Oh My God!

I just don't know what's going on. I am so hungry of late. I can't get enough food. I am bringing my lurch to work everyday but by morning tea, boy, I could eat the leg off a table. This is what I ate yesterday.

Breakfast - 2 crumpets with butter, 2 coffees, Up & Go (on the train)

Morning tea - Snickers and halve a pack of Cheese Balls ( of which I had to force myself to be sick because it was too much for my system to take and I felt really ill)

Lunch - 2 ham and pickle sandwiches, fruit box drink

Dinner - Home made spaghetti with meat sauce



Popcorn made with butter and oil and salt with coke and started on the bag of chicken chips in the cupboard brought for Darren!

So today's has continued in the same direction, although I must admit that my size 14 pants still fit and probably fit me better than when I actually brought them about 2 months ago.

These are the stairs at Flagstaff Station in Melbourne

Thought I would add a picture, its been a while since I've added one. These are the stairs I have the option of of using in the morning which will also help with my exercise. now keep in mind that there are 2 sets of these stairs and this morning I could only cope with climbing one set.

What to do, what to do???

So I missed the bus yesterday which luckily didn't make me late as our new electric train line is running, so had to hoof it down to the train station on foot, still managed to catch the train I wanted anyways :-) So, now I'm thinking that that instead of catching the bus to the station, I might just walk to the train station from now on, it will give me a 30 minute walk in the morning and then a 10 minute walk once in the city and then another 15 minute walk to get to Dazza to come home at night. There I have now increased my incidental exercise. Thanks so much for your comment yesterday Kerryn about using some stairs at work, but the problem is that at my new work they are really big on OH&S, you may say, most places are, but have you ever heard of not being 'allowed' to put your coat/jacket on the back of your chair? This is too much for the new work to tolerate, they have jacket cupboards everywhere as they do not want you to roll on your jacket causing you injury!!! They have even divided the cupboards into smokers and non-smokers, which I am a non-smoker thankfully. So my point is, I do work on the 6th floor and have lunch on the 7th floor, however we are not 'allowed' to use the stairs unless it is an emergency like fire! Not to come to work, leave work or even to go between floors! Well end this post as I have to leave to go to the train station in a minute and I have to finish my crumpets with butter :P

Just checking in

Hi all,

Its almost been a week since I was last here, I don't know where the time flies to?? I really haven't done much this week besides going to work, coming home, cooking dinner, eating dinner, doing dishes, feeding animals and then going to bed, all still by about 7.30pm. My days seem to be a whirlwind, up at 6am, feed animals, shower and get ready for work, leave by 7.35am and off it all goes again. I really must start to take some sort of vitamin as I am always tired. The sex life has gone out the window, much to Dazza's disgust, but I just don't seem to have the energy.

We haven't been taking the dogs for walks, and I definitely haven't taken myself for a walk in a while, except of course to the bus stop and up Bourke Street 2 blocks to my building and back. I'm thinking if I can just get some more exercise, my energy level will kick back up. I have cancelled my membership at Beach house, well I gave my 30 days notice again, s I really am not getting there and as we are down to 1 car because Dazza is doing some stuff to his motor, I can't really get there anyway. I think I would be better off with a 10 trip pass at the local gym anyway to do gym classes which I enjoy more anyway, I can walk there once daylight savings start again. Think I might start taking that horny goats weed thing, you know the stuff I mean from the supermarket, at least that is meant to boost your energy and might keep Dazza happ for a while. I guess it doesn't help that I told him during the week that I dreamt I had an affair with a big Mouri guy? Its been an on going joke all week but maybe its running thin since we haven't made it to the bedroom. Sorry for TMI for those of you that don't care.

On a better note, Kek sent me an email for the Melbourne Fitness Expo coming up in November I think. I can't wait to see what they have there. You know its been a month since I have been working in the city and I still haven't managed to get to DFO, thats good going I think. Although I must admit taking this job on less pay is killing me, but I am much happier. Even the callers seem happier. Anyway, must run, still have all these blogs to catch up on. Check ya

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Thought I would answer some of the comments on this page because I still haven't worked out a good way to answer them.

I can't go to the gym at lunch as we only get 30 mintes, thats log off your phone and the 30 mintues begin ................. NOW

I didn't buy the Horny Goats Weed or Wyld for Women yet, I did however by the Vitamin B so will see how the energy level improves after a month of taking that one.

