Thursday, September 30, 2010
It all fell into a great heap today with dad now collapsing and being taken to hospital in an ambulance. So had mum in ward A and dad in emergency. They are keeping him at least overnight and running some test. So now have to run back to mum and dad's measure up the bathroom and toilet for aids, for when they come home. They aren't young but they definitely not old either. Mum's 69 and dad's 75, they both still look after grand children and would also take on their great grand children if they had their way.
Anywho, I'm home now for a rest and then back in tomorrow, now where's that KFC
I had blogged earlier how I wanted my life back, to make it more simpler than what it has been in the last week. Well along with that also comes the food issue. I haven't given myself the time to think about food they way I should have. Its been 2 fried dim sims here and there, then yesterday was the kicker. 'The husband' asked for KFC, of course I gave him KFC. Then after my own doctors appointment for DNA cultures I called him to check if he wanted anything, he asked for KFC again. Again I fell for it and got KFC. Do you know how much I love their potato and gravy? Well I do. Too much.
So I have a hen's night on Saturday night and of course I want to look my best so may have to protein down and only eat protein for the next few days to lose those pesky pounds I just put back on. Although my dress is roomy I could just get away with it and do this the right way.
So this morning I have eaten 2 boiled eggs and 2 coffee's so far. I will not be eating the left over KFC or mashed potato and gravy.
I'm sitting her deciding what to blog about and I have this darn blow fly buzzing around. You know that summer is coming to town when the flies start back up again. I love summer but the flies do my head in. Gotta go and do some house work before going in to see the mother.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
'The husband' came home yesterday from the hospital. He said he could feel instantly the change to his heart rhythm which is great news.
Mum was moved to a ward yesterday afternoon. Actually the same ward as she was in back in December 2009 for a few weeks.
Which means I will soon have no excuse not to be back to normal with food/exercise.
On another good note, my niece works at a bank and had some nice new American currency come through and since our exchange rate was good, we brought our first $100 USD, its on the fridge at the moment, reminding us of what we are doing/planning/achieving.
Now it feels real to be actually going to the States to start our family.
Funny though, when I was at the hospital the other day, my sister in-law wanted to know what was happening with Facebook as she doesn't use it and doesn't know about it. She was upset that I was putting updates about mum on there 'for all the world to see', I had to school her on the use of Facebook as a means for me to update MY family and friends in mum's fight for life without having to receive 50 (slight exaggeration) per night to tell the same story, especially after being at the hospital all day and night. I couldn't believe that she could give me a hard time, in front of my mother, and she doesn't even know about Facebook and privacy settings. Not everyone in the world could see it, and even if they could, would they even care?? I say not.
Had it not been for everyone in the world seeing my blog, I would not have the opportunity to start a family with the embryo adoption from a family who did not know me, except from my blog. So as far as I am concerned, the internet and what it holds for me is priceless.
So back to me anyway, I need another coffee, oops I mean water .......
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
'The husband' should be back home today, or I hope so anyway. That bloody hospital he is in is like a rabbit warren, all these bloody corridors going every bloody where, not a direct route to get there. Geez
He was in the hospital by 10am, fasted from about midnight, he could have fasted from 6.30am but he wasn't getting his butt out of bed before 6am just to have a coffee and wait around to 9am to go to the hospital. They took him from me at 12pm and should have been starting the surgery at 1pm, up and down I went for hours along with his mum and sister, that was painful, they wanted to save money on parking so parked on the street with 1 hours parking where they had to return every hour to put more money in the meter! Me, I just parked under the hospital, fully prepared to pay the $30 since I was going to be there for 8 hours anyway.
I missed the doctor come in to give him feedback because he had sent me on a mission to get him coffee and food. It seems I will be able to give him injections to stop any blood clotting in his legs. Joy for me really, how many times has he been able to give me injections for IVF *insert evil snicker here*
I want to be able to get over to see mum today as well, missed not seeing her yesterday. Its funny because I don't see her everyday when she is at home, I just hate to think of her stick in a hospital bed looking at blank walls. She doesn't want the TV on, I brought her a book but she doesn't have the energy to read it at the moment.
