I've been day dreaming, sort of. I would really like to learn to jog/run but really do have trouble with the breathing/heaving thing, but even today when walking to the train station I could have just about broken out into a run. Sounds silly doesn't it? I think allot of my resistance to jogging/running is how silly I actually look. I sometimes think when I do give it a go that I'm just stupid as I just can't do it!
But watching the Biggest Loser tonight and hearing Alison say that once she had the weight back on (in sand bags in her backpack) that she felt all of her original emotions coming back. IE I can't do this, this is too hard, I'm just stupid, just give it up, you can't do it. I realised that these are things that I say to myself. But lately my mind has been playing tricks on me, making me think that I can do it and feeling like breaking into the run. I start to do it and then realise that 'what am I doing? you can't do this' and then I'm back to walking and eating chips.
I am my own worst enemy, I don't need others to make me feel bad, I do a great job of my own. I really don't have a great deal of friends and the one that I did have, have now slowly had kids and due to my lack of being able to have them, I have slowly drifted away from them without them noticing, therefore have a lack of friends or people to have like a running buddy to keep me on track. I am not one to be motivated by chats on the email to keep me in check as I can lie like the best of them, but don't know what else I can do. I will have to try and make a commitment to myself to try and run each night. I know all about the walk/run thing, try up to the light pole and walk a light pole but, after one night it's all out the window. God I wish I could do this!