Help me make a difference!

A message from Sue Clarke sue@dscustomtoolboxes.com.au.

Hi Friend,

On 1-2 March, 2014, I'll be participating in a very special event called The Weekend to End Women's Cancers™ benefiting the Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre.

 

 

I'll walk approximately 60 kilometres in two days with thousands of other women and men. The proceeds will support breast and gynaecologic cancers research, treatment, and services.

 

 

I've committed to raising at least $2,000. So I need your help. Please help me by making a donation of $50 or whatever you can spare? Use the link at the bottom of this email to visit my site and make an online donation to support me. Please keep in mind how far I'm walking - and how hard I'll have to train.

 

 

I'm walking so far to do something bold about all women's cancers. I hope that you'll share this incredible adventure with me - by supporting me in my fundraising efforts.

 

 

Thank you in advance for your generosity!

 

Sincerely,
Sue Clarke

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transition

Transition

I am planning on changing over to Wordpress, so if you are interested in following our journey, please come and join me over at DreamBelieve

Local Celebrity

So the news is out.

A local magazine is going to do a 4 part series on the husband and I about our trip and resulting bub (fingers crossed).

I thought, OK, this is OK, but now they want to come over and take photo's of the husband and I, now that feels hard.

I got through the probing questions about the start of our relationship, when I realised there was a problem with our fertility, went through all of our testing and procedures. It was feeling really hard for a while there, nearly wanted to pull the plug, but pushed through.

I am a little freaked out that there will be a photographer in my home tomorrow.

On better new, mum will be released from rehab on Tuesday, that sounds wrong doesn't it, released, sounds like she is getting out of jail or substance rehab.

So not sure if I told you that I had my hair all cut off? Well I did, and now it also is a different colour, I have gone lighter, it will be even lighter by the time I head to the States. Its funny because of the photo shoot, I had originally given the magazine a photo of my long dark hair, which was curled for my nieces wedding. I thought I was smart because then no one would recognise me in the magazine, but now they will get current photo's, not happy Jan :(

So, there is 27 days until we leave! Its now coming really quickly and really becoming a reality....

I'm still a bit perplexed about what to take with us, don't know whether to bring allot of clothes or not, since I might want to buy some clothes in the States, whether to bring much in the way of shampoo and conditioner, since it will weigh allot in our cases to bring enough toiletries for 5 weeks, I think I will just bring a small bottle of each and buy the rest in the States. All these little things is what is swimming in my head at the moment.

My body also is giving me some grief. If your a guy, this is where you stop reading.

I am on the pill to get my cycle where the clinic needs it. In doing so, I am skipping a period and continuing to take the active pills. Well my body is saying, no, I want to give you this period, you must take it. So at the moment, I am suffering the cramps but to date, no period as yet.

I don't know if this has been the same experience that others have had, would be interesting tohear from anyone reading who has gone through similar experience.

Well have to go for now, well check back maybe after the photo shoot tomorrow. EEEERK

5 weekends

That's all we have until our trip!

It is amazing, I can't believe how fast its moving. We have booked all of our hotels, the last one changed to a Hollywood hotel. I am so nervous about flying, not looking forward to that side of it but I am excited about the food I have read on allot of menus.

Last night I went out and got my hair colour changed and had the chop. That should make for interesting customs conversation trying to get out of Australia and into LAX.

I guess the count down will start soon, I will have to make some lists, start getting things together for our cases.

I have been really stressed about work, my mother, the trip and 'the husbands' business. All things are getting better but I can't help but try to control everything. I know that I can't be everything to everyone but this is what I have been in a long time, its hard to stop.

Well I have the in laws coming for Indian tonight, will drop some off to mum as well, she loves Indian food. Mum has moved over to rehab now, she has been there for about 6 days now, not sure exactly how long she will be there for, but as long as she can start to walk by herself and get some of her Independence back again, it will be worth it.