Is it selfish to want your life back? I'm running to a hospital all day long, sometimes twice in one day to the same hospital. Just some normalcy I would like I think.
The diet for me has been a work in progress, haven't weighed myself, some days I eat well some days I don't, I think it will work its self out soon, or at least I hope it will.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Anyway, news today from the hospital phone call is that they have moved mum into coronary care as her heart rate has been rapid for no apparent reason. The ICU ward was short staffed so she was moved. Apparently now she has her own room which could be good I guess. I will go in and see her soon, after I get some stuff done here.
I also have to get a bag ready for 'the husbands' trip into the hospital. Brought a bucket load of music mags for him. He is so anxious about his operation, he knew there would be a tube going through this groin but when told there would be 3 and 1 to the neck, his anxiety went through the roof. He can't stand to be in the same room as its being discussed which of course it was last night between his mother, sister and myself. Probably didn't help that we were talking about funeral funds and what each of us wanted for our service. Come on, we are all aging, some more gracefully as other but all the same the numbers are going up.
Food wise, well that's on hold for the moment, not that it means I will be eating shit, it just means that I am finally off the scales for the week until life gets back to normal which should be in about a month maybe, by the time mum's released from hospital.
That's it from me, off to wash some dishes, do some ironing and general tidy before doing soem shopping and visiting mum for the rest of the day.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
They turned off the sedation this morning and as she tolerated the tube they left her awake. By the time I got there, they had taken out the tube and the first things she said - "its the boring in here" I couldn't believe it but it was closely followed by "I want a drink but they won't let me, do you have something in your bag?" Like I want to be kicked out for not following the rules.
It was great to see her back in the world of the living.
It's 'the husbands' birthday today, so had his mum, sister, our niece and her family over. Indian food was requested by 'the husband' and Indian he got. It was beautiful as usual.
Went back the hospital, was a little worried as mum seemed confused which she wasn't in the morning when I was there. Also her heart rate has been funny since waking up, so they are now watching that closely.
Can only hope that she will be much better tomorrow when I get there. Thinking that there will be a few visitors now that they all know that she's awake. Might be standing room only, but of course being the baby of the family, I am the one there first and always the last to say good night so my place will always be there.
Now, you could imagine since I have been all over the shop the last few days, my food intake is a bit all over the place as well however I am still trying to make good decisions on what I eat. I think I may have retained so water from eating carbs a bit, but once back at home for longer periods, hopefully that will look after its self.
Not much else to tell at this point, just very happy to have my mum back. Off to sleep now so that I can be up to go through it all again tomorrow.
Friday, September 24, 2010
So I called the hospital in the morning as I have probably told you. She had a hard night with the breathing and they were growing little gremlins in her urine and blood. This is what I txt to everyone who needed to know. I went into work and was quickly ushered out and sent on my way to the hospital. When I arrived my brother was there, he looked stressed. When I looked at mum I could see why. They had put in a breathing tube and placed her into a induced coma. I hadn't told him, I didn't know. The plan is to keep her in the coma for a few days.
She has a really bad pneumonia, her left lung is almost full. Funny this because the doctor the day before hadn't heard anything in her breathing, neither had the nurse at the hospital! Either way she is now getting the best care and under constant supervision in ICU.
I had to sign a consent last night for a central line last night, she had one of these last time but it took 2 tries, she has really bad veins so they had to keep changing her lines every couple of hours so this is the best for her, so there is no news as such from the hospital this morning. Just waiting for the doctors to do their rounds and make a plan for today
I'm thinking I might merge my 2 blogs, this one and this one. It just will make it easier to blog once instead of finding something to say in 2. So you may find that not only do I talk about my weight loss journey I will talk about the progress of our embryo adoption and our upcoming trip to America to see that dream through, hence the change in name from Walking (exercise ref) to Dreaming of where I want to be.....
Thursday, September 23, 2010
I received a strange message on Facebook from my nephews ex
spoke to pop tonight heard what happened, so VERY worried........... are YOU ok? I wish nan would do as she was told! grr love you all and miss ya's HEAPS xxoo
Didn't know what she was talking about so called mum and dad.
