touching base

Well what's been happening??

I've had good news and some bad news.....

The Bad:

My cousin unfortunately miscarried, she was 20 weeks and having a boy. Very sad, she had recently had a baby girl and was shocked and excited to find she was pregnant again but took it in her stride. In the mean time her partner, my aunt and her children lost there home also due to no work and the loss of her business a while ago. They are all moving interstate but not before she must arrange a heart breaking funeral for her baby boy.

My niece whom also recently tied the knot with one of the most frustrating men I know has been knocked off her butt as well. Her new husband quit/got sacked from the new job 'the husband' got for him. She has decided to interview for a new job that pays more (since she is the sole bread winner) but before that happened her paternal grandmother had a brain aneurysm and has passed away, the funeral being Monday this week.

The Good:

Well its always a good week when mum's home and not in the hospital. She was also admitted to the hospital the same weekend at the other grandmother, which she stayed for about a week but has been home for a week now.

My brother and his wife leave for the States tomorrow and gave us a call last night. Unusual so I stated to freak out when he said..... No need to panic but I wanted you to hear it from me.... I had to brace myself thinking that he knew something about my parents that I hadn't been told yet.... but to my surprise it wasn't....

He went on to say, well we know about your situation, and we didn't want you to hear this from someone else..... Cassie is pregnant! Cassie is my other niece. She is an only child so this is fantastic news for my brother and his wife. Cas has been married going on 2.5 years, she is 27 years of age and is so happily married it makes you sick. She and her husband have travelled the world since he works for one of our large airlines in engineering and I think they are going to be blessed and live a great life.

Well, I started writing this post on Friday morning and its now Saturday, been up since 6.15am and 1 thing has changed from above. Of course its mum, she is back in hospital. She has cellulitis in her right leg, they did think that it could have been another blood clot but it is believed now that it may be just the cellulitis. Thank goodness. I started to get frustrated yesterday when she went back into the hospital, they never seem to look at previous records. Mum was in hospital only the week before where they were trying to manage her pain but do you think that they wrote up her pain medication yesterday??/ No of course not, so had to make sure before I left last night that she would be comfortable.

You know the older they come the younger they seem. Strange isn't it. I feel like they are children again and I need to make sure that they are OK and that only I can make things better, like they have no voice for themselves or that they don't know direction any longer. I think its me, not them that needs to adjust and just back off sometimes.

Diet/lifestyle changes...
I have a friend who has taken on the Bodytrim system, her results, 19 kilo loss in 10 weeks. Sounds fantastic to me. On the little I have read of the book, it appears to be a high protein diet, much like the Durkin diet, first 3 days being protein only.... Thought I would give it a go, little trial so to speak.

Feelings

I got a text message the other night that I should be happy about but my feelings were ...... assaulted, battered, worn down, you get what I mean. What did it say?

"It's a boy and Lucas will be home this weekend a new baby brother for Olivia
and she is very excited"

Its not that I was not excited or happy for them but to be able to adopt 2 babies so quickly just did my head in when it seemed that someone deemed me not worthy of 1. I remember giving that person the advise, from IVF to adoption, and then they get through for the second time and we couldn't get through for the 1st time.

I feel like this time in LA is going to work and I feel like we are going to be blessed with twins, maybe a boy and a girl but I feel really lucky to have been given the opportunity to be a mother. I so feel like this is going to work. Am I crazy? I don't know, I like this kind of crazy.

Update

So a couple of things have gone down since I last updated.

Mum had another fall out of bed on Monday, thought she might of broken a hip, unluckily it turn out to be nothing, after the x-rays and having the physio help her work, she came home from the hospital. I took her dogs to the vet Tuesday, left one there for surgery, Wednesday did the pick up and took home back to mum's. By the time I got back she was on the phone with the hospital...... wait for it ..... they reviewed her x-rays, she does have a hairline break in her pelvis??

Oh that's why it hurts like f*ck!

Result, bed rest for the next few weeks. Fun for everyone around her, she does not stay in bed people!

A week ago I also had to take my Miss Becky to the vet also, she had developed a bit of a cough, I was just praying for no kennel cough, especially since we have to other dogs at home.

Well kennel cough would have been less expensive. Miss Becky has a heart murmur. That's right, on a scale of 1 to 6, she is a 4. Thank God, 5 and 6 are surgery. She will be on medication for the rest of her little life but at least I still have her. $120 per month for meds, I just try not to think of the cost over a 5 year span although I hope she will live forever.