My dogs have all had their won issues as well, Becky's heart murmer is getting worse, I have her on up to 5 tablets a day, now I have started to cook and give her low sodium food in a hope that it will help, it doesn't appear to be helping yet :( Molly had issues with her ears, lucky the medication fixed it, we thought she may have had to undergo surgery but lucky she didn't. Humphrey, well he has been Humphrey, no issues really to speak of with him, luck is on my side with him :)

Well better make a move to get this place ready for the in laws.

Nothing new but nothing old either

I'm finding it difficult to remove blogs from my blog list, even those that haven't blogged in months. Sometimes is just too hard to let go, like Big Al or Polar's Mom.... I keep hoping that they will come back but they still don't seem to be anywhere, maybe they have gotten on with their real lives??

I have finally started to prepare for our trip to the States. Since I am travelling all the way to another country, I didn't want to leave anything to chance, so I have started the Pill a month early. God I hate the Pill, it makes me feel blah, sick, blah. So I am taking it at night and hoping I can get through the most of it through my sleep. Its not working.

I have been really stressed of late. The Husband is now working for himself full time from home. It is soo hard to leave every day knowing he is still in bed and is home all day while I'm at a work place :(

Work has been stressing me. Its been really busy because we have been short of staff and I am having to help where I don't want to be, making me angry :(

Mum is still in the hospital, that is taking its toll on me, mentally and physically :(

But did you know that there is only 44 days until we fly out to LA :)

The Husband has started dreaming about us having twins, a boy and a girl. He then goes on to tell me that as soon as the babies are born, I want to go back for more treatment/babies!! Can you even imagine?? I told you we have great vibes about this treatment :)

My new bathing suit has arrived and I am very excited. We are still looking into things to do while we are there, The Husband would like to travel to NYC to attend Ground Zero and pay our respects, however we have to fit in with the clinic so these things might have to be looked at once we arrive and get a schedule set in stone.

Anywho, best be making a move, I'm meant to be at work, doing work stuff ;)

nothing really to title this as...

As per usual, I am back and forth to the hospital, mum got so sick this time so suddenly that she was blinded, literally blinded. She had gotten up in the morning to go to the toilet and could no longer see! By the time she got to the hospital, she had NO blood pressure at all. Once they got her stabilised, she spent a few days in ICU, went to a unit within the hospital however her breathing again got really laboured, nearly went back to ICU, but mum resisted so they dealt with her in the unit. Blood sugars continued to drop every day, one ICU nurse told me that its concerning that her body might be shutting down. It is still hard for me to believe because she is still talking to me.

I am still the point of contact so everyone is calling/txting me to find out what is happening, I just want to shout that if people went to see her, they would know how she is. I work full time but still manage to see her every day. They don't call her because they would prefer her direct number which I can't give them, its obviously to hard to call through reception.

I am really worried that one of these days, coming soon will be the end. I don't know what will be worse, her going before we leave for the US, or something happening while we are in the US, what will I do without her in my life. She is my best friend. 'The Husband' has even asked me if I want to be told if something happens while we are away. I don't know how to answer that question.

Weight loss is not happening, I don't have enough hours/minutes in the day to be thinking about what I am or not eating, allot of the time its just take out on the way home from the hospital.

'The Husband' is no longer employed, causing me more stress, he is basically working for himself however it doesn't make me feel secure. I'm worried about our trip to the US, will we have enough cash. I just don't know anymore. I am visualising our trip, I can see it, I can taste it but do I really believe we will be there?? Yes and No.

Its been a while

I can't believe its nearly been a month since I updated.

Oops, sorry, how neglectful of me.

I am getting extremely excited for our trip, the days are counting down very quickly, 64 days until we fly out to LA.

'The Husbands' home business is cranking along, so much he can hardly keep up, she is continuing to hint that he might have to give up his full time job. I will resist for as long as I can. I just don't trust that the second shoe might drop and he ends up with no work at all.

My job has been very busy. I am getting extremely frustrated with some of my co worker, some of them are so slack and I have to pick up the slack allot. I had to let my team leader know today how I was getting frustrated. It just wasn't fair to myself.

We have been contacted by our clinic for our doctors clinic in the States, 2.15pm on the day we arrive in LA. Nothing like getting the ball rolling. LOL

So that's about it, not much to update really.