Dad- Oh she really sick, she fell last night and couldn't get back up so I have to try and pick her up and put her back in bed. She hasn't been up all day and hasn't eaten.
Me- Is she awake?
Dad- Don't think so, I'll check..... God her breathing is really strange, shallow ..........
Me- I'm on my way
I get there, mum is in bed, where she has been all day, still sleeping, doesn't hear me come in. Strange, if she has been sleeping all day, why is she not wanting to wake up? I finally get her to wake up for a minute. In that moment I know she is going to the hospital, with me, right now.
I get her to the hospital about 9.30pm, lucky because she looks so ill, they take her in before all the sick people in the waiting room. Within 30 minutes they have an IV in for blood work. They say her lungs sound clear. Her heart is irregular. They catheterize her, the specimen they took looks to be clear. They start fluids, antibiotics via IV, chest x-ray on the way. I leave the hospital at 12.30am, she is staying. I call in the morning 7am, she has a nasty case of pneumonia, something growing in her urine sample and something growing in her blood cultures.
HELLO! I told you this, the blood test said increase in white blood cells, this is infection talking.
They are moving her to intensive care today. She doesn't remember anything about the last bout that she went through, only the bits we tell her. She doesn't remember going to the doctors the day before or the fall. This is starting to sound like a repeat.
What scares me the most is what she told me dad on Saturday night.
I do not think I am long for this world.
My mother does not speak like this. 2 weeks ago she was out weeding the garden, she was laying chip bark in the garden. She was painting walls and doing grocery shopping, cooking for every man and his dog. My mother is a strong independent woman who loves life. She hates illness, but she loves life. This is not the end, I will not allow it to be the end. She is my best friend, the person I turn to when in need, to be loved and love back. This can not be the end.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
I've been thinking about what I can blog about so thought I would blog about a story my mother told me last time and put together some info that will make you understand what's going on and why I would be worried.
So back in December 2009, a day before my birthday my dad called to say, you better go to the hospital, your mothers sick. Off I trot to the hospital not expecting to much cause mum gets sick quiet often but she doesn't let anything hold her down. Currently her illness's are: rheumatism arthritis, she's had this since she was about 13, heart disease, she has had a couple of heart attacks, kidney disease, function has been as low as 13%, a blood disorder I can't remember the name of and scoliosis. Now where was I? OK, so I trot down to the hospital, Mr A is there, now remember I told you already he is a little slow, well, she is talking a bit but a little vague. They are trying to keep her blood pressure up, after 3 bags it continues to drop. I am then told by the doctor "is there any family that live far away?" my response, "what/why?", they tell me, "well we can't keep her blood pressure up, you may want to call in the family". I can't get my head around what she is saying. All I have with me is my nephew who doesn't understand. I pull the doctor away saying "are you saying what I think you are saying but I can't say it?" They advise that is correct. I rush out and call the family and they call converge on the hospital.
Its touch and go for a while, mum was moved to intensive care where she became really old very quickly. I couldn't believe my eyes or ears as to what she was mumbling, still it was touch and go for a while. She was moved after a week to a ward but within 24 hours she was back in intensive care. Another week later, she was moved again, this time around a few different wards. She was able to get a 8 hour pass from the hospital to come to my place for Christmas day but was to be back that the hospital to undergo more intravenous antibiotics. I had to hold her hand while they drained her lung of fluid in her room, I went to see her every day, some times all day.
This independent women was basically chained to a bed for at least 4 weeks. The illness was Bacteraemia also sometimes called septicaemia. She almost died. My best friend. They still don't know how she got ill, they believe it may have been a urine infection that only effected her for a day and then went away, into her bloodstream. They can't kill it and she is still being tested for it, it morphs into another infection and the antibiotics stop working and they need to be changed.
This week she started to get sick again, she went to the doctors, her white blood cells are up, there is an infection again. They don't know what it is again. She has bronchitis, now she is coughing up blood. The doctor put this out there. "it could be that you have broken a blood vessel and that's why its bleeding, if it doesn't stop after a week, come back, you may have lung cancer" That's it. Mum wants to put it out of her mind. I want to kill the doctor. How do you put that out there and not send someone for a test, chest x-ray, something? I think it will be OK because she has had allot of chest x-rays since the illness in December, I would have thought a cancer would have shown up on one of the x-rays. I will be working on her this week end, to try and get her to go to the hospital.
