Saturday, September 29, 2007

Just checking in

Hi all,

Its almost been a week since I was last here, I don't know where the time flies to?? I really haven't done much this week besides going to work, coming home, cooking dinner, eating dinner, doing dishes, feeding animals and then going to bed, all still by about 7.30pm. My days seem to be a whirlwind, up at 6am, feed animals, shower and get ready for work, leave by 7.35am and off it all goes again. I really must start to take some sort of vitamin as I am always tired. The sex life has gone out the window, much to Dazza's disgust, but I just don't seem to have the energy.

We haven't been taking the dogs for walks, and I definitely haven't taken myself for a walk in a while, except of course to the bus stop and up Bourke Street 2 blocks to my building and back. I'm thinking if I can just get some more exercise, my energy level will kick back up. I have cancelled my membership at Beach house, well I gave my 30 days notice again, s I really am not getting there and as we are down to 1 car because Dazza is doing some stuff to his motor, I can't really get there anyway. I think I would be better off with a 10 trip pass at the local gym anyway to do gym classes which I enjoy more anyway, I can walk there once daylight savings start again. Think I might start taking that horny goats weed thing, you know the stuff I mean from the supermarket, at least that is meant to boost your energy and might keep Dazza happ for a while. I guess it doesn't help that I told him during the week that I dreamt I had an affair with a big Mouri guy? Its been an on going joke all week but maybe its running thin since we haven't made it to the bedroom. Sorry for TMI for those of you that don't care.

On a better note, Kek sent me an email for the Melbourne Fitness Expo coming up in November I think. I can't wait to see what they have there. You know its been a month since I have been working in the city and I still haven't managed to get to DFO, thats good going I think. Although I must admit taking this job on less pay is killing me, but I am much happier. Even the callers seem happier. Anyway, must run, still have all these blogs to catch up on. Check ya


Thought I would answer some of the comments on this page because I still haven't worked out a good way to answer them.

I can't go to the gym at lunch as we only get 30 mintes, thats log off your phone and the 30 mintues begin ................. NOW

I didn't buy the Horny Goats Weed or Wyld for Women yet, I did however by the Vitamin B so will see how the energy level improves after a month of taking that one.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Here I am

Thought I had better sign in and blog before the world of bloggers forgets about me!

Not that much has been happening in my life of late. I have successfully stopped dieting, a good thing in a way but also bad. Luckily for me as I have been sick, I haven't really put on any weight since giving up dieting. I have consistently stayed just under 82kgs so I am at least happy with that. unfortunately for me its TTOM so am again feeling sorry for myself and they medication for my tum hasn't kicked in yet darn it. I am feeling a flurry of emotions of late. My dear friend who has been doing IVF along with me has finally fallen pregnant again and fingers crossed that its a keeper, but along with this has brought back to my mind to try IVF again. But in doing this, it prolongs the adoption route as you have to have given up IVF for at least 6 months. That takes me to nearly 40 and Dazza 44. Adoption is a long road as it is, do I want to prolong it any further? But the thought of having our own........................ its just so hard. I sometimes think that even though we have done a lot of treatments over our 14 years, we really haven't done allot of IVF, 4-5 treatments I think in total. That's not a lot when you think about it.

I've started to dream again about kids, started to think about permanent care which isn't somewhere I wanted to go. Permanent care is were a child/children have been removed via a court and the parents can not 'ever' have the kids back but you can not adopt them/change their names. These kids can range from birth to 12 years of age. It may sound horrible but I don't want a child that I need to battle with over their past bad experiences. I know that its not their doing but the actions of their parents that have gotten them there, but in the end you can't expect that the kids won't have these bad experiences rubbing off onto them. I guess that my nephews are what brings be to these mixed feelings, even though they are the ones that helped me get to the adoption thought, but the thought that you can raise a kid from a young age, and it doesn't matter what you do for them throughout their lives, they can still not turn back the hands of time. What they have learnt through bad experiences in their past can not be erased. I do believe it is Nature not Nurture that makes people who they are.

So back to my sickness, I am still couching, don't know how those smokers can put up with constantly coughing all the time. I've had it for 2 weeks and am about to climb the walls. Work has been OK, I've been thinking again that I really don't want to work in a call centre but then one day on the phones and all of my thoughts and fears of 'I can't do this' went out the window. its so hard, I am 38 years old and don't know what I want to do with my life. I guess a large part that has been holding me back from exploring what I would want to do is the 'child' thing. As all I have ever wanted to do/be is a stay at home mum and since I have never been able to realise this, its the only thing I want. Oh that and more money of course!

Oh well I think I have done enough of making myself sick of my own thoughts, I'll sign off for now and you just never know, I could be back................

Friday, September 14, 2007


Enter at your own peril.

I thought I was sick earlier, God today feels so much worse. On Wednesday I as willing myself to be well, thought on Thursday after waking at 1am that I think I am sick, won't go to work today, felt a bit better that day. Around comes 5pm and it all turned to complete SHIT! My nose mysteriously turned into a running tap and my eyes are broken, I have put in eye drops but it doesn't seem to help for long. Today is just one long blur of wet tissues and feeling sorry for me. No one can make it go away. I'm gunna try and go back to bed, hope that when I wake it is magically gone away................................ a girl can hope can't she?

