HERE'S TO 2008, BRING IT ON

Finally 2007 is almost over, it has had its ups and downs but most of all its been smooth sailing.

What do I want to achieve in 2008 ..........

1) To make more friends that I can be sociable with so that I'm not at home at 10pm on New Years Eve typing again on my blog!

2) Better health, something to stick with and not seem to be hard work. How will it ever stick if it seems to be hard work to continue?

3) Finally fall pregnant?? That's a hard one that I really don't have a choice about, all I can do is be the healthiest I can be so that if it does happen I'm ready.

4) More confident, believe in myself as others believe in me.

5) House renovations continue ..................

So I hope that you all have a safe New Year celebration and that all of your loved ones remain in one piece by the end of the night.

Want a laugh???????????

Well today I did a 4.9 km walk, pretty good for my first time back out there, had to change course a little as I knew if I walked past my house on my second lap I would have walked inside so went the long way round to do the third lap :)

Dazza told me something funny this afternoon, he said lets play Biggest Loser at our house, we will do weekly weigh In's and not sure yet that they winner gets. I joked about and said that the prize could be sex and that I could rig it. Dazza thought about it a minute and said, 'what you want sex', of course I meant rig it to lose so that I don't have to have sex! I'm a terrible wife but really I'm not into heaps of sex, I am that women that men talk about, you know the one that dries up once married. I guess it doesn't help that I don't have a great body image of myself, I'm going to try and change that though and then watch out Dazza ;)

What next

So today I weighed myself to find that I am back to the biggest I have ever been 89.4 kilos. What next for me, I refuse to hit the 90 kilo mark so best start moving my butt is what. I actually went to the shop and found some things that fit me, well or as well as they can. I'm not saying I have brought a whole heap of new stuff but a new pair of jeans, t-shirt and 3/4 workout pants is all.

I had a trim of the hair as I was beating myself up for the way I was looking and that is one thing that I can actually fix, why continue to beat myself up for it? So I now have a fringe again so its not falling into my eyes anymore.

I have brought a heap of chicken, started marinading it, not a great deal, just a small amount. I love having Nando's salad with chicken tenderloins, love the marinade on the chicken and thought why pay $10 for a salad bowl when I can make it myself? Now if only I can get away with still putting butter on my veg and I'll be happy.

I have grabbed out my 'Walk Away The Pounds' DVDs and even brought a new one off eBay 'You Can Do Yoga', so with all of my exercise DVDs surely there is something I can do even if not using my upper body.

Dam Dam Dam!

Dam this god dam wrist! I am so over this pain. When/how will it go away?????

I had to call work today to tell them I wouldn't be in, I hate doing that especially for this frigging wrist! Its so hard to have an injury no one else can see or feel except me and I want it to be over.

Had just talked Dazza into running with me, or my poor excuse for running but now I don't know if it is a good idea as I'm scared that it will only make my wrist worse. I'm scared that it will jarr my wrist causing not only more pain but longer to heal but I have to shift this weight.

I went to the Plaza yesterday and went into Big City Chic, its bad, I know that I have to come to the realisation that I am a big girl but even those clothes looked bad on me. I can't buy anything to fit me. Normal sizes aren't right and big girl clothes look bad as well, I can't win. Its funny all those bigger girls than even me look great in those clothes, why not me?

Another Christmas over

So that marked the 1st Christmas at our house. Phew, thank goodness that's over.

I must admit it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. He ended up with 4 extra people, my 2 nephews and their girlfriends. My sister who I don't talk to much (Christmas's only) decided as it wasn't at mum's that she wouldn't come, no biggie for me, but on the last minute my niece who was always coming called prepared custard, too runny for her liking. Mum always makes 5 trifles for the family so she was to see if her brothers could come. As I told her and her brothers, there was never to be anything other than change of venue, there was no invitations sent, it is how it always is except at my house instead. I have now made sure that the boys understand that they are always welcome even if their parents decide not to come. Mum felt better also about Christmas, normally she is working in the kitchen all day, actually for about 2 days, this time all she did was cook the pork and bring me some gravy boats. Oh and she did cook her own custard as she doesn't like 'store brought' ready relaxed enough to make them and also Pavlova. So much food left over, the dogs will eat for days on this stuff.

My dad didn't end up coming as he had a fight with one of my nephews before coming so decided to stay home. I had a few words with him and told him what I thought but he is an adult and can decide what he wants to do, I wasn't going to beg.