So there, that's my second for the day and I hope you understand why I'm worried about my Mum.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Today was a long day although it was actually shorter than normal as I only worked a normal 8 hours instead of the 11 that I have been doing. Even still I feel really tired. But no rest for the wicked as I will be doing my 11 hour days for tomorrow and the next day.
I haven't a great deal to say tonight, I think I just need a good nights sleep to be really refreshed.
Food today consisted of: 4 coffees = 208 calories, 1 serve of minestrone soup = 162 calories, 1 roasted veggie tart muffin size = 200 calories, watermelon and strawberries = 59 calories, pretend mashed potato, 1/2 cup corn, 100grams breaded chicken = 300 calories
I call him the laughing assassin
The scales aren't moving but staying exactly where they were.
I guess I should be happy they aren't moving up but I'm not.
I have been eating 'healthy' no really hidden snacks like chocolate or chips.
So why are you not moving scales????
Monday, September 20, 2010
I'm still at work so not had dinner as yet, 10.5 hours down and 30 minutes until I can leave the chain, I mean desk behind.......
- 1 Coffee = 54 calories
1 glass of water 250 mls = 0 calories
- 1 granny smith apple = 80 calories
- 1 muffin size roasted vegie tart = 200 calories
- 1 serve of minstrone soup = 162 calories
- 150 grams watermelon = 34 calories
- 4 strawberries = 23 calories
- 3 coffee's = 162 calories
- Total so far = 715 calories
I'm planning on eating something I had made from yesterdays photos, maybe a bit of soup and a smaller piece of the tart. I'll have to check if there is anything else I can throw together when I get home. I'm sure 'the husband' will have cooked his rump steak and chips, then left the mess for me to clean up.
I got a call from the niece last night Ms M, it appears that the surgeon she was referred to for the lap banding doesn't actually do this procedure, so therefore she is back to square one of having to probably pay for it. Apparently with her health insurance she will get away with having to pay only $3500 for the full surgery. Not bad compared to some other countries where the cost is astranomical. I have tried to give her some advise again about going it alone with diet and exercise but I think still she wants the 'easy' way, the 'magic' pill so to speak.
But then that also leave Mr A with the same problem now that we can't get him referred to the same surgeon, he is on a pension for disablity so he really can't afford to pay and he doesn't have private health insurance being on a pension. Although in saying that, the cost to pay out of pocket here is only about $7000, again still smaller than allot of places.
So that's where that story will end off for now.
Well about to sign off for work for tonight, see you tomorrow ;)
I will be working long hours again this week so luckily I have my food prepared, no slips this week.
I thought I would post a picture of a new flower in my garden, it only took about 2 years to flower and of course it only gave me 1 flower, there are a couple more buds on there, they may come out next year, that's how long it took for this bud to open.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Watched a DVD - Letters to Juliette - OK, nothing to write home about
Food shopping done - tick
Cooked up a storm for this weeks lunches and dinners such as .....
= 162 calories per serve
= 258 calories
This morning I had to get up early 6.21am, on a Sunday, the dogs, our fur-babies decided to play stacks on ME. It worked out better for my health to just get up. Did some house work and sat on the computer for a while until I had to get 'the husband' up. Planted some plants in the hanging baskets and just potter around really.
Food today, Day 6 - 19/9/10:
- 2 coffees = 108 calories
- 1/2 Japanese pancake = ? no idea on the calories
- 2 Pepsi Max's = 0 calories
- I serve of the Tomato Pilaf = 258 calories
- 750 ml water
Doing all that standing around and cooking has left me tired though, so I bid you farewell for another day.
He obviously thinks that there is more to me than he is already getting from my blog, don't know if this is right but we will give it a go like allot of his blog followers. I;m not one to back away from a challenge .......... or actually I am but I'm going to give this a chance.
I guess it gives us a chance to make a commitment to something other than thinking about food all the time. I just can't imagine that I could have anything to say that someone else might want to read about.
