remember meal Copy yesterday Copy recent Yesterday Saturday, November 6 Friday, November 5 Thursday, November 4 Wednesday, November 3 Tuesday, November 2 Monday, November 1	142
	Lunch
	Aldi - Bakers Life - White Sandwich Bread, 2 Slices	144
	Kraft - Singles American Cheese Sandwich Slices, 1 slice	80
	Lettuce - Green leaf, raw, 2 cup shredded	11
	Quick add calories Remember meal Copy yesterday Copy recent Yesterday Saturday, November 6 Friday, November 5 Thursday, November 4 Wednesday, November 3 Tuesday, November 2 Monday, November 1	235
	Dinner
	Meat - Chicken Breast, Skinless, Boneless, 0.4 pound	199
	Homemade - Basmati Rice, 150 gr	524
	Quick add calories Remember meal Copy yesterday Copy recent Yesterday Saturday, November 6 Friday, November 5 Thursday, November 4 Wednesday, November 3 Tuesday, November 2 Monday, November 1	723
	Snacks
	Twinings - Lemon & Ginger Tea (Correct), 1 bag	2
	Generic - Coffee With Skim Milk and Sugar, 18 to 8 oz	90
	Generic - Strawberries - Fresh, 80 g	40
	Easiyo Yoghurt - Strawberries and Cream, 0.4 cup	89
	Quick add calories Remember meal Copy yesterday Copy recent Yesterday Saturday, November 6 Friday, November 5 Thursday, November 4 Wednesday, November 3 Tuesday, November 2 Monday, November 1	221

	Totals	1,321
	Your Daily Goal	1,661
	Remaining	340

PROUD

2010-11-07T11:14:00.002+11:00

I just ran on the treadmill! This is a fear I have had forever cause I thought I would fall off and injure myself, but I did it, I ran at 7 km per hour for 1 minute, twice!

I'm really happy and this gives me something to work on, to better myself and my endurance.

So in honor of my 'I can't freakin believe I ran on the treadmill', here is a happy dance........

Another night out

2010-11-07T09:17:00.002+11:00

This must be the beginning of the silly season. I haven't been out so often in years. Last night was to The Comic's Lounge where we saw Hung L (he was in the original Wog Boy movie) and was extremely funny, as we Gab Rossi and Drew Rokos. It was all in aid of Miss Patty's birthday. Dinner was first at a little restaurant which I got to see the menu in advance at work and couldn't get the idea of a roasted vegetable pizza out of my mind, so of course I ordered it. When it came I was slightly disappointed. It did not live up to my expectations. Someone said, don't worry the taste will knock your socks off. Well they were wrong!
I don't know how many calories were in that but what ever they were, I don't think they were worth it. In saying that the pizza was a very think crisp pizza with little tomato sauce and a spare amount of sliced zucchini (not even long ways like my imagination told me they would be) less than 1 red capsicum was used to make the roasted capsicum portion and the egg plant was, well it just was. I drank water there at the restaurant and only had 1 missed drink at the show of Tequila and lemonade, 2 cokes and water when I got home.

It would have been a good food day, had my mother not come over. I can't help but indulge my mother. If she wants something, I will bend over backwards to get it for her. It used to be roasted vegetable focaccia with Salami, then it went to the Pizza Sub and Subway and now its potato cakes from my local 'fish and chip' shop. Needless to say, 3 potato cakes later.........

I have been drinking allot of herbal tea lately, the newest being Twining's Lemon and Ginger, as far as tea goes, its quite good, its 5 calories to a cup and I do believe ginger is a good thing for helping with metabolism as well, don't know about it's help in tea but its all worth a go.

Next week we don't appear to have any engagements but the week after that we have another wedding, this time it's a New Zealanders wedding so that could spell disaster for the the diet, as they are known for the hangi, the drinking, the huka and the Eskimo kiss's. Then the next day is a Tupperware party and you know that there is always going to be too much food, although the host is also on a diet so maybe that will be OK.

1 week later its the work Christmas party which still unsure if I will attend as its 'without' partners.

2 weeks later it is my birthday, which I haven't anything planned for at the moment.