Here I am

Thought I had better sign in and blog before the world of bloggers forgets about me!

Not that much has been happening in my life of late. I have successfully stopped dieting, a good thing in a way but also bad. Luckily for me as I have been sick, I haven't really put on any weight since giving up dieting. I have consistently stayed just under 82kgs so I am at least happy with that. unfortunately for me its TTOM so am again feeling sorry for myself and they medication for my tum hasn't kicked in yet darn it. I am feeling a flurry of emotions of late. My dear friend who has been doing IVF along with me has finally fallen pregnant again and fingers crossed that its a keeper, but along with this has brought back to my mind to try IVF again. But in doing this, it prolongs the adoption route as you have to have given up IVF for at least 6 months. That takes me to nearly 40 and Dazza 44. Adoption is a long road as it is, do I want to prolong it any further? But the thought of having our own........................ its just so hard. I sometimes think that even though we have done a lot of treatments over our 14 years, we really haven't done allot of IVF, 4-5 treatments I think in total. That's not a lot when you think about it.

I've started to dream again about kids, started to think about permanent care which isn't somewhere I wanted to go. Permanent care is were a child/children have been removed via a court and the parents can not 'ever' have the kids back but you can not adopt them/change their names. These kids can range from birth to 12 years of age. It may sound horrible but I don't want a child that I need to battle with over their past bad experiences. I know that its not their doing but the actions of their parents that have gotten them there, but in the end you can't expect that the kids won't have these bad experiences rubbing off onto them. I guess that my nephews are what brings be to these mixed feelings, even though they are the ones that helped me get to the adoption thought, but the thought that you can raise a kid from a young age, and it doesn't matter what you do for them throughout their lives, they can still not turn back the hands of time. What they have learnt through bad experiences in their past can not be erased. I do believe it is Nature not Nurture that makes people who they are.

So back to my sickness, I am still couching, don't know how those smokers can put up with constantly coughing all the time. I've had it for 2 weeks and am about to climb the walls. Work has been OK, I've been thinking again that I really don't want to work in a call centre but then one day on the phones and all of my thoughts and fears of 'I can't do this' went out the window. its so hard, I am 38 years old and don't know what I want to do with my life. I guess a large part that has been holding me back from exploring what I would want to do is the 'child' thing. As all I have ever wanted to do/be is a stay at home mum and since I have never been able to realise this, its the only thing I want. Oh that and more money of course!

Oh well I think I have done enough of making myself sick of my own thoughts, I'll sign off for now and you just never know, I could be back................

WARNING! SELF PITY REPORT

Enter at your own peril.

I thought I was sick earlier, God today feels so much worse. On Wednesday I as willing myself to be well, thought on Thursday after waking at 1am that I think I am sick, won't go to work today, felt a bit better that day. Around comes 5pm and it all turned to complete SHIT! My nose mysteriously turned into a running tap and my eyes are broken, I have put in eye drops but it doesn't seem to help for long. Today is just one long blur of wet tissues and feeling sorry for me. No one can make it go away. I'm gunna try and go back to bed, hope that when I wake it is magically gone away................................ a girl can hope can't she?

Just can't take a trick

So since my last post, there have been some changes to the group, the weird guy never came back on Monday. They told everyone that he decided to go another way, but we all believe he was pushed. Either way the team has really come together.

I started to get sick on Monday night and by yesterday I thought I was going to die through the night. My chest was so heavy and I felt like I had indigestion. I even got up to have Milanta. I actually think it is something like the flu, I was going to go to the doctors last night but couldn't get in till 8.30pm, well I was in bed by 6.45pm. So I have decided to stay home today and go to the doctors this morning. The only problem being is that I either have to walk to the clinic or catch a bus as Dazza has the car for work! Not really in the mood for walking the distance or catching public transport but I do need to get to the doctors today. I woke at 1am this morning with a temp of 38.4, wasn't sure if it was a high temp or not and I am really crap at searching on the internet but all I knew was that I felt like I was being cooked from the inside out. Its gone down now to about 37.9 so hopefully its on the down side. The couching though, boy, lucky I'm not a smoker, I don't know how they can have a hacking couch for most of their life, and I only have it when I'm sick and even then its to much to handle.

So thats it for me, not much other than that going on. Hope everyone is having a great week and I'll try and read everyones blogs.