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Just can't take a trick

So since my last post, there have been some changes to the group, the weird guy never came back on Monday. They told everyone that he decided to go another way, but we all believe he was pushed. Either way the team has really come together.

I started to get sick on Monday night and by yesterday I thought I was going to die through the night. My chest was so heavy and I felt like I had indigestion. I even got up to have Milanta. I actually think it is something like the flu, I was going to go to the doctors last night but couldn't get in till 8.30pm, well I was in bed by 6.45pm. So I have decided to stay home today and go to the doctors this morning. The only problem being is that I either have to walk to the clinic or catch a bus as Dazza has the car for work! Not really in the mood for walking the distance or catching public transport but I do need to get to the doctors today. I woke at 1am this morning with a temp of 38.4, wasn't sure if it was a high temp or not and I am really crap at searching on the internet but all I knew was that I felt like I was being cooked from the inside out. Its gone down now to about 37.9 so hopefully its on the down side. The couching though, boy, lucky I'm not a smoker, I don't know how they can have a hacking couch for most of their life, and I only have it when I'm sick and even then its to much to handle.

So thats it for me, not much other than that going on. Hope everyone is having a great week and I'll try and read everyones blogs.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

What a week!

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't been a good blog participant in the past week or so, I will try really hard this week to read whats been going on because I really feel like I have missed lots of whats been going on in your lives. Yeah Kek for the big move into the rental!

So my week thus far in the new job. Well as we are still in training it hasn't been to bad however there has been some hiccups. As you all know with the change of jobs I have stayed in the same industry but allot of the new staff are completely new to the industry. I sometimes feel like I shouldn't speak in the class as I don't want others to think that I am trying to take over or answer for the trainer, I had even mentioned this to a couple of the others in the class just in case they were feeling this way. But low and behold, it happened yesterday and I felt like the tiniest person on earth. One of the guys in the class, strange man at best, mentioned in front of everyone that when he asks a question that he wants only the trainer to answer even though he appreciates that we all bring our 'own' experiences to the job! Well I could feel myself go red and eyes on me. I really wanted to get up and walk out and never go back but I stayed. I then mentioned to the trainer after lunch that I hoped that she didn't think I was taking over but I too had to clarify in my mind the job as it is different from my old company. I also advised that I DO want to be there at this company and not the old one. She assured me that she ran that room, not him, and that she appreciated my input.

Once we started again, the whole group listening and participating, he asked a question again and someone from behind him went to answer and he stopped her in her tracks with 'I'm asking our trainer'. Well, I think he just ended every friendship he may have had in the room. How he is to work as a team in the future I have no idea as no one wants to help him or talk to him.

Anyway, for our next interesting installment in the strange man, during the week he was late back to class with another team member who is a visitor to this country. They came back half an hour late telling us that they lost track of time as they found they had a lot in common about a Bangladesh poet and he could tell us all about it to if we wanted! Hello, you are interrupting the class as we are learning a new computer system. Man what an idiot. They were told to stay behind after class and he couldn't understand what he had done wrong. The next day our visitor from another country was asked to stay behind again and then the following day I didn't expect to see him again because of his tardiness but low and behold, there he was on Friday. However by morning tea he was gone. Apparently lead away by a very 'official' looking person. Its seems we have a problem with our visa, or lack there of it! Think we may need to visit him in a detention centre somewhere.

So here I am at home, still obsorbing all that happened and my new found friends, from many walks of life which I will have to tell you about later. I have a really sore mouth that I think is from eating a pie LAST Sunday which was too hot, it seems to have blistered and ulserated and is hurting like hell.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

New Job

So you have probably wondering if I fell off the earth as I have been gone for a while. Well here I am. I left my old job on Friday, it was sad to see the end of that place but exciting that I can make a fresh start with better hours :-)

New job commenced on Monday, lots of new people from diverse back grounds. Not sure yet whether my experience in the energy industry will be a help or a hindrance as they do definitely have a different way of doing things. I am still in the mind space of us and them and unfortunately I am finding it hard to include myself in the them. But we will see how that goes, can't see why I wouldn't be happy.

On the weekend I was asked to groom 3 dogs for a work, ex work colleague, I was scared as this was my first paying customer! I only charged $50 for the 3 but nicked one of the dogs and because I panic, I got Dazza to take the dog to the vet, I don't know if they stitched just to satisfy the crazy lady on the phone, (that would be me!) but the puppy cot 2 stitches on the belly. $153.65 later and I was down $103.65 for the experience. But as Dazza says 'its all experience'. They weren't the easiest dogs to do, they were mattered and I don't know how often they are clipped but boy, fully hands on.

I haven't done much in the way of diet or exercise, especially after being ill the other week. I have mainly been having soups and finding that I am satisfied with just that, I know it's not the best diet but its all the head stress I feel I can cope with at the moment. Exercise consists of walking to the train station or bus stop and walking around the city daily so my incidental exercise has increased which is lucky because that's all my exercise at the moment. I've been quite tired but I am getting up much earlier and getting home later but it's good that Dazza picks me up on our way home.

Well that's it for me today, I have got to get ready for bed, 5.30am tomorrow, and everyday of the week....................