Exercise is going good, as I previously stated, I have cleaned up and off the treadmill and she's getting used daily, along with my resistance band. All guns are now blazing.

getting serious

2010-11-04T08:43:00.005+11:00

Today I feel like a truck has hit me and I am hoping that its not just because I jumped on the treadmill last night because that would show just how unfit I actually am. Although I have been exhausted allot lately it could be something coming on. But as I decided to stay home and rest it up, I thought I would really give the food a good write up for today.

Breakfast consisted of a cup of coffee, half a bottle of water, 2 weet-bix that have been in my cupboard for a lonnnnggggg time, so hope that doesn't come back to haunt me later, with 1 cup of skim milk, so far this is 392 calories.

I was going to have a bowl of my homemade minestrone soup but lunch came and went. Although I was a bit picky about an hour before lunch so made 2 boiled eggs blitzed and on a piece of toast. Since then I haven't felt like eating at all. Which now takes my calories in to 596 with a remaining 1065 to go.

I have also broken out my resistance tube for some exercise except I can't even remember what I was supposed to do with it so have had to watch a few youtube vid's to just get an idea.

Out of retirement

2010-11-03T19:57:00.007+11:00

That's right, tonight the treadmill came out of retirement.

So now it is not just a cat sleeping bed or a clothes rack in the lounge room but a fully fledged exercise equipment. Although I think 'the husband' was trying to sabotage my efforts by unplugging and taking away my power board. Probably waiting to see how long it takes me to plug it back in.

I have been really tired this week, nothing to do with diet ie food but more to do with not enough sleep no matter what I try. Tonight however I did get on the treadmill for a short time and hope that it will help me sleep once I hit the sack in about 15 minutes.

Food wise I have been eating pretty good, keeping below my calories but I think the lack of sleep is affecting my weight loss which is disheartening. I have been trying to get as much water in as possible but need to get more Pepsi Max as still only the coke in the fridge. I also want to cut down on the coffee, not only for the empty calories but to stop my teeth looking dull.

On a high side I did manage to purchase off eBay a upright freezer so can't wait to fill her this weekend. Also brought some drawers which 'the husband' has been putting together for me, except that they didn't actually fit where I wanted them to go so he had to modify them to fit, too bad if I want to sell them later on.

Also after attending the wedding on the weekend and seeing some of the photo's, the dress and shoes I wore have ended up on eBay, 'the husband' asks why, I don't understand, he obviously saw the photo's, why ask such a stupid question? That dress made me feel and look like I was a ten ton tessy, although I did have to bend down to the brides level which didn't help the 'size' of me but look at that arm, Jesus, does that belong to me?

So my plan for this week is to continue drinking heaps of water, watch my food intake (doesn't help that I went and brought $10 worth of candy for Halloween and no one turned up, bad weather).

This week we also had 'the race that stops a nation' which is the Melbourne Cup. I had to work as it is only a Melbourne Metro holiday and I work in a national call centre, so to go along with it we had dress up and a horse race of our own. Since I had to work and I was going to dress up, I went to the send hand store to find me a dress. I liked it there in the 'old' sizes, where I still fit into a bridesmaid dress that was a 14. I won 'fashions on the field' in my $5.49 dress.

Note: here Allan, behind me at my desk, my 1.5 litre bottle of water???
I like this second photo as I think it makes me look skinner.

By the way, the horse that won the cup? Americain, I didn't bet on him but should have just because of the name, since we are American bound next year!

funny arse!

2010-10-30T09:30:00.003+11:00

Well 'the husband' and 'the nephew' went to pick up their new toy/heavy arse equipment the other day. It was placed on the trailer by a forklift. When they got it home I see its in a shipping wooden container. How the f*ck is that coming off the trailer is what I'm thinking, let alone up to the garage?? After about an hour, we have broken the shipping container, almost killed one of the two getting it off the trailer by getting it halfway off and then driving away from it to have it fall off the trailer to the concrete, then try and squeeze 3 rollers under it by levering it up with 2 poles, we roll it slowly but surely up to the garage, with its slight incline, about 50 meters away! Thank God that's over.

