I'm back

Sorry everyone, I've been MIA, I have just got a new wifi modem so back in the world of blogging and Facebooking, will catch up on everything and everyone soon...........

new beginnings

Today feels like a brand new day, with new beginnings.

'The husband' has a new job and has been going well for the past week. They are long hours and his own business is having to be placed on the back burner. I have been less than happy of the past few weeks/months, due to the stress of family and money. But it all seems to be working its self out for now and my fingers are crossed that they continue to look up.

I've been a bit out of sorts, suffering headaches and the like, so have been to the doctors and had some blood tests done, will have to wait to find out the answers though. However my spirits are definitely lifting and I should be able to get myself back on track.

I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words while I've been down. I really appreciate all your prayers.

I know its been a week since I last posted but my brain is not in the game at the moment.

I am emotionally wreaked!

Not because of what someone has said or done, just me, being mental about allot of stresses going on here, in my house. I can see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel however the little glimmer could easily be snuffed out before it starts to glisten brighter.

I can't concentrate on any one thing at the moment, everything feels BIG!

Things blown out of proportion.

It will get better, I have to believe that.

"Don't judge people from their break down, but judge them from how they come back after a set back" - Shannan Ponton - Biggest Loser Trainer Australia

Now that's a nice way to live I think, its not about the melt down, but how someone comes back into the game after the melt down. Although it could be said that we all tend to judge someone from our first glances, its not fair and this is how many of us have been judged before someone even takes the time to know us.

I have fallen off the wagon and thankfully not too many people have judged me for it. In actual fact I think I may have been the only one to harshly judge myself from it. I think I need to start giving myself the benefit of judging me the way I judge others, and that is not harshly, but to also know when I am bullshitting myself.

Thankfully I have lost the same amount that I put on after my little break down, and I can tell you with my emotions the way they are I may have some more break downs in the near future, but I won't commit myself to the break downs before they happen and pre-empt them.

One day at a time is all I can do and commit to.

I pledge to do my best and this is the best that I can do, be good to myself and treat myself with respect that I so others. Stop all the negative talk and start with the positive talk.

The P!nk Song - Fuckin' Perfect, hits such a strong note in me - Lyrics below:

Made a wrong turn, one or twice

Dug my way our, blood and fire

Bad decisions, that's alright

Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood

Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down

Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated

Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel like

Like your less than fuckin' perfect

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like your nothing

Your fuckin' perfect to me!

Your so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong

Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead

So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!

Filled with such hatred.....such a tired game

It's enough! I've done all I can think of

Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like your less than fuckin' perfect

Pretty pretty please, if you ever feel like your nothing

Your fuckin' perfect to me!

The whole world is scared so shallow the fear

The only thing I should be drinking is ice cold beer

So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and its a waste of my time

Done looking for the critics, cause their everywhere

Don't like my jeans, don't get my hair

Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time

Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby ..!

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like your less than fuckin' perfect

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like your nothing, your fuckin' perfect to me

You're perfect, you're perfect!

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like your nothing

Your fuckin' perfect to me

Something different!

Someone must have done something to piss off the powers that be....

How else can you explain all of these weather changes in such a short time?

Now not only did Brisbane flood, Far North Queensland's cyclone, WA's cyclone, regional Victoria's floods and now metropolitan Melbourne flash flooding! What the hell is going on? Its meant to be SUMMER here people, with white sandy beaches (albeit with smoke butts in the sand) long days sun baking on this sun burnt country, ice creams running down your hands, mozzie bites and BBQ's but instead we have this....

Some poor fellow in Metro Melbourne flooded in his poor kitchen!

The worse part, there is more to come over the next 24 -48 hours!

People have been washed away in their cars, being rescued for running to the shop or collecting their kids. 'The Husband' had gone to band practice last night and the rain started and didn't stop, it was scary waiting for him to get home without having some sort of accident or breaking down due to the water, lucky he made it home and is tucked away in bed right now.

Of course being Saturday, mum and I normally go out, but I think we will wait until we know its going to be OK, weather wise first. We would normally part undercover however with the recent floods, I'm reluctant to park undercover to only have my car float, I can only imagine the damage that could be done. But mum being in a wheelchair, its hard to park out in the open as well, probably better to stay at home.

Today is a new day

Hopefully after seeing the financial counsellor today I will feel allot more freer, is that even a word?

I'm hoping that it will take away some strain, to maybe see it in a different light, maybe its not as bad as I think, or maybe its worse, I will just have to suck it and see. We also have our appointment today with a notary to get our contract with our embryo donor done, then will have to send off overseas to have the donor also have signed off by a notary and then it will whisk its way to the clinic and hopefully they will finally be satisfied.

Its that TOTM for me, started nearly a week early! Darn it, in all this hot weather as well, just when you want to be care free and live it up, your stuck with the tummy ache which is never care free. Lucky I got my sexy back last week otherwise there would be no sexy for another week :O

It appears that Big Al is about to stuck chucking challengers out of the challenge, what can I say, I'm amazed I haven't been chucked before now, but I guess I will make it official and just leave. I'm really not in the mood to be chucked anywhere at the moment. So officially I'm out. Thanks for all the help Allan, it really did help for the short period I was on it but again, not everything is for everyone, no point being nasty about it or getting angry because someone didn't/couldn't/wouldn't follow the plan exactly, but be happy to have made some new connections, I know you have plenty of friends so probably don't need more, but I hope that this doesn't mean the end to our cyber relationship..........

In saying that, I have lost a little more today, 197.3 which brought me back down again, no doubt being that TOTM it will show up again on the scales anyday now.

Edit note - Just received a reply from me mate Allan, so I'm still IN officially