Well thats right, its almost Christmas and I've been nothing but a B*tch to Darren. He wants to buy me a present for Christmas but I am being painful. You see, I hate Christmas as we don't have a baby to celebrate Christmas with. Whats the good of having Christmas without a baby, to see their little faces light up when they see the Christmas lights and presents under a tree. I haven't put a tree up for about 4 years now. Actually thats about how long ago my brother in-law died in a motorbike accident. I wonder if some of my sadness for Christmas comes from that also???
Not only is not having a baby shitting me but I can't find a thing to wear that looks any good on me. I am soo fat dam it! I know only I can change that fact but geez, I can't justify buying anything, nothing.
I have the CSIRO diet book my mum brought me and the exercise tube that you use in the programe but have put it off as the grocery list is huge and will cost a fortune. I have told everyone (mum and Darren) that I will start it when we go back to work so I don't have to worry about the money. But I'm just prolonging the chellange I guess and oh and the pain.
Anyway, thats it for me for another day.
