Interesting comment

So yesterday my mother in-law, sister in-law and niece came for a visit. They appear to love my Chinese take out place.

So that interesting comment comes from my sister in-law who says:

Sis in-law: So Dazza tells me that your 3rd in line for the adoption thing

Me: yeah, that's 3rd until we get a social worker assigned to do the home assessment

Sis in-law: OK, so when you know that they are coming, let me know so that I can come and help clean things up

Me: yeah, we have to finish the painting in the back room, hopefully have the carpet down, if not we have to clean up between the tiles and the floor boards ..........

Sis In-law (with mother in-law nodding along): well that's easy stuff I mean clean the house

Me: blank look

Is it just me or does that sound like she thinks my house is dirty? Does she think we live in filth or something? We do have 3 dogs for good sake, there will be dirt in some places. My dogs live inside, I know not everyone likes that but comeone, we have no babies to have to worry about.

By the way, we are still 3rd in line.........

is it just me

Or do others get depressed reading adoption stories?

I have borrowed some books from the library in the past, the one I have at the moment is The Lucky Ones which is about people telling their stories about adopting from China, but after reading the first one or two, I have to put the book down because I find myself getting depressed. I guess its just that it seems so far away for us that I feel its never going to happen.

The same thing happened when I read books on IVF, I know that it doesn't happen for everyone, we are living proof of that, but reading others stories whether successful or not, just depresses me.

Just thought I would throw that out there and let it just be......................

Times getting away

I can't believe the last time I blogged was in January!

I guess the only reason I'm blogging today is because I am off work and going to take Dazza to the doctor's. Poor Dazza fell over on Friday and as the stoic male, didn't want to go to the doctor's but with the constant complaining and carry on I'm making him go today. It's swollen like a football and must be painful, especially when the drugs wear off. He stated that he heard it 'pop' on the day and can feel crunching as he tries to walk on it. Me thinks this is not quite right. I'm thinks x-ray or ultrasound is going to be needed.

Its funny but Dazza gave me a back handed compliment last night. His sister was over and was talking about getting a treadmill or one of those vibrating things. One of her friends has one and told her how she had lost like 3 kilos in a matter of days. I find this hard to believe but we are talking about someone who is well and truly about 130 kilos.

To the backhanded compliment, Dazza says 'you should ask Sue cause she knows lots about exercise, it just hasn't reached her butt!', hmm hello, Sue in the room (or is that an elephant in the room?)

So I guess that answers your questions, no I haven't been doing much. We have however pulled up the floor boards in the entry, dining room, kitchen and removed the old tiles from laundry, toilet, bathroom and en suite and started laying the new tiles. Now that's a bit of work that's for sure.

Well best be on the run, have to call the doctors and Dazza on the road to recovery.

Imagination

I'm wondering if my imagination is getting away from me?

I've been imagining that we will not be approved to adopt and that we will go back to IVF. I know this must be part of my imagination because if we couldn't afford it before the adoption process, what makes me think we can after?

Some times I think that I can cope to be childless but others I can't think of anything worse in the world to have to live my whole life without that love of a child that is yours.

I think I am just hormonally emotional as today is day 30 of my cycle and although I feel like she's coming there is no sign of her showing up. Although it would just be the best to find out we were pregnant, I just can't see that ever happening.

I wish with all my heart and soul that we could be like other couples that fall pregnant out of the blue, where family and friends say, 'see we told you if you just relax it will happen', I just wish that would happen but that part of my brain is over ruled my the sensible part that knows best.

To just keep me feeling low, my nephew's girlfriend, remember the one that has 2 kids already before he was 18, yep, their pregnant again! What the hell is that about?

The only think that keeps me sane is that I think in the next life I must have learnt my lesson in this one and will be able to have a million kids. Oh and I also blame it on the Duggers, they have what 18 kids now? Its because they have an 'in' with God and they have taken all of the baby quota for them selves!

