tomorrows a new day

That's right, once again, I will be embarking on the healthy eating plan to get this butt whipped into shape. Tonight ended my 'bad' food which is just fried chips with my dinner and a walk with the dogs, which I haven't done in some time. Silly Becky's collar broke so had to get her home to change into the harness and back out we were to catch up with Daz with the other 2 dogs, Molly and Humphrey. Boy that dog has grown. Humphrey turned 1 with week and slowly but surely I am seeing a change in him, which I am surprised about as they are normally a puppy until the age of 5 for the Alaskan malamutes, or maybe he is just having pity on me ;)

Now with all of the diets/healthy eating plans I have been on you would think I would know what to eat come tomorrow but still I am clueless. I know that I MUST start the day with breakfast but I get me head around good/bad, carb/protein and it all goes out the window. So I will start slow and steady, I have some yummy vanilla and almond stuff which will be nice for breakie, then I will have a boiled egg or 2 plus salad for lunch and then for tea will be meat and veg or salad, depending on the weather.

Even though I had been walking to the train station it didn't make a difference to my waist measurement but will have to continue to do that and see how it goes.

a few weeks

Well it's been a few weeks since I visited the blog, sorry but there really isn't much to say when your not ttc. Its been over a month since we received the letter from DHS letting us know we are now officially waiting to be assigned a social worker for the assessment but it can take months, I will let you all know if anything more happens but at the moment it is a stale-mate.

Clothes

Yesterday I bit the bullet and placed some clothes on lay by, what's wrong with that you might say, well I had to come to terms with buying size 18.

This is not something I can do easily. I have been wearing my clothes that I have at the moment so long that they are starting to fall off me and that's not in the good way. The stitching is wearing thin, I have track pants that I have had since before my brother in-law passed which is over 5 years ago now and I am still wearing them. They have serviced their time and should have been gone a long time ago but I couldn't bring myself to except that I needed size 18.

I went through this when I had to stop shopping in Sussan's because I had to go from a 14 to 16, but now this is ridiculous. However I did try on some clothes and placed them on lay by, mainly because I feel like a bag lady whenever I'm out in the street!

Its been over a week or so

since I wrote in my blog. I haven't really got much to say at the moment really. I stopped taking the Duromine after 2 weeks as I was feeling like crap taking it and I think it also affected my depression although I thought I was through it, taking the duromine seem to put me in a funk. Since then I have been eating allot of crap so really have to get back to basics, I know Kerryn I can hear you ;)

I read an interesting little article in the MX Mag that you can get at the train station on the way home, it went like this:

A SWEET WAY TO GET FAT

Splenda, the sweetener used as a sugar replacement, has been linked to weight gain by a study.

It also said it could dampen the effect of some medicines.

The sweetener, which is known generically as sucraiose and made from sugar, is the preferred sugar alternative of millions of dieters while used by top brands to create diet versions of popular products

But US researchers who fed rats different doses of Splenda found the rodents put on more weight than those not fed it.

So don't really know what to make of this, it doesn't state the study name or have a link to where you could locate it to check the facts, another thing that made me think of the results as being deceptive is that it also doesn't state whether the rats were feed NO sugar alternative, sugar or nothing, which of course would lead to the rats gaining weight as apposed to a rat who didn't consume any sugar.

Well here I go

I'm about to take off to the train station to go to the Melbourne Marathon, by now Kristy should be about to start her run, Go Kristy Go! Maybe I'll run into her today sometime.

Anyway, turns out only to be me and friend Daniel from work doing the walk.

As per usual everyone else piked out in the end, but trusty reliable Daniel is coming down by train from Geelong to do the walk with me. How nice is Daniel, even after knowing that everyone piked he still entered even though I tried to let him off the hook, he wouldn't hear of it.

Thanks Daniel.

So will see you on the other side :)

Update on things

Well 1 week down on the pills and she has lost some weight. Today I am back in the 80's that God for that. 89.6 to be exact. Its not a huge number like I have been hearing from others, however I also know that I am probably the one who's doing it properly. Both my co-worker and niece seem to have the same symptoms but I don't???? However on talking to them, they both tell me they feel sick, dizzy and have dry mouth. I don't feel these except for the dry mouth later in the afternoon but I also put that down to working in a call centre in the peak of the day. Now my co-worker and niece have both told me that they could go the whole day and forget to eat! Well I wonder why they would be feeling sick and dizzy??