I guess I could start to tell you about the process my niece is about to undertake and my nephew would like to undertake with her.
My niece, we'll call her Ms M, she's going to get married in April next year. That's not the thing that I'm talking about though. Ms M is about to look into having either banding or gastic bypass done. I don't know which her specialist will recommend, I think she see's him very soon for the first consult. Her GP has advised her depending on what the specialist classes her as category 1 or 2 she could have the surgery done within 3 months or 12 months respectively. Both options will be for free as it is for medical reasons.
This is where I wonder what they class as medical.
Ms M has been overweight since forever. She is now 27 and since the age of say 13 she has been over 100 kilos (220 lbs) she is now approx 140 kilos (308 lbs) but medically I can't see the problem, health wise she is fine, no real complaints. Dare I say it, laziness is not a medical issue.
Whereas my nephew, we will call him Mr A, is probably the same weight as Ms M but has mild cerebral palsy, is a little mentally slower than the average and has aches and pains all over, not to mention his legs and he isn't referred through to the same. I would class him as requiring surgery. He doesn't quite get the dieting thing, mentally he just can't understand. He doesn't get it.
For example, I told him about his cousin being referred through his GP, I told him, you should talk to Ms M and find out who/where he can also go to be referred. He spoke to his GP (different from Ms M's) and he said, get the specialist name and I'll refer you.
A couple of days later his grandmother asks him, "Have you spoken to Ms M about the specialist?" His reply, "No I have to see her". What?
This is his mentality, he can't think to call her and ask, he has to catch public transport, probably the longest route to see her because he like public transport, so that he can ask who the specialist is that she is going to see.
He just doesn't get it.
You would be amazed at the crazy stuff that comes out of my family, maybe that can be part of my challenge to post twice a day, like a cleansing or a believe it or not I guess you will just have to wait and see.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
I had planned to go to our first ever farmers market near home.
I thought it could go 2 ways.
One be the best ever as its the first or second really crap.
Which do you think it was? OK so the first sentence probably gave it away.......
There was allot of cars there, parking was crazy. I parked in a side street and as I started to walk there it was beginning to rain, just light but there was wet stuff coming from the sky.
You would have thought the people leaving empty handed would have given me a clue. NOPE
Free camel rides
Then I took a picture of the picturesque lake
That's where the good ended.
The 'farmers market' consisted of about 7 tents, all selling something not really resembling anything like a farmers market. OK maybe there were 2 out of the 7 that had something I wanted. I did buy some un-homogenized milk for 'the husband' and there was a vegetable stall however I didn't buy anything from them. I think I have turned into a 'farmers market' snob. Their vegetables didn't look anything like the vegetables I saw at my first farmers market. They also looked very clean?? Now this may seem odd but they aren't meant to be going through commercial cleaning process before being sold but the Pontiac potatoes looked like they had come straight out of a Woolworths shopping bag. The vegies looked like the vegies at the supermarket, small.
I left with my milk and that's about it. Very disappointed to say the least.
Now onto food, again disappointed.
However who can I blame?
Of course not me.
I went to pick up mum today for our normal shopping trip where we do some shopping, have some lunch at Subway, but not today, she hasn't been feeling well, a little like Christmas where she almost died from the infection (still a little worried tonight that I might need to take her to the hospital). But on the way back to my place to watch some DVD's she mentioned that she wanted to stop at the pie shop. Not just any pie shop but the bakery who sells their seconds discounted. Well I got 'the husband' some gourmet meat pies and ended up buying some spinach and ricotta sausage rolls. You know where this is heading don't you??
- 2 coffee's = 108 calories
- spinach and ricotta sausage roll = 380 calories
- 2 cans Pepsi Max = 0 calories
- dinner is going to be oven baked chicken pieces = ? calories
- Microwave sticky date pudding, only small but packed a punch = 311 calories and a little lite icecream
Friday, September 17, 2010
So today started off better, I actually woke a bit earlier than normal, I've been wanting to get up at least half an hour earlier so that I can get on the treadmill but I seemed to be very sluggish of late, but this morning I seemed to wake allot easier, I wonder if its the diet and exercise?
