Don't Judge Me BUT

Ok, I am the first to admit that I can find an excuse to NOT do something. That something has been dieting (healthy eating) but again I have failed myself. The next has been exercise (in any form). I wanted to start running but never got off my arse to do it. It sounded great in theory but practically not going to happen. What happened to that spark I had 12 months ago? I WANT to lose weight but my WANT has turned into a NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. I am struggling to keep my head above water now. Between the need to have a child, stress over money, need to lose weight, I'm drowning. It's funny but I think it all stems from the childless thing. How will I come to grips with it? I don't know but I do know that if I do not lose some or all of this weight I am probably pushing shit up hill. Even with adoption you have to be in the healthy weight range and I am nothing like it. I can't weigh myself as the scales have decided to give up the ghost which isn't a bad thing altogether I guess. I have a confession to make as well. Kerryn are you sitting down? I went and brought Medislim. I haven't been able to stick to it but I blame you for that, you taught me how to eat healthy and now my brain is stopping me from doing it. I had one drink on Thursday morning, had half a protein bar for morning tea but the thought of having another shake at lunch just wouldn't cut it. I need FOOD. I have a weeks worth of product so will use it for a week, (I'll try anyway) and then that's it.

I also didn't do the C25K either but did try it this morning. I was going ok but couldn't run the last 2 intervals and I think about 3 of the others I couldn't run the whole 60 seconds but possibly did at least 45 seconds of those ones. On the up side I did run, I think 3 whole intervals or maybe it was 4 but that's an improvement on NONE. I not only could not breath, which I find essential, but i had like a stress headache at the back of my head, like too much blood was running and I thought I could have had a stroke. Well I could have! So I felt unsure of running when it felt like my head was going to explode. My heart rate monitor got to 94% so think that even though I didn't do it all by the book I must have worked.

So that's one day down, the podcast advises 3 times a week with a day break in between. So will try just to get out and walk at least on the other days.