My sister from another mother, Kerrie, has contacted me to advise that she has friends in America that can get accommodation for me cheaper, so just waiting to hear if the cost is less than my original quotes, not holding my breath but any saving is good for spending money ;)

I am on my weight loss journey still. Although I thought about doing the Master Cleanse, I have come to my senses and have changed my plans and will update with a new weight update in a week or two. Start weight is 91.5 on Friday 6th May. Although everyone thinks that I hold my weigh well and no one can see the weight on me, I can see it. I also just saw the professional photo's of my nieces wedding and those freakin fat arms are in them, not happy Jan, so have to start doing some light weights to fix that issue.

I fixed the sneaker issue by of course buying new shoes. I brought some Portland Get Fit Lift shoes, they are like the tone ups but the Aussie version I guess. I can tell you that they do make for some sore shins after a couple of days. But with the little peep hole in the top, it helped with the tattoo.

the problem is

having a tattoo on my foot means that I can't put on my sneakers for 2 weeks!

Never thought of that before, until yesterday when I had to go looking for track pants or sneakers. I can only were my low cut flat shoes, OK for work but we have a 5 day long weekend here.

I so want to get out and go for a walk but I can't in those flat shoes. Its so boring at home at the moment, there is nothing on television, how many times can you brush the dogs??

Think I might go to the hardware and gardening store, maybe I can get started on my front garden makeover.

Bored bored booorrreeedddd

So yesterday I went and got my first ever tattoo.

I won't lie, it was painful but well worth it I think.

It is a dragonfly which is symbolism of myself and renewal in attitude and life changing, as well as dream catcher, of course we are always chasing dreams, whether that's, weight loss, the house of your dreams or the holiday you've always wanted, if you aren't dreaming then you might as well give up on living, and lastly the 10 stars, which symbolise the 110 embryos a special family have donated to the husband and I.

The huband also went and got himself a tattoo which is for his brother who died in his arms, it isn't finished yet so won't post a picture as yet until its coloured in.

So there you go, finally we have the tattoo, was thinking about having 'DREAM' and 'BELIEVE' on each wrist. Still thinking about that for now.

the day of pain

Today is the day that I receive my tattoo. I'm getting really nervous at the moment about how painful it will be on my foot and also the fact that it will cover most of my right foot. Is it the right place to have the tattoo? I don't know but I know I want to see it not have it on my back where I can't see it most of the time. But I won't be able to cover it, you will see it with most shoes that I wear, is that a problem? No not really but I am someone that does worry about how people see me. It is now 8.03am and at 10am I will start to receive the tattoo and by 11.30am it will be over. I will then still go and gather up my mother and take her shopping as per usual, don't know how that will go but I must do what I must do.

The Husband will then start to receive his tattoo after me. He is getting his right forearm done in honour of his brother, who died in 'the husbands' arms when they were together riding their motorbikes. Its been about 6 years since then and its taken this time to get the right thing designed and finally move forward.

A big day for us, symbolically.

Detox

Yesterday I decided that I think I need to do a detox. I felt really bloated and had pains in my stomach area. I felt like I had increased my inners x 3 all within my 8 hour work day and was so uncomfortable by the end of the day.

So I started looking at the Master Cleanse. I have been looking at others posts on YouTube to see results good and bad, some lose weight with the cleanse, skin is great, no hunger but some get rashes big time. So I have ordered the ebook to give it a good read first. It can't do my any harm (unless I get a rash) to be able to clean out my system of any built up crap in my system. I have watched some strange shows like 'most embarrassing illness' where they do coffee enemas and they pass 'colon plague' by the bucket full. Although they lose weight, its like internal weight, not outer weight. After all it is all but a fluid diet so its not like you are really going to be using it like a diet.

I have seen some on YouTube that have done the cleanse for 40 days, well that's commitment. I don't think I could do it for that long, 10 day minimum will be big for me.

Its just a thought at the moment, not determined. Don't know how I could do the saltwater flush and still be able to get any work done at work, my bathroom at work is not very close to my desk, apparently its a mad rush to 'eliminate' within 2 hours of the saltwater flush.

As you can probably see I have added a countdown ticker for leaving for LA and for the transfer. I am really getting excited now. Sorry for my American friends but the AUD/USD $ is great for our trip at the moment. I just can't wait to pack our bags, although I am scared about flying. I just am not a good flier, something about lack of control and feet not being on the ground, less distance to fall.