On the weekend we did indeed do some painting of the lounge room, still have to give some of it a second coat but it looks nice. My feature wall had me freaking out because as I was painting it, it looked like the pigment was coming out of the paint and pooling in spots, but once it dried it was OK.

We still have to do the second coat on the hall way and then start the bedrooms. Oh JOY.

Did I say I like to paint?

I can't remember, but I'm starting to dread it.

Daz as become a painting machine, even when I don't paint, he will get out the paint brush and paint around me. Although he does cost me a fortune in paint. Remember how we have to undercoat the saude effect walls? Well I used 4lts to paint the kitchen, the entry way, the hall way and half the lounge room. Dazza opened a 2lts and has only managed to paint half the lounge room! How does that happen????

Today the lounge room painting will be completed (except for skirting boards which I am dreading, but that's another story for another day)

So after today we will only have to do:

• undercoat main bedroom
• undercoat spare room 1 (to be kids room)
• undercoat spare room 2
• paint 3 walls in main bedroom
• paint last wall as feature wall in main bedroom
• paint spare room 1
• paint spare room 2
• paint laundry
• paint main bathroom
• paint en suite
• paint toilet
• sand all wood work around doors, windows and skirting boards
• undercoat all wood work around doors and skirting boards
• paint all work work around doors, windows and skirting boards
• paint ceilings in every room
• take out ceiling fans in lounge room and main bedroom
• bog in holes in ceiling where said ceiling fans once were
• replace all light fittings throughout the house with energy saving down lights
• look at cost to replace existing kitchen with brand spanking new one
• look at new appliances if we look like getting new kitchen
• order skip
• pull up all floating floors
• break all existing floor tiles
• lay new floor tiles in entry, kitchen, bathrooms, laundry and toilet

I'm sure that there is more that I want to do inside but after this lot, might think about outside Phew

maybe the last

So my friend Cathy called the other day to check our progress with DHS, she was also one of our references, after I told her we had received out letter advising that all of our applications, references and police checks were back so we were officially waiting for a social worker to be assigned to do the assessment, she reminded me that all going to plan, this could be my last birthday coming up as just me, Sue, wife of Darren, daughter of Floss and Les. I could be MOTHER next year. It could also be our last Christmas as a couple, next year we could be FAMILY. Imagine that, all those years of waiting, just waiting, expecting like other couples, that we would be family via the way of nature.

18 long years of waiting, finally could come to an end.

Next year we could be called mummy and daddy, we WILL be called mummy and daddy.

We are determined to be mummy and daddy.

I know it's crazy but

Its only October 4th and I'm thinking about Christmas. In particular the lunch and dinner. This year and it appears all future Christmas's will be held, you guessed it, at our house.

I hadn't really started to think about it until it dawned on me a bout a week ago that last year I was able to cater for most of it from my Chrisco hamper however this year, no Chrisco! So I thought I best just mention to mum that we had better start thinking about it for this year, you know plant the seed to see what she's thinking, where it will be held, it went a bit like this:

Clarkie (me): so mum, what are we doing for Christmas?

Mum: what do you mean?

C: well where are we having Christmas this year?

M: mmmm your place again.........

C: Oh.............

M: let me check with your father

C: OK, let me know

End conversation!

The next day I was at mum & dad's, so thought I should bring it up again, after all if it is at my place, I need to start planning, I don't have just a spare couple of hundred sitting around to rush to the shops once they make up their minds, it goes like this:

C: so dad what are we doing for Christmas?

D: I don't know

C: mum said that we will probably just have it at out place again this year........

D: I don't know, its too early to think about Christmas

C: What??????? (me thinking, mmmmmm if it was at your house you would have the ham on the bone already)

C: I need to start buying stuff if its at our house..............

D: silence.................

End of conversation!

So no answers really.