Food for me on the DDC has been a challenge for me this week. Its more calories than I'm used to but work has been trying to sabotage me this week. We had a presentation that I had to attend and no real food insight, only pizza and cupcakes! Then yesterday as they do at the last Friday of the month, they have 2 large 'birthday' cakes, this week was orange cake and chocolate mousse cake! So as you can imagine I did go over on my calories yesterday however I was under the day before so not soo bad. I understand the whole x11 concept but 1661 calories for me feel like allot when you mind has been in the school of 1000/1200 calories. I am drinking water, not as much yesterday and paid the price when working out my calories for the non diet coke I drank, do you know that they are 200calories EACH. I had forgotten about that since I had been drinking Pepsi Max for a while but didn't have any at home. Normally we by a slab of both, normal coke for 'the husband' and Pepsi Max for me and one of his diabetic friend. Best I get my arse back to the shop and get some Pepsi Max, or better still, drink more water.

Today we have a wedding, great its a cocktail party so lots of finger food, calorie laden food I'm sure, so will try to eat less throughout the day as I know I will be indulging at the wedding in food and also some drinkies.

I have gone back to listing everything I've eaten and drunk on MyFitnessPal again, its an eye opener and I have adjusted my calories to the DDC. So now there is nothing left but to exercise and clean this freaking house again!

Keeping up

2010-10-28T07:21:00.002+11:00

Today I have started with the a water and hope that it will be a pattern throughout my day (coping Allan), its not so easy starting with water when your used to starting with coffee. Although I didn't follow Allan's exact concept of 1 bottle before shower, I forgot that one, just my after shower was water, but must admit was quickly followed by the water.

Yesterday at work I was drinking drinking drinking, this is good you may say, expect for part of my job on 'help line' I am the only one on it, therefore when you have drunk 1.5 litres of water, well you know what I mean, there is allot of dancing. I only just made it through the day yesterday which is lucky for me and my co workers.

Its funny, I am always full of ideas for cooking when not on a 'challenge', cooking up 1 or more healthy things and my co workers drool over the food, but here I sit about to make some lunch and I am blank. I think it may have to be a cheese and lettuce sandwich, some fruit and of course plenty of water, we have chilled filtered water on tap at work so this is good for me. Well better get my but moving or I'll be late, one thing about me, I HATE being late anywhere including work.

Double Dog Challenge

2010-10-27T07:30:00.004+11:00

CHALLENGE RULES

YOUR DAILY CALORIC INTAKE IS YOUR GOAL WEIGHT X 11
EVERYTHING YOU INGEST COUNTS AND NEEDS TO BE RECORDED
YOU DRINK 64 OUNCES OF WATER DAILY (1.89 litres)
NO CHEATING AND NO BULLSHIT
2 WEEKS, STARTING 10/25/2010
WEIGH IN MONDAY MORNING AND WEIGH IN 11/8/2010

Start weight 200.6

Goal weight 151.0
Therefore I will be eating 151. x 11 = 1661 calories

OK, I got the message late so have started today which is the 27/10/10 for me here in OZ. But that's still OK I think.

I couldn't believe I actually got through the water today, almost peed myself but still managed to drink 1.5 litres while still at work and then another 750ml bottle at home, seemed to become very thirsty tonight.

Food, well I had 300 gms watermelon, 2 eggs, lettuce, 2 white rolls, chicken breast with mayo and of course all that water along with 4 coffees today and a can of pepsi max.

On other news, well its pouring again. 'The husband' along with 'the nephew' decided that they are both going to buy some equipment together and do work from my garage. This was fine, they brought the machinery online for $1209 but didn't realize it had some tax of 15% on top + 10% GST tax, bringing the amount closer to $1,529.39. Not happy.

Then when I get home from work I drive into the driveway to find the back of 'the husband' Ute smashed in. Yes there was an accident, he is fine but it appears it was his fault, no matter how much he protests and its going to cost us our no claim bonus that was due this year after being in the same policy for 3 years, normally we would receive 10% back on what we have paid over the 3 years. That's gone and instead we get to pay $600 in excess. Thanks overtime!

