transition

Transition

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Local Celebrity

So the news is out.

A local magazine is going to do a 4 part series on the husband and I about our trip and resulting bub (fingers crossed).

I thought, OK, this is OK, but now they want to come over and take photo's of the husband and I, now that feels hard.

I got through the probing questions about the start of our relationship, when I realised there was a problem with our fertility, went through all of our testing and procedures. It was feeling really hard for a while there, nearly wanted to pull the plug, but pushed through.

I am a little freaked out that there will be a photographer in my home tomorrow.

On better new, mum will be released from rehab on Tuesday, that sounds wrong doesn't it, released, sounds like she is getting out of jail or substance rehab.

So not sure if I told you that I had my hair all cut off? Well I did, and now it also is a different colour, I have gone lighter, it will be even lighter by the time I head to the States. Its funny because of the photo shoot, I had originally given the magazine a photo of my long dark hair, which was curled for my nieces wedding. I thought I was smart because then no one would recognise me in the magazine, but now they will get current photo's, not happy Jan :(

So, there is 27 days until we leave! Its now coming really quickly and really becoming a reality....

I'm still a bit perplexed about what to take with us, don't know whether to bring allot of clothes or not, since I might want to buy some clothes in the States, whether to bring much in the way of shampoo and conditioner, since it will weigh allot in our cases to bring enough toiletries for 5 weeks, I think I will just bring a small bottle of each and buy the rest in the States. All these little things is what is swimming in my head at the moment.

My body also is giving me some grief. If your a guy, this is where you stop reading.

I am on the pill to get my cycle where the clinic needs it. In doing so, I am skipping a period and continuing to take the active pills. Well my body is saying, no, I want to give you this period, you must take it. So at the moment, I am suffering the cramps but to date, no period as yet.

I don't know if this has been the same experience that others have had, would be interesting tohear from anyone reading who has gone through similar experience.

Well have to go for now, well check back maybe after the photo shoot tomorrow. EEEERK

5 weekends

That's all we have until our trip!

It is amazing, I can't believe how fast its moving. We have booked all of our hotels, the last one changed to a Hollywood hotel. I am so nervous about flying, not looking forward to that side of it but I am excited about the food I have read on allot of menus.

Last night I went out and got my hair colour changed and had the chop. That should make for interesting customs conversation trying to get out of Australia and into LAX.

I guess the count down will start soon, I will have to make some lists, start getting things together for our cases.

I have been really stressed about work, my mother, the trip and 'the husbands' business. All things are getting better but I can't help but try to control everything. I know that I can't be everything to everyone but this is what I have been in a long time, its hard to stop.

Well I have the in laws coming for Indian tonight, will drop some off to mum as well, she loves Indian food. Mum has moved over to rehab now, she has been there for about 6 days now, not sure exactly how long she will be there for, but as long as she can start to walk by herself and get some of her Independence back again, it will be worth it.

My dogs have all had their won issues as well, Becky's heart murmer is getting worse, I have her on up to 5 tablets a day, now I have started to cook and give her low sodium food in a hope that it will help, it doesn't appear to be helping yet :( Molly had issues with her ears, lucky the medication fixed it, we thought she may have had to undergo surgery but lucky she didn't. Humphrey, well he has been Humphrey, no issues really to speak of with him, luck is on my side with him :)

Well better make a move to get this place ready for the in laws.

Nothing new but nothing old either

I'm finding it difficult to remove blogs from my blog list, even those that haven't blogged in months. Sometimes is just too hard to let go, like Big Al or Polar's Mom.... I keep hoping that they will come back but they still don't seem to be anywhere, maybe they have gotten on with their real lives??

I have finally started to prepare for our trip to the States. Since I am travelling all the way to another country, I didn't want to leave anything to chance, so I have started the Pill a month early. God I hate the Pill, it makes me feel blah, sick, blah. So I am taking it at night and hoping I can get through the most of it through my sleep. Its not working.

I have been really stressed of late. The Husband is now working for himself full time from home. It is soo hard to leave every day knowing he is still in bed and is home all day while I'm at a work place :(

Work has been stressing me. Its been really busy because we have been short of staff and I am having to help where I don't want to be, making me angry :(

Mum is still in the hospital, that is taking its toll on me, mentally and physically :(

But did you know that there is only 44 days until we fly out to LA :)

The Husband has started dreaming about us having twins, a boy and a girl. He then goes on to tell me that as soon as the babies are born, I want to go back for more treatment/babies!! Can you even imagine?? I told you we have great vibes about this treatment :)

My new bathing suit has arrived and I am very excited. We are still looking into things to do while we are there, The Husband would like to travel to NYC to attend Ground Zero and pay our respects, however we have to fit in with the clinic so these things might have to be looked at once we arrive and get a schedule set in stone.

Anywho, best be making a move, I'm meant to be at work, doing work stuff ;)

nothing really to title this as...