- Coffee = 54 calories
- 2 egg omelette, which I only ate half = 66 calories
- coffee = 54 calories
- wrap = 122 calories
- 2 spoonfuls of chili con carne = 76 calories
- lettuce = 5 calories
- tomato = 3 calories
- black tea = 0 calories
- herbal tea = 0 calories
- 200 grams watermelon = 52 calories
- coffee = 54 calories
- 1/2 a large banana = 60 calories
- 6" turkey subway = 380 calories (may be over estimating here)
- 1 can Pepsi Max = 0 calories
- Total = 926 calories
Thursday, September 16, 2010
- Coffee = 54 calories
- 1 hard boiled egg = 66 calories (don't normally eat breakfast so this is it)
- 1 herbal tea
- 2 boiled eggs = 132 calories
- Salad = 82 calories
- 200 grams watermelon = 52
- 1 coffee = 54 calories
- 1 Pepsi max = 0 calories
- 1 750 ml water - I know this isn't enough :(
- Total thus far = 440 calories - dinner yet to be eaten - give me a break its 8.30pm and I've been at work 12 hours...........
- 2 Herb and Garlic beef sausages = 467 calories
- left over mashed potatoes, beans and carrots = 220 calories :(
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
- Coffee = 54 calories x 2 = 108 calories
- 1 Mountain Bread roll up = 74 calories
- 1 microwaved egg = 66 calories
- same lettuce in the roll up = 5 calories
- 2 banana's = 242
- 2 x 750ml water
- 1 cup herbal tea = 2 calories
- Porterhouse steak, mashed potatoes, carrots, beans and gravy = 445 calories?
- Total = 942 calories
- Exercise = 70 calories - 20 minutes on treadmill
- Coffee = 54 calories
- Small banana = 90 calories
- black tea x 3 = 0 calories
- Salad - Lettuce, tomato, cucumber, coriander, avocado = 82 calories
- Small tin of tuna = 122 calories
- Watermelon 100gms = 26 calories
- Gnocchi = 259 calories
- Tomato sauce = 76 calories
- Onion = 6 calories
- Salami 50g = 235 calories (serves me right but it tastes great)
- Garlic Bread 50g = 154 calories
- total 1104 :(
- Exercise = 100 calories - 35 minutes on treadmill at 5.3kms p/h
I told Dazza that there must be something wrong with the treadmill if I only used 100 calories for 35 minutes (@#$%%$#) surely it should have been more.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I have changed the page background, learnt how to make a 'page' and set some goals *gulps*
I am no good at goal setting.
I don't like failure.
I don't like looking at my failure.
Or having others see my failures.
But there is no gain if I don't set them and try my damnest to stick to them.
I have added a box to the side with the amount of weight I would ideally like to lose before heading to the States for our treatment so please if I appear to be slipping, catch me and prop me back up, remind me of what I am trying to achieve.
Today I have a doctors appointment, had put it off for a month, not only financially but I know he is going to ask me how much weight I have lost since I saw him weeks ago. The answer is probably none. He had hoped for just a kilo per month until we leave, not to hard for most people, incredible for me, who doesn't like to give anything up expect my DREAM of a family.
Anyway, a new plan, I am buying what I can as organic, making better selections of the things I can't. Trying to keep away from ingredients that include numbers?? what vegetable does 220 come from anyway??
Taking some information found on my new friend Allan's page telling us all the mathematics behind weight loss, so I might just call it the 'Klein Project' and give it a go for a week to see my results. Must say I hate counting calories but obviously not counting calories hasn't gotten me very far!
So the start weight for this week is in pounds in honor of the American way = 209lbs
Sunday, September 05, 2010
After about an hour I decided that I needed some breakfast and looked into the lounge room. There on the couch was a little teddy bear? Where has this come from I wondered, vaguely recalling seeing this before many years ago? It seemed that Humphrey was playing with it. Then I hear it.......................
Your an asshole
It all came back to me now, I remember buying this bear out of one of those book club boxes that come around to your work. I had never seen one before and thought Daz would get a kick out of it. I don't know where its been and now that Humphrey feels he owns it I don't think I want to know where he has had it.