On sadder news, a friend here in OZ has undergone another IVF cycle which resulted in the largest amount of eggs ever collected from her, 24, however as her husband has to undergo a testicular biopsy to retrieve his sperm, which happened the day before, it resulted in no sperm found. He has undergone this procedure a number of times and it now appears that its over for them. She has placed the eggs on ice for now to work out what to do. They have one gorgeous son from their IVF treatments and would have loved to added to the family, I guess now is do you do donor sperm when you already have a full biological child? Its a huge decision, not to be taken lightly.

Its been boring

2010-10-24T08:32:00.003+11:00

over here.

Not much going on. Lots of overtime. Worked 60 hours this week. Probably only work normal week this week of 40 hours, although may do some overtime on Tuesday/Wednesday and maybe Thursday, but not as much as last week.

Been getting home late, eating and going to bed, which doesn't make for a great diet success. The treadmill hasn't been tread-milling for a while. I haven't had much time to even read blogs let alone comment so I'm sorry.

There has been allot of sickness going around at my work and I have been lucky to have missed it. We have had a stomach bug as well as conjuntivitis, which is probably a result of us all moving desks the other week.

Scales haven't moved much although I probably haven't done much to help that. Gardening and flowers are looking beautiful, the weather is trying be become nicer, one day of 25 degrees and then raining like a (insert bad word). Today its trying to get to 20 degrees with some sun. Will have to do some weeding, maybe go to the gardening store, want to plant some veggies, since only weeds grow happily in the front yard in a corner of the raised garden bed, thinking I might just plant some in there, the sun obviously likes it there with a bit of water, maybe the cucumbers will too.

The baby thing is going really slow for me, waiting to save money and get my but to America. Sometimes it feels like we will never get there but I can't think like that I guess. But sometimes you just feel down, which is probably where I'm at, at the moment. Just need some Vitamin D, from the sun, to make my outlook a little better I guess. So for now I mush leave you, hopefully it will not be another week before we chat again.

You know I started this on Thursday?

2010-10-14T07:26:00.003+11:00

Oh My God! I can't believe its Sunday already.

I can't believe the days are getting away from me like this.

Although when you would long days and then stupidly except overtime on a Saturday, they will get away with you I guess.

Not much has happened here in my house however there seems to be stuff has happened around me.

During the week it was my nephews 21st birthday which we celebrated on Saturday night. Because mum's not up to the task yet of organizing anything, I had to finish work on Saturday and run around to pick up the cake, some shopping for her, order the pizza's, dye her hair (she's completely grey and after being so sick it was making her feel old), clean my own house, have to do the ironing today, go and pick up her new stove we placed on lay-by before she got sick, drop it to her house so that she can organize a gas fitter/electrician to fit it, make food for the week and get my general shit together for another week of 11.5 hour work days!

But the good things are, when I got home yesterday, 'the husband' had installed my new wall oven that has been sitting, taking up much space in my kitchen, love that man and my new fan forced oven. Will be cooking marinaded roast chicken tonight to check that baby out.

On Friday night we were advised at work that 'everyone' was changing desk's, not a easy feat for a large call center. I packed up 5 desks ready for the move on Monday, lucky I had overtime on the Saturday so I was able to set up a few things and save the favorites on my computer come Monday morning, it will make my life a little easier.

Also on a good note, I think for now anyway, we as a 'help line' are being moved under a new banner of Learning and Development officially on Monday so no more extra crap from the team leaders who get paid the big money to actually do the extra crap. This way we will be used for what it was intended, an extension of the training not a performance management tool to axe staff.

The shopping fortnightly has somewhat worked OK for me. I still have heaps in the cupboard and only had to go to the shops for mum yesterday were I had to buy oven cleaner (for the new oven) thought I had some already but didn't, shampoo for me and a box of light globes. Not bad really when you think about it, I spent maybe $350 last week, and nearly nothing this week, still don't know if I will have to shop next week big or not, might be able to last another week still after that.

Exercise, well besides from being non stop at home except to write this blog, I haven't done so much of the actual exercise like on the treadmill except for the treadmill of life which I can't wait to settle the hell back down.

