Sunday, June 28, 2009

we got the call

Why do I do it to myself? Of course I can't be patient and wait for them to call me, I have to ring and hassle them out. Them is the assessment people. Then Dazza loses his job, again. Of course. That's 5 jobs in 5 months! What in the world is happening here???

So the call came that they wanted to start on the 4th of July! But that only gives me one weekend to finish my house to the way I want it to be when they arrive. Eek horror.

I changed my mind, I can't do this, ok I can but its going to be hard. I have changed the date of starting to the 11th so that it give me an extra weekend. Having said that, I really have wasted this Saturday by doing nothing.

Do I really want this or not?

Can I live with being child free forever?

Do I want to change my lifestyle, change the way I treat my animals (treated as children at the moment)?

I know I am looking forward to having the dogs outside more, to at least keep the floors clean longer and the dirt and dust out. Maybe the furniture will not be cover in dust from the heating system if the dirt isn't sucked into the roof heating?

Maybe its the rejection I think I can't handle so I sabotage myself instead, maybe I don't think I'm good enough to be a mum. I should just carry on being a critic of those you can be.

I went into Baby Bunting yesterday with my mum, I just looked at everything, I couldn't believe how many cribs there were on offer, not to mention the prams!!! Everywhere I looked there were pregnant women. I didn't know if to smile or just cry because I will never be one of them. If I had a thin body maybe that would make me feel better, to think I could have a baby without getting fat, but I'm already fat. Maybe I'll use my gym membership soon to at least lose some weight and get healthy so that if the Gods to grant me the honour of being a mum, I'll be fit enough to take it on.

So at the end of all that, the assessment is due to commence on the 11th of July, no telling when it will end yet, but I'm sure the process will be painful.

Sunday, June 07, 2009



Oh my God will it ever end...........

That's the painting and tiling that is.

1 bedroom - to be babies bedroom & the laundry to go!

Yesterday we were meant to finish the painting and the tiling, even got up early and went and got a bit of extra grout, expect after picking mum up, I couldn't be bothered. I did have to go to Bunnings Warehouse where I saw, low and behold a paint that No Swimmers used in her kitchen to make it look like a million dollars. So I brought a can home to show hubby. He didn't think it would work but thought he would give it a go. That's when I was sent back to Bunnings to buy more! Since we are going to redo the sink area, there is no use painting the bench tops yet but the side panel and the front of the island was done and it has really transformed the kitchen already. I'm just trying to talk hubby into painting all of the cupboards, with our brushed silver handles on the hammered brown it will look great. It's what we were going to do for colour on the $10,000 kitchen we were quoted for anyway.

Still no word from the contractored social worker, lucky I guess, the fumes are overwhelming!