And that would be 3

I forgot to let you all know that we are now number 3 in line for the worker to be assigned to us for the adoption process. Things seem to be moving right along at the moment, by June I'm sure we will be assigned. Then it's just the actually going through everything to get approved. I'm hoping all of our 'home improvements' will be completed by then. At the moment we have pulled up all of our floor boards in the entry, kitchen, dining room, pulled up the existing tiles in the laundry, bathroom, toilet and ensuite to lay our new tiles. I think they will look fab since we started to lay them in the entry way but then when Dazza's friend came over, he said they don't look so ........... professional! So they will be laying tiles together tonight I believe............ but I will believe it when I see it. For my part, I think I will start moving the tiles around to the back door so they have no excuse as to not do them. Do you know how heavy a pack of 330x330 tiles are? Really heavy!

Other than that, i really haven't been doing much but working. Hard to believe since I haven't been blogging everyday like I used to and nothing else has changed. Oh well, better go, things to do...........

The week of HELL

This is what remains of a Primary school in Kinglake




I wasn't really going to blog about this but have decided to draw as many prayers in for the communities devastated by the week of hell that is bush fires here in rural Victoria.

181 dead and up to 80 people still missing, presumed dead.

Whole communities wiped off the face of the map.

The fire came so fast that some communities were not given any warnings at all.

The first fires started last week on the other side of the city, by Saturday a new fire had been, believed to be deliberately lit, in Kilmore East and quickly engulfed the bushland. Remember we have been in drought for at least the past 8 years, so there was plenty to burn.

With high winds, it didn't take long for it to travel to many other rural towns, some completely gone with very little chance of anyone surviving.

I hate to think of the wildlife, stock and pets that were lost along with the 750 homes that have been burnt to the ground.

This link is of a wild animal, a koala, I know that everyone thinks that these guys are cute and cuddly but they really arn't in real life but this shows the desparation of one.

http://player.video.news.com.au/heraldsun/?Reay9LDBRJjZcvLwFEDVTVmNzvM39fBl

I have read were parents have died along with there babies, children and disabled family members as there wasn't enough time to get out. The first victims I heard of were 6 people in there car, that obviously tried to get out but must have been blocked in. I can't imagine the terror they must have been facing and the screams that must have come from that car with no one but themselves listening.

For the past 5 days now I have heard the water chopper over head, carrying water to dump on effected area's, it brings a tear to my eye every time I hear it. I am lucky to not be too close to the fire however I do have friends in the area where the fires are and have been under threat of losing everything they have ever owned. Some have lost their homes.

I work for an electricity company and know that people who live in the effected area have now automatically had their accounts placed on hold and anyone who has lost their home has had any outstanding debt written off, we have also donated $100,000.00 to the disaster and they are matching $ for $ what employees are donating. I am so proud to know that we are doing some thing for these people and not just wanting there last $, if they have one.

Dazza has been sending me SMS's while I am at work when he is in the disaster area to tell me what people need and I am telling everyone at work what to bring to donate. I just wish I could do more.

A ray of sun shine through this disaster.

a new number

That's right, I called DHS yesterday and 6 has become 4! I think this is totally amazing considering that they would have been closed over the Christmas break and on the 1st of December 08 we were still number 6. Don't get me wrong, very happy to be now 4.

If only birthdays could go backwards like these numbers, I would be very happy.

The only thing that worries me now is that I know that the dogs are going to pose a problem. The powers that be do not like dogs/animals in the house which is the way we live with our 3 dogs, 2 cats and 3 snakes. I have gotten out to the habit of having the dogs sleeping in the bedroom which I battled for a while there but now to have them out all the time, I don't know. I do know that if I start now I won't feel like such a liar when they ask me about the dogs but still how do I start?

Not to mention that Dazza has now decided that he would like to be a sub contractor for his friend this week so threw in his full time, paid every week job for this sub contract thing. I am a little bit worried about this. But wasn't I the one that said not to hold your breath waiting for the things you want in hopes of having/getting a baby, that life must go on? I will just have to cope with this and make sure that we can cope on this financial journey to never never land.

Is anyone else self employed who has gone through/going through the adoption process? How did it/is it going for you with the adoption approval process? Was there anything different that you had to provide for this?

I am really talking myself out of this aren't I? Just need to take a breath and commence breathing, maybe I need yoga and some stress relief.................