Food wise, well that's been pretty good, especially when you consider that there is 'junk' food in the house that normally screams my name from the pantry and its still there after a week.

Made some more nice soup which mum has now got, so have to make a new batch for me for work this week, maybe even some minestrone soup to be made soon...........

Award - oh thanks

2010-10-11T21:33:00.004+11:00

Polar's Mom nominated me for an award - thanks very much

As part of this award, I must nominate a few others (it won't be the full 15) and share seven things about myself:

So I here are the seven things...
1. We've been trying to have a baby since 1993 the same year we got married!
2. We have recently had a bloggy friend donate 10 frozen embryos to us in the US
3. I have family ties to the Melbourne underworld
4. I believe in 'the other side' and think John Edwards has the coolest job
5. I wish I could one day meet the dog whisper Ceasar Milan
6. I love the soap The Bold and The Beautiful
7. I am scared to death of the thought of dying

The nominees:
1 Debbi Does Dinner - for all the inspiration
2 Tammy - for keeping me entertained
Sorry for the lame 2 nominees but that's all I could come up with :(

Darren in Rock n Riot

2010-10-10T12:06:00.000+11:00

Sunday morning sleep ins

2010-10-10T11:25:00.005+11:00

That's right. I sleep in :) it was blissful

If you read my blog you will see that sleeping in is not a luxury that I have naturally. I just normally can not sleep in but this morning I woke after 9am. It may not be a huge sleep in but it was for me.

Its is a beautiful day again here, its going to be 25 (77f) today and full of sunshine. Great for Vitamin D.

Late night 'the husband' played a gig at my team leaders party, it was there first gig which was nerve racking for all but it worked out really well. Got to have some drinkies which I liked, don't get to drink enough I think :)

Today the scales were nice to me and gave me a 201.9 which I enjoyed seeing, next week we are hoping for some great numbers now that I am back on track from the family thing.

Yesterdays shop was good, busy but good. I managed to spend something ridiculous, 3 supermarkets and the freezer is full. I really do need to invest in a chest or stand alone freezer if I am going to seriously try this shopping fortnightly or monthly. Yesterdays effort was for a fortnight but I am sure I would have been able to buy more had I been prepared.

Had a drive by to mum's to drop off her shopping again, will be back there today, we brought her a dishwasher so will have to drop that off today.

Saturday glorious Saturday

2010-10-09T09:33:00.003+11:00

Today is going to be a beautiful 21 degrees here (69F) which is lovely in the sun when its been 16-17 degrees (60-62F) here lately with rain thrown in.

Today I think I will have to clean thoroughly the house as it appears some dust storm followed in the pack of wild dogs who demolished the tidiness of my home. I will spare you the photos but maybe I will post the clean ones.

I think along with that I will have to do something about mowing the front lawn and probably the back lawn as well, although I did mow the back a couple of times last week. (yes that's right, a couple of times, it was long in a short period of time so needed to be trimmed before being trimmed some more).

Since I posted on Thursday morning things got slightly crazy for me at work. I didn't end up doing overtime that night. It took all of my strength just to stay there at lunch time after I received a email as to whom the new 'point of contact' would be for my group. Before I left for my leave, I was advised by my team leader it would be me. So when at the hen's night someone told me it was them, I thought that's fine, I'm sure when I get back it will be worked out. No that's not the case but I let it go. Then the person who was named decided that because of family issues she didn't want to be the 'point of contact'. So thought OK, lets see what happens next. To my surprise they name someone else who hasn't even been doing anything like point of contact since she has been there yet I have been doing everything for the team leader i.e. stats, comm's book and the like. I was very pissed off. Even more so when that person then had to come and ask me questions about all of the work and then had to come and tell me about MY stat's.

WTF!

I needed to get the fuck out of there before I blew a fuse. I sent the head team leader an email to advise of my disappointment and she said she would talk to me later about why but of course as per usual that didn't come about.

So I have decided to look around for work, I'm sick of having smoke blown up my arse sot hat they can get what they want from me and give me nothing in return. Fuck them. I will just have to tell a new employer that I have planned a trip for next year that will take 4-5 weeks, if they want me they will still take me.