Its funny Kerryn posted that they brought 'baby' a guitar, we also brought 2 guitars for the nieces, we then got back one of our electrics and amp from that house. Our count Kerryn is about 10 electric, 3 acoustic and 3 amps. That makes for a noisy house hold when Dazza's friends come over.

After having Christmas here, I have a growing shopping list for the house for next year.

• New Kitchen - 90cm oven (gas or fan forced electric) & dishwasher
• Close in out door area - change sliding door into bistro folding doors
• New dining setting
• More outdoor settings
• Christmas dinner settings
• Gravy boats!

I'm sure I will be able to add to the list shortly.

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Now over to the 'healthy eating plan' - I think I will place a new ticker for the 6 weeks to the wedding as well as one for a 12 week plan. Still don't know about actually entering any contests but I guess it doesn't cost anything. They have just started Weight Watchers at Work but as I have just moved to our new building (along with 4 other teams) they haven't added our site to the other 3 that are doing the plan. Although I'm not that upset about that as I really don't like Weight Watches, I end up changing more than 1 dinner in the seven day plan anyways.
So I think back to basics, chicken and veg for dinner, sometimes marinated sometimes not. Sweet potato instead of standard white potato's, snacks throughout the day, cottage cheese, tomato, BREAKFAST & EXERCISE. As I'm still on the return to work plan and only doing 5 hours a day I only get a 10 minute break time in the 5 hours so that can be a bit of a challenge in it's self but where there is a will there is a way. I think from the $50 bucks from MIL I will buy my 10 class pass for the local gym. Here goes.......................

Oh my................

My niece today gave me something to work towards. We received her invite to her wedding, its to be a garden wedding on Feb 9th. I told my brother that they could have given me more notice since I have about 25 kilos to lose. What is a girl to do, I guess there is always Tony Ferguson but a girl like to eat food not drink food.

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas

What have I done? I am having Christmas at my house for the first time ever (horror) Considering I haven't celebrated Christmas for about the past 4 years this is going to be a huge feat. Why would I not just take baby steps, no not me, I hadn't had the Christmas tree out of the roof since we moved her 3 years ago. Haven't put up any decorations for 4 years. The names on my Christmas balls still have names on them that have been and gone for ages. I am even working on Christmas Eve, how am I to manage setting up and cooking for how many??? 10 adults and 4 kids?? Christmas dinner no less, pork, chickens, turkey, veggies, baked potatoes, baked pumpkin, corn on the cob, pudding, desert ................ my mind can not comprehend what I have put myself into. Its all my big brothers fault. He doesn't remember but last year he planted the seed in my head when I was at the usual Christmas Eve drinks at his house, whilst I was 2 sheets to the wind. He then went to visit with my mother on Christmas day (he has his own at his home with his family and in-laws) and then planted the seed in her head. When I mentioned this to him not so long ago he can't remember ever saying that I should hold Christmas at my house instead. Too convenient I think :/

Did I mention that I have been renovating as well, we have removed the wall between the kitchen and the lounge making it 'open living', we haven't painted the new arch way yet so will have to get some deco's over it so it can't be seen. I have plaster stuck all over the floor, great that I can't get up so will have to place the rug over it. Think I might also have to start drinking just to cope.

I have started to thaw out the ham, chickens, pork, turkey and have cut up the broccoli, cauliflour, corn, measured the mixed veg, will have to grate some cheese for the broccoli and cauliflour bake, on Tuesday I will have to peel and cut the pumpkin & potatoes and it seems most of my work is done, oh did I mention the my oven is crap so that will take some time to to cook everything!

Warped self image

You know I have come to think about how I see myself of late. I was on the bus the other day and thought, boy at least I'm not that big, I've got nothing to worry about compared to her. But then the realisation that my clothes don't fit anymore makes me wonder. I originally thought, well your top half is small, its just your lower half, tummy, hips, thighs and butt. Then when buying tops that actually fit, I have to buy like an 18 or XXL, I can't make the excuse that they are Asian sizes so I have to buy bigger sizes than I am because its the same when I go into Target and the like. So now I do realise that I am a big girl, no matter how much I don't see it myself until I am naked or when buying clothes, I must come to terms with it or change it.