I am still wanting to loose some weight before heading over but sometimes its easier to say than do. I would love to lose 2 kilos per week but 1 per week would be great too.

Any way, this is it, I'm done, got to get the cake out of the oven, ok the diet can be after the cake.

touching base

Well what's been happening??

I've had good news and some bad news.....

The Bad:

My cousin unfortunately miscarried, she was 20 weeks and having a boy. Very sad, she had recently had a baby girl and was shocked and excited to find she was pregnant again but took it in her stride. In the mean time her partner, my aunt and her children lost there home also due to no work and the loss of her business a while ago. They are all moving interstate but not before she must arrange a heart breaking funeral for her baby boy.

My niece whom also recently tied the knot with one of the most frustrating men I know has been knocked off her butt as well. Her new husband quit/got sacked from the new job 'the husband' got for him. She has decided to interview for a new job that pays more (since she is the sole bread winner) but before that happened her paternal grandmother had a brain aneurysm and has passed away, the funeral being Monday this week.

The Good:

Well its always a good week when mum's home and not in the hospital. She was also admitted to the hospital the same weekend at the other grandmother, which she stayed for about a week but has been home for a week now.

My brother and his wife leave for the States tomorrow and gave us a call last night. Unusual so I stated to freak out when he said..... No need to panic but I wanted you to hear it from me.... I had to brace myself thinking that he knew something about my parents that I hadn't been told yet.... but to my surprise it wasn't....

He went on to say, well we know about your situation, and we didn't want you to hear this from someone else..... Cassie is pregnant! Cassie is my other niece. She is an only child so this is fantastic news for my brother and his wife. Cas has been married going on 2.5 years, she is 27 years of age and is so happily married it makes you sick. She and her husband have travelled the world since he works for one of our large airlines in engineering and I think they are going to be blessed and live a great life.

Well, I started writing this post on Friday morning and its now Saturday, been up since 6.15am and 1 thing has changed from above. Of course its mum, she is back in hospital. She has cellulitis in her right leg, they did think that it could have been another blood clot but it is believed now that it may be just the cellulitis. Thank goodness. I started to get frustrated yesterday when she went back into the hospital, they never seem to look at previous records. Mum was in hospital only the week before where they were trying to manage her pain but do you think that they wrote up her pain medication yesterday??/ No of course not, so had to make sure before I left last night that she would be comfortable.

You know the older they come the younger they seem. Strange isn't it. I feel like they are children again and I need to make sure that they are OK and that only I can make things better, like they have no voice for themselves or that they don't know direction any longer. I think its me, not them that needs to adjust and just back off sometimes.

Diet/lifestyle changes...
I have a friend who has taken on the Bodytrim system, her results, 19 kilo loss in 10 weeks. Sounds fantastic to me. On the little I have read of the book, it appears to be a high protein diet, much like the Durkin diet, first 3 days being protein only.... Thought I would give it a go, little trial so to speak.

Feelings

I got a text message the other night that I should be happy about but my feelings were ...... assaulted, battered, worn down, you get what I mean. What did it say?

"It's a boy and Lucas will be home this weekend a new baby brother for Olivia
and she is very excited"

Its not that I was not excited or happy for them but to be able to adopt 2 babies so quickly just did my head in when it seemed that someone deemed me not worthy of 1. I remember giving that person the advise, from IVF to adoption, and then they get through for the second time and we couldn't get through for the 1st time.

I feel like this time in LA is going to work and I feel like we are going to be blessed with twins, maybe a boy and a girl but I feel really lucky to have been given the opportunity to be a mother. I so feel like this is going to work. Am I crazy? I don't know, I like this kind of crazy.

Update

So a couple of things have gone down since I last updated.

Mum had another fall out of bed on Monday, thought she might of broken a hip, unluckily it turn out to be nothing, after the x-rays and having the physio help her work, she came home from the hospital. I took her dogs to the vet Tuesday, left one there for surgery, Wednesday did the pick up and took home back to mum's. By the time I got back she was on the phone with the hospital...... wait for it ..... they reviewed her x-rays, she does have a hairline break in her pelvis??