Glad I got that rant out. It was bothering me since Thursday but because I had a follower from work I couldn't say anything and this is my blog so I want to say it I will (sorry JoBee I deleted you as a follower, my bad)

Anyway, have to get the first lot of washing out and get the show on the road, so bye for now

Quick catch up

2010-10-07T07:21:00.002+11:00

Sorry I haven't posted for a few days. Going back to work on Monday didn't slow my days down that's for sure but at least help structure my eating habits.

So what has happened since the last Sunday morning post.....

Lets see, went back to work 8.30 to 4.30, thought I had overtime that week, turns out there is none. Thinking this is a blessing in disguise because still running back and forth to mum and dad's place to help them. Turns out that its not, because 'the husband' also returns to work that day to find his boss is going broke so has reduced his hours to HALF. Shit!

Monday night I can't sleep, thinking must make monthly shopping list, buy a chest freezer and a pantry to store this monthly shopping, what do I need on this shopping list??? Dinner, I can't remember that far back?

Tuesday 'the husband' gives away a business opportunity he was keeping for himself to the boss to help keep him in business and 'the husband' and 'the nephew' in a job. The boss doesn't seem to be that interested in the business opportunity but by Wednesday he is on board. 'The husband' finds another business opportunity for the boss and things are starting to look up. Turns out there is now overtime for me at work as well, not as much as usual but still there's some and I grab it for the rest of the week. Go to mum's to do her grocery shopping after work before heading home and also grab her ironing. Dinner tonight is steak and since 'the husband' can't cook my veges, I make 'fake' potato and boil some veg.

Wednesday 'the husband' thinks that he may be back to full time hours by weeks end along with 'the nephew'. I get to do the overtime and then run to mum's after work to take back the ironing but stop at the supermarket on the way to try and get the things I couldn't for mum the day before. Dinner tonight is gnocchi and tomato based sauce I half create.

Now we are at Thursday, overtime tonight, dinner I have no idea, will look to the freezer for answers. But can anyone tell me, you know how you can buy fish in a box already crumbed, what sort of fish is this? I don't mind that fish and would be happy to buy the fish and crumb it myself, this way its still fresh fish.

2010-10-03T18:57:00.006+11:00

Sorry I haven't updated in a couple of days but I've been busy with life in the real world.

Mum and dad are back home, this is good news of course, they will probably continue to do to much stuff at home and I will continue to try and help them out as much as possible.

I go back to work tomorrow :( not looking forward to that. Just when the weather has started to be fantastic here as well.

Last night I ventured out to a hen's night, which was a pasta buffet and drag show. Fun was had by all but by 2 bourbon's and 9.30pm rolled around I was ready for bed however I was being driven there and back so couldn't call time on the night. Got home about midnight and up by 8am, then realised daylight savings had started that morning so it was actually 9am. After reading some blogs, got 'the husband' up, wanted to get to the farmers market.

We also headed off to the Australian International Music Expo. Fun was had by 'the husband' while I put on a brave face while he walked around playing many a guitar.

Then back home, for a short stop to eat a toasted sandwich, pick up the gum for mum to help with the stop smoking thing, stop for mum's groceries, back home and ready to fall in a heap.

Now did you get all that, I think I was rambling for most of it but my feet are just so sore and my eyes want to close about NOW

Quick update

2010-09-30T19:16:00.002+10:00

Well, that must have been the quickest resolve I've had for a while.

It all fell into a great heap today with dad now collapsing and being taken to hospital in an ambulance. So had mum in ward A and dad in emergency. They are keeping him at least overnight and running some test. So now have to run back to mum and dad's measure up the bathroom and toilet for aids, for when they come home. They aren't young but they definitely not old either. Mum's 69 and dad's 75, they both still look after grand children and would also take on their great grand children if they had their way.

Anywho, I'm home now for a rest and then back in tomorrow, now where's that KFC

The damn scales

2010-09-30T09:09:00.003+10:00

That's right, those damn scales have me figured out.

