Monday, March 23, 2009


I'm wondering if my imagination is getting away from me?

I've been imagining that we will not be approved to adopt and that we will go back to IVF. I know this must be part of my imagination because if we couldn't afford it before the adoption process, what makes me think we can after?

Some times I think that I can cope to be childless but others I can't think of anything worse in the world to have to live my whole life without that love of a child that is yours.

I think I am just hormonally emotional as today is day 30 of my cycle and although I feel like she's coming there is no sign of her showing up. Although it would just be the best to find out we were pregnant, I just can't see that ever happening.

I wish with all my heart and soul that we could be like other couples that fall pregnant out of the blue, where family and friends say, 'see we told you if you just relax it will happen', I just wish that would happen but that part of my brain is over ruled my the sensible part that knows best.

To just keep me feeling low, my nephew's girlfriend, remember the one that has 2 kids already before he was 18, yep, their pregnant again! What the hell is that about?

The only think that keeps me sane is that I think in the next life I must have learnt my lesson in this one and will be able to have a million kids. Oh and I also blame it on the Duggers, they have what 18 kids now? Its because they have an 'in' with God and they have taken all of the baby quota for them selves!

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