Oh that's why it hurts like f*ck!

Result, bed rest for the next few weeks. Fun for everyone around her, she does not stay in bed people!

A week ago I also had to take my Miss Becky to the vet also, she had developed a bit of a cough, I was just praying for no kennel cough, especially since we have to other dogs at home.

Well kennel cough would have been less expensive. Miss Becky has a heart murmur. That's right, on a scale of 1 to 6, she is a 4. Thank God, 5 and 6 are surgery. She will be on medication for the rest of her little life but at least I still have her. $120 per month for meds, I just try not to think of the cost over a 5 year span although I hope she will live forever.

My sister from another mother, Kerrie, has contacted me to advise that she has friends in America that can get accommodation for me cheaper, so just waiting to hear if the cost is less than my original quotes, not holding my breath but any saving is good for spending money ;)

I am on my weight loss journey still. Although I thought about doing the Master Cleanse, I have come to my senses and have changed my plans and will update with a new weight update in a week or two. Start weight is 91.5 on Friday 6th May. Although everyone thinks that I hold my weigh well and no one can see the weight on me, I can see it. I also just saw the professional photo's of my nieces wedding and those freakin fat arms are in them, not happy Jan, so have to start doing some light weights to fix that issue.

I fixed the sneaker issue by of course buying new shoes. I brought some Portland Get Fit Lift shoes, they are like the tone ups but the Aussie version I guess. I can tell you that they do make for some sore shins after a couple of days. But with the little peep hole in the top, it helped with the tattoo.

the problem is

having a tattoo on my foot means that I can't put on my sneakers for 2 weeks!

Never thought of that before, until yesterday when I had to go looking for track pants or sneakers. I can only were my low cut flat shoes, OK for work but we have a 5 day long weekend here.

I so want to get out and go for a walk but I can't in those flat shoes. Its so boring at home at the moment, there is nothing on television, how many times can you brush the dogs??

Think I might go to the hardware and gardening store, maybe I can get started on my front garden makeover.

Bored bored booorrreeedddd

So yesterday I went and got my first ever tattoo.

I won't lie, it was painful but well worth it I think.

It is a dragonfly which is symbolism of myself and renewal in attitude and life changing, as well as dream catcher, of course we are always chasing dreams, whether that's, weight loss, the house of your dreams or the holiday you've always wanted, if you aren't dreaming then you might as well give up on living, and lastly the 10 stars, which symbolise the 110 embryos a special family have donated to the husband and I.

The huband also went and got himself a tattoo which is for his brother who died in his arms, it isn't finished yet so won't post a picture as yet until its coloured in.

So there you go, finally we have the tattoo, was thinking about having 'DREAM' and 'BELIEVE' on each wrist. Still thinking about that for now.

the day of pain

Today is the day that I receive my tattoo. I'm getting really nervous at the moment about how painful it will be on my foot and also the fact that it will cover most of my right foot. Is it the right place to have the tattoo? I don't know but I know I want to see it not have it on my back where I can't see it most of the time. But I won't be able to cover it, you will see it with most shoes that I wear, is that a problem? No not really but I am someone that does worry about how people see me. It is now 8.03am and at 10am I will start to receive the tattoo and by 11.30am it will be over. I will then still go and gather up my mother and take her shopping as per usual, don't know how that will go but I must do what I must do.

The Husband will then start to receive his tattoo after me. He is getting his right forearm done in honour of his brother, who died in 'the husbands' arms when they were together riding their motorbikes. Its been about 6 years since then and its taken this time to get the right thing designed and finally move forward.

A big day for us, symbolically.

Detox

Yesterday I decided that I think I need to do a detox. I felt really bloated and had pains in my stomach area. I felt like I had increased my inners x 3 all within my 8 hour work day and was so uncomfortable by the end of the day.