Dazza saw that I had printed the 12 week body blitz again and stated the obvious 'are you gunna do this again, do we have to take the pictures again?' I know he doesn't like to be blinded or reminded that he is married to this 'thing', I know that he loves me but come on, I don't even want to look at it! I haven't decided that I would do the challenge, I was if at all, going to do it on the side without him knowing, he must get sick of me and this crap that is my weight.

Darn those fairies

So after complaining about how lazy I am, the fairies came in last night to fix me up............... they broke the TV :(

I'm sitting here at the computer sad as I am in my size 16 Jacqui E jeans which I love and they are trying to suffocate me! it won't be long I hope before they are comfortable again. About this time last year my mum brought me the CIRSO diet book #2 and a Resistance Tube which I have never used :( so yesterday I went down to the library and photocopied the exercise sheet that came with it to make a nice appealing exercise chart to stick on the inside of my wardrobe door. Once I get it up I'll give you a nice photo.

So my journey is begining again, I even brought me some sweet potato.

What to do?

Last night I got got out some old mag's to look at and get some inspiration. I also pulled out my CSIRO book to have a bit of a read. I realised again that the dinner menu has stuff on it that I just don't eat, so what do you do? I'm not really good at following menu plans, I find them very restrictive, I am one of those people who needs to follow something so strictly that of course I'm going to fail. As soon as I have to waiver off the plan, I do a huge waiver, not a side step. That just sounded like a huge contradiction didn't it? What I mean is that if I am told to do something, I put my blinkers on and that's the only line I follow, once I come across a road block, say salmon with cous cous, that's it, that's me, I don't like any of that. So I might just step over that block but I seem to come to a road block the next day for dinner again as there is always something that I don't like. Why is it so hard? I want to loose the lower body weight but I am really stuck in the spot I'm already in, I can't see a way out. I am so lazy that the thought of going for a walk just makes me turn and find something else to do, the problem is that that something generally begins and ends on the couch. Even when there is nothing to watch I will just flick, whats wrong with me!

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Another thought also is: have you got any ideas for healthy snacks? I am a salt addict, I am more a savoury person than a sweet. My normal idea of snacks are plain chips, butter popcorn, licorise, corn chips with salsa, you get my drift, so anything you can think of in this type of area would be perfect.

A NEW RESOLVE

I know I've said it before but this time, I know is no different, but I'm sitting here feeling very uncomfortable, having thoughts of gastric bypass, knowing that its not the right way but maybe the right way for now. I know, I know slap me now.

I know also that I said I would walk to and from the train station but today I actually got a chance to drive my own car to the station. Its novel really, I haven't driven my car since starting this new job back in September as Dazza's been driving it to work instead to save on fuel (he has a V8 ute). So back to my point, no walking today. I will have to do some walking today after work, I do have to find a bank in the city today to do a deposit so that's a little bit, I know I'm dreaming to think that its anything that could help. Might go down to the local gym today after work and sign up for a 10 class pass.

Not much to say

So since my last post not much has been happening here, I did say I was going to start to do some exercise and as with most things I say, its gone by the wayside. But it must start.

I was went to my niece's grade 6 graduation on Friday night, what to wear, what to wear. Well thought just throw on some jeans and a nice top. Out came the size 16 Jacqui E jeans I brought off EBay, on they go, mmmmmmmmmmm how do I get the zip up? After some manipulation they went up but I thought how long for? So with that said, I think I will be walking to the train station daily, to and from, that way I get some extra exercise in. I haven't been walking the dogs due to my wrist as they pull a bit so I haven't had any exercise really. I really must get my butt moving, tonight I have washed the car and stress would have burnt some calories I think but other than that, big zero. I should be doing ironing now, sure that will burn some but I hate ironing. I haven't eaten much today except for 4 slices of white bread toast with margarine and peanut butter, not good I know but I will start to control it, after my large packet of Tangy chips, I promise :)

What else has happened ....................... well I almost brought a car again but my father talked some sense into me. Although I must admit, it doesn't take much to sway me from getting into $16000 in debt. I was really struggling with the thought of taking out a loan that goes for 5 years. After all Dazza's car isn't paid off yet and we still have 2 years to pay that. I hate that car loan, why would I do it again? But I almost did, I have to call Hyundai tomorrow to cancel the order. They are going to love me, twice now I have done that, next time when I really want to do it I will have to change dealerships :(

Well best go and start the bloody ironing, its not going to do itself. Once is done I will be really happy that they craps out of the lounge.