Saturday, April 28, 2007

A new conclusion in my life

Today whilst on my walk, I had a good chance to think about my life. It feels like for all our married life we have been in debt or trying for a baby through natural, supernatureal and scienctific means. That is what it has come down to. I realised that I am 38 years old but feel 22. So why do I have to have a baby now. Why can't I go back to IVF when I'm 40 or 41 for that matter? I have decided that we will pay off our debts (except the home loan of course, I'm not completely mad) refinance our home and travel a bit. We have never really travelled although we did go to Bali, we also took our 2 neices at the age of 14 with us. So not really travelled together as a couple. And to top it off, I feel that I made the right decision because as soon as I said it to myself a NAB bank car drove past. That I will take as an omen. Call me crazy but I believe in all of those signs.

Before going back to IVF I want to have lost at least 10 kilo's if not all of my unwanted 20 kilo's. I want to appear in photo's and not feel ashamed or selfconcious as soon as I see a camera come out. I realised today that I don't have many photo's of my bother in-law, Jeff, who died at 33, nearly 4 years ago. Then realised that if I died today, dazza and my family would find it very hard to find any photo's of my that aren't at least 5 years old. That to me is a sad realisation.

So I will start a 'things to do' list on the side of this blog and keep a track of the things I want to do and the things I actually accomplish. First is to start to save for a holdiay to the States. I also have to get over the fear of dying in a terrorist attack before I can get on a flight. Pay off my debts and refinance the house. And finally go back to IVF once I have lost this weight to make it easier to conceive.

Boy I have really been thinking deep lately, don't know where thats come from :-}

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