So I started looking at the Master Cleanse. I have been looking at others posts on YouTube to see results good and bad, some lose weight with the cleanse, skin is great, no hunger but some get rashes big time. So I have ordered the ebook to give it a good read first. It can't do my any harm (unless I get a rash) to be able to clean out my system of any built up crap in my system. I have watched some strange shows like 'most embarrassing illness' where they do coffee enemas and they pass 'colon plague' by the bucket full. Although they lose weight, its like internal weight, not outer weight. After all it is all but a fluid diet so its not like you are really going to be using it like a diet.

I have seen some on YouTube that have done the cleanse for 40 days, well that's commitment. I don't think I could do it for that long, 10 day minimum will be big for me.

Its just a thought at the moment, not determined. Don't know how I could do the saltwater flush and still be able to get any work done at work, my bathroom at work is not very close to my desk, apparently its a mad rush to 'eliminate' within 2 hours of the saltwater flush.

As you can probably see I have added a countdown ticker for leaving for LA and for the transfer. I am really getting excited now. Sorry for my American friends but the AUD/USD $ is great for our trip at the moment. I just can't wait to pack our bags, although I am scared about flying. I just am not a good flier, something about lack of control and feet not being on the ground, less distance to fall.

all going great

This week has gone from good to great! Mum has been quiet well for her, she has a sore back but is getting stronger everyday. They have even given in to the fact that they can't do everything and have a guy coming to do the dawns and gardening once a month. That means a happy family because no one will be nagging to have the lawn mowed ;) We received 'The husband' passport in the mail, so the Visa Waivers are done - tick we also received our International Drivers licenses in the mail - tick Travel insurance purchased - tick I did purchase the airline tickets and booked a car from the airport - tick however someone at work mentioned that they thought we were very brave getting a car from the airport since we will be getting off a long haul flight, driving on the wrong side of the road and trying to get out of the airport with inter contenting freeways............... well when you say it like that............... might cancel the car from the airport, will probably get a shuttle from the airport to the hotel then get the hire car. I have chosen the hotels, yes that's right hotels. We have decided to move hotels, not too far from the clinic but enough to make it feel new over the 5 weeks, the last week being very close tot he beach, well on top of the beach. We will do some trips in the spare time, like a trip to Mexico for the day, a 3 day 2 night trip over to Vagas baby with a side trip to the Grand Canon. 'The Husband' isn't that interested in going to Disney Land and as I don't do rides I don't really care but others have told us we should go anyway because its not just about the rides. If anyone can think of something else we can/should do, feel free to comment. I've currently been dieting for our trip, nothing crazy but it has shown some results thus far, Monday I was 91.6 and as of Saturday are 90.0, now I haven't exercised like I should have but still have these results, it can only get better. Although yesterday at woek I won the Easter raffle....... a massive basket of eggs and bunnies, however I had just been sent on a mission to the lollie shop for the mothers barley sugar that I swear she is addicted to more than she was to the smokes, and thought, I should by the easter eggs for everyone, called the mother, she put in a request, after I spent $51 for gifts from me and $58 for gifts from the mother and then I arrive back to work and after spending $6 on raffle tickets (9 tickets in totol) I win the mother load! Lucky I don't really eat chocolate cause we could really be in trouble with the diet. 132 days until we fly to LA!

136 days till we fly

We are getting another step closer. Today we received our e-tickets for the flights and 'the husbands' passport is waiting at the post office for him to collect tomorrow. The international drivers licenses should be here Wednesday or Thursday and the car rental has been booked. Next we can apply for our Visa waivers tomorrow night and waiting to book the accommodation because it appears that the Internet doesn't like to book anything more that 25 days. Still have to work out what we are going to do about the pets. We could get someone to come and house sit for the 5 weeks, remembering we have 3 dogs, 2 cats and 4 snakes. I got a quote for a dog kennel and cattery which worked out to be something like $3000. So we have a nephew we can ask to come and stay or a sister in-law to take some of the dogs and someone to come to the house to feed the cats but what to do, what to do? We have 136 days until we fly out, not that I'm counting or anything :) I have started a small diet, not mentioning a great deal about it but hopefully it will make a difference between pregnant or not.

Treatment info

So although we know we are coming to the States for the embryo adoption, I haven't really talked much about the treatment and transfer....