I had blogged earlier how I wanted my life back, to make it more simpler than what it has been in the last week. Well along with that also comes the food issue. I haven't given myself the time to think about food they way I should have. Its been 2 fried dim sims here and there, then yesterday was the kicker. 'The husband' asked for KFC, of course I gave him KFC. Then after my own doctors appointment for DNA cultures I called him to check if he wanted anything, he asked for KFC again. Again I fell for it and got KFC. Do you know how much I love their potato and gravy? Well I do. Too much.

So I have a hen's night on Saturday night and of course I want to look my best so may have to protein down and only eat protein for the next few days to lose those pesky pounds I just put back on. Although my dress is roomy I could just get away with it and do this the right way.

So this morning I have eaten 2 boiled eggs and 2 coffee's so far. I will not be eating the left over KFC or mashed potato and gravy.

I'm sitting her deciding what to blog about and I have this darn blow fly buzzing around. You know that summer is coming to town when the flies start back up again. I love summer but the flies do my head in. Gotta go and do some house work before going in to see the mother.

On the mend

2010-09-29T09:49:00.008+10:00

So it appears everyone is on the mend.

'The husband' came home yesterday from the hospital. He said he could feel instantly the change to his heart rhythm which is great news.

Mum was moved to a ward yesterday afternoon. Actually the same ward as she was in back in December 2009 for a few weeks.

Which means I will soon have no excuse not to be back to normal with food/exercise.

On another good note, my niece works at a bank and had some nice new American currency come through and since our exchange rate was good, we brought our first $100 USD, its on the fridge at the moment, reminding us of what we are doing/planning/achieving.

Now it feels real to be actually going to the States to start our family.

Funny though, when I was at the hospital the other day, my sister in-law wanted to know what was happening with Facebook as she doesn't use it and doesn't know about it. She was upset that I was putting updates about mum on there 'for all the world to see', I had to school her on the use of Facebook as a means for me to update MY family and friends in mum's fight for life without having to receive 50 (slight exaggeration) per night to tell the same story, especially after being at the hospital all day and night. I couldn't believe that she could give me a hard time, in front of my mother, and she doesn't even know about Facebook and privacy settings. Not everyone in the world could see it, and even if they could, would they even care?? I say not.

Had it not been for everyone in the world seeing my blog, I would not have the opportunity to start a family with the embryo adoption from a family who did not know me, except from my blog. So as far as I am concerned, the internet and what it holds for me is priceless.

So back to me anyway, I need another coffee, oops I mean water .......

Is it selfish?

2010-09-28T08:26:00.003+10:00

That I can't wait to have my life back. Its been less than a week and I really want it back.

'The husband' should be back home today, or I hope so anyway. That bloody hospital he is in is like a rabbit warren, all these bloody corridors going every bloody where, not a direct route to get there. Geez

He was in the hospital by 10am, fasted from about midnight, he could have fasted from 6.30am but he wasn't getting his butt out of bed before 6am just to have a coffee and wait around to 9am to go to the hospital. They took him from me at 12pm and should have been starting the surgery at 1pm, up and down I went for hours along with his mum and sister, that was painful, they wanted to save money on parking so parked on the street with 1 hours parking where they had to return every hour to put more money in the meter! Me, I just parked under the hospital, fully prepared to pay the $30 since I was going to be there for 8 hours anyway.

I missed the doctor come in to give him feedback because he had sent me on a mission to get him coffee and food. It seems I will be able to give him injections to stop any blood clotting in his legs. Joy for me really, how many times has he been able to give me injections for IVF *insert evil snicker here*

I want to be able to get over to see mum today as well, missed not seeing her yesterday. Its funny because I don't see her everyday when she is at home, I just hate to think of her stick in a hospital bed looking at blank walls. She doesn't want the TV on, I brought her a book but she doesn't have the energy to read it at the moment.

Is it selfish to want your life back? I'm running to a hospital all day long, sometimes twice in one day to the same hospital. Just some normalcy I would like I think.

The diet for me has been a work in progress, haven't weighed myself, some days I eat well some days I don't, I think it will work its self out soon, or at least I hope it will.