The next day, mum tells me that dad is worried that if its at our house we won't let my (shithead) nephew, his girlfriend/de facto and 2 gorgeous babies come............. mmm wtf? Actually it was dad last year that had a fight with him before even getting to my house, so dad stayed home and the nephew and family still came!

I don't know what it is about my sister though, she refuses to come to my house, we don't see each other very much anyway but she made her 2 son's also think that they weren't invited, hello its Christmas, no invites needed, just let me know numbers please :) So she will probably be a no show again this year but hr boys and their girlfriends will be with me, along with her daughter and new grandson. Poo Poo to her. Actually that sounds really sad, she will be alone except for her de facto, maybe I should make an effort, maybe she expects me to ask her, I don't want to but, why should I? I'll just tell her kids and they can talk to her, yep, that's what I'll do, if she comes she can but she will probably cut of her nose to spite her face.

So actually I think there was point to this post, what was it again..................

Oh that's right, Christmas dinner, so was thinking of traditional, dad hates the thought of BBQ, so thinking I will cheat this year and buy chicken pieces (last year I cooked chickens) will make mixed assorted veggies, broccoli and cauliflower bake, roast potatoes, we will have ham off the bone (might cheat on that as well) and mum will make roast pork. Not to forget that mum will make the traditional 5 trifles (don't know why people love the crap) and Christmas pudding with custard, or in Dazza's case ice-cream.

Now tell me everyone, how many chicken pieces per person should I order? I was thinking 2 but Dazza says 3 per person. Now out of the family we would have up to about 20 people, now out of the 20 would only be like 3-4 kids. I do think that I am allowed to cheat, after all I will be working the week of Christmas, including Christmas Eve and since the December roster isn't out, it could be a 7pm finish for me in the city, so don't think I will want to be up all night cooking.

Now I also don't now if I will buy presents or just give cash. Cash is so impersonal but its hard to get a good present for everyone, but I don't think there is any better scene than wrapped presents under the beautifully decorated Christmas tree. This could be our last Christmas alone actually, if our adoption assessment goes well and we are chosen quickly, we may have a bub next year. Now that's something to dream about.

My new page

I have just decided that to have 2 blogs on 2 separate sites is too hard, now that we are going to adopt, whats the point of being secret about what we are doing. So here I will be, warts and all, waiting for our family to be formed.

Some where out there our baby could already have been conceived and we are just waiting to be brought together. Whether you are a boy or a girl, we are ready for you, our sweet precious baby-clarkie.

Oh My

I missed my own blogoversary! How sad is that? Thanks Teena for reminding me :)

So yesterday was 2 years to the day that I started this blog, it would have been more than that for being on the Sportblitz Forum where I originally met allot of the people I now talk to via blog land. Its if funny and sad that I started this blog with such good intentions and now I am at my heaviest instead of lightest which is where most of everyone else has ended up.

Over the years Kerryn has told me its not lazy, just make 1 change at a time, well Kerryn I don't think its laziness either but a lack of will, not lack of will power but that lack of will to get off my arse and do what needs to be done to get where my imagination tells me to be.

Don't get me wrong, this is not a blog bash of myself but a realisation that I have come to. I was thinking about it last night on the bus home from work. Its not that I lack will power or that I am lazy, after all I'm constantly on the go doing various things but when it comes to having to think to much about what I have to do, it all seems to much so I class that as a lack of will.

Also on my blogoversary, by coincidence only, I happened to commence on the Duromine, 1 per day, they say it keeps you awake, I don't know about that, I went to bed at my normal time of around 8.45pm, slept for a good 2 hours but Dazza left the ducted heating on, so I just about dried out and had to get up to turn it off, went back to sleep but found myself laying there with my eyes shut for a good hour I think before I decided to get up. It was 4am!

So I got up, did the dishes, put on a load of washing, feed the cats and dogs and will wait another 1/2 hour and jump in the shower for work. Now you could think that was the pills but I have had instances like this before without the pills, will see what happens tonight, although I must admit, getting up this early isn't a bad think, when I let my cats out for a run this morning at 5am I noticed it was already light out, now if I hadn't gotten up, I won't have realised that it is now light at 5am ;)