1. We will be starting with a blood test and ultrasound to check my ovaries and lining (possibly here in Australia or in the States) on the 26th August


2. then if we aren't already in the States we will fly over and go to the clinic on the 31st August - on this day we have our first shot of Delestrogen injection


3. on the 3rd Sept next Delestrogen shot


4. 7th Sept next appointment with the doctor/clinic, another shot of Delestrogen


5. 10th Sept - Delestrogen shot


6. 14th Sept - Delestrogen shot


7. 16th add 1cc Progesterone shot


8. 17th 2cc Progesterone daily and Delestrogen


9. 18/19/20th 2cc Progesterone


10. 21st Delestrogen and TRANSFER -back to hotel and rest for 2 days


11. 30th Sept first PREGNANCY TEST


12. 4th Oct second PREGNANCY TEST

Daily I am taking Pregnancy Platinum vitamins and Folic Acid supplements

Our clinics web pages has success rates based on the egg donors age, since our egg donor was under 35 at the time of conception of the embryos, their success rate is 48%. I hoping that this will be a good vibe for us, especially with all that has happened this week with everything falling into place.

I am really excited to receive 'the husbands' passport early this week and then our international drivers licenses, next to apply for our Visa waiver (have to wait for the other passport).

We are on our way babies, only 4 and a bit months left before we fly out to meet you.....

updates

It is really REAL we are coming to America I have had my annual leave approved, my passport is here (just waiting for the husbands on Monday). Live has been good to us this week, let me explain.... I put in my leave a week or so ago, my Team Leader thought she knew how to process leave without pay, so it sat on her desk for a week until the rostering lady asked when I was going to apply for my leave? I told her I had but since it has to go through her, she was puzzled. I sent the TL a quick email to let her know that I had been asked about the leave, which had her pointed into the right direction. The HR person came to request if I would give her approval to advise the head of the company why I wanted unpaid leave, he must have been racking his brain as to what my 'medical procedure being performed in United States' meant, maybe he thought I would be coming back with a breast enhancement of double E! So with some information relaid, the leave is approved. Great I now have the time now to come up with the money. Low and behold, I get home that night and there is a cheque in the mail for $6330. I now that we would be getting it sooner or later but not sooner. Life is good, could it get better?? I am at work on Friday, after having a crap Thursday at work, when the TL wants to see me again. Geez, if she has 'words' with me about someone else's job again that I am helping out with, I will spit it. I am just breathing, thinking about the 139 days until we leave for America. The kicker, just when you least expect something, BAM, take that. The big bosses at my work place have decided that because of my 'holiday reason' I am no longer having leave WITHOUT pay, they will pay me while I am away! Now I am taking 5 weeks leave, 3 of which were leave without pay. That's going to equal about $2000 bonus. Even if I leave the work place, pregnant or not, I do not owe them the money! What? How is the universe smiling on me so much, not that I am questioning the universe but lets just say, I will be playing the lotto this week. Its a nice change from what the universe had been dishing out. So we are planning on leaving Australia for the US on approx 26th August until end of September. Planning in some day trips, maybe to Mexico and Vagas, maybe some other places. Now it really is REAL.

PLANS

I've applied for the annual leave to come over to the States, applied for a new passport and just purchased some new luggage. I'd say the plans are a GO

Am I a little excited? HELL yeah

Days and weeks are moving so fast and soon it will be time to get on that jet airplane and fly for some 15 hours if I can get a direct flight or some 18 to 27 hours if I end up with some stop overs!

I am also looking to get a tattoo for the very first time. Have been trawling the web for inspiration, I would really like a dragonfly, either on my wrist or my foot. Maybe some flowers that symbolise the 10 gifts that have been given to us by a very special family. This is such a turning point on our lives. One that I was unsure was ever going to happen.

So I am just trying to make sure I stay as healthy as possible, loose some excess, and keep the dream alive.

Mum's back in hospital, hopefully she will be home soon, and home in time for Mandy's wedding next Saturday, fingers crossed.

Work has been fantastic, really loving it at the moment.

Life is good.

12-3-11

My neices hens night took place last night and lots of fun was had.