As per usual, I am back and forth to the hospital, mum got so sick this time so suddenly that she was blinded, literally blinded. She had gotten up in the morning to go to the toilet and could no longer see! By the time she got to the hospital, she had NO blood pressure at all. Once they got her stabilised, she spent a few days in ICU, went to a unit within the hospital however her breathing again got really laboured, nearly went back to ICU, but mum resisted so they dealt with her in the unit. Blood sugars continued to drop every day, one ICU nurse told me that its concerning that her body might be shutting down. It is still hard for me to believe because she is still talking to me.

I am still the point of contact so everyone is calling/txting me to find out what is happening, I just want to shout that if people went to see her, they would know how she is. I work full time but still manage to see her every day. They don't call her because they would prefer her direct number which I can't give them, its obviously to hard to call through reception.

I am really worried that one of these days, coming soon will be the end. I don't know what will be worse, her going before we leave for the US, or something happening while we are in the US, what will I do without her in my life. She is my best friend. 'The Husband' has even asked me if I want to be told if something happens while we are away. I don't know how to answer that question.

Weight loss is not happening, I don't have enough hours/minutes in the day to be thinking about what I am or not eating, allot of the time its just take out on the way home from the hospital.

'The Husband' is no longer employed, causing me more stress, he is basically working for himself however it doesn't make me feel secure. I'm worried about our trip to the US, will we have enough cash. I just don't know anymore. I am visualising our trip, I can see it, I can taste it but do I really believe we will be there?? Yes and No.

Its been a while

I can't believe its nearly been a month since I updated.

Oops, sorry, how neglectful of me.

I am getting extremely excited for our trip, the days are counting down very quickly, 64 days until we fly out to LA.

'The Husbands' home business is cranking along, so much he can hardly keep up, she is continuing to hint that he might have to give up his full time job. I will resist for as long as I can. I just don't trust that the second shoe might drop and he ends up with no work at all.

My job has been very busy. I am getting extremely frustrated with some of my co worker, some of them are so slack and I have to pick up the slack allot. I had to let my team leader know today how I was getting frustrated. It just wasn't fair to myself.

We have been contacted by our clinic for our doctors clinic in the States, 2.15pm on the day we arrive in LA. Nothing like getting the ball rolling. LOL

So that's about it, not much to update really.

I am still wanting to loose some weight before heading over but sometimes its easier to say than do. I would love to lose 2 kilos per week but 1 per week would be great too.

Any way, this is it, I'm done, got to get the cake out of the oven, ok the diet can be after the cake.

touching base

Well what's been happening??

I've had good news and some bad news.....

The Bad:

My cousin unfortunately miscarried, she was 20 weeks and having a boy. Very sad, she had recently had a baby girl and was shocked and excited to find she was pregnant again but took it in her stride. In the mean time her partner, my aunt and her children lost there home also due to no work and the loss of her business a while ago. They are all moving interstate but not before she must arrange a heart breaking funeral for her baby boy.

My niece whom also recently tied the knot with one of the most frustrating men I know has been knocked off her butt as well. Her new husband quit/got sacked from the new job 'the husband' got for him. She has decided to interview for a new job that pays more (since she is the sole bread winner) but before that happened her paternal grandmother had a brain aneurysm and has passed away, the funeral being Monday this week.

The Good:

Well its always a good week when mum's home and not in the hospital. She was also admitted to the hospital the same weekend at the other grandmother, which she stayed for about a week but has been home for a week now.

My brother and his wife leave for the States tomorrow and gave us a call last night. Unusual so I stated to freak out when he said..... No need to panic but I wanted you to hear it from me.... I had to brace myself thinking that he knew something about my parents that I hadn't been told yet.... but to my surprise it wasn't....

He went on to say, well we know about your situation, and we didn't want you to hear this from someone else..... Cassie is pregnant! Cassie is my other niece. She is an only child so this is fantastic news for my brother and his wife. Cas has been married going on 2.5 years, she is 27 years of age and is so happily married it makes you sick. She and her husband have travelled the world since he works for one of our large airlines in engineering and I think they are going to be blessed and live a great life.

Well, I started writing this post on Friday morning and its now Saturday, been up since 6.15am and 1 thing has changed from above. Of course its mum, she is back in hospital. She has cellulitis in her right leg, they did think that it could have been another blood clot but it is believed now that it may be just the cellulitis. Thank goodness. I started to get frustrated yesterday when she went back into the hospital, they never seem to look at previous records. Mum was in hospital only the week before where they were trying to manage her pain but do you think that they wrote up her pain medication yesterday??/ No of course not, so had to make sure before I left last night that she would be comfortable.

You know the older they come the younger they seem. Strange isn't it. I feel like they are children again and I need to make sure that they are OK and that only I can make things better, like they have no voice for themselves or that they don't know direction any longer. I think its me, not them that needs to adjust and just back off sometimes.

Diet/lifestyle changes...
I have a friend who has taken on the Bodytrim system, her results, 19 kilo loss in 10 weeks. Sounds fantastic to me. On the little I have read of the book, it appears to be a high protein diet, much like the Durkin diet, first 3 days being protein only.... Thought I would give it a go, little trial so to speak.

Feelings

I got a text message the other night that I should be happy about but my feelings were ...... assaulted, battered, worn down, you get what I mean. What did it say?

"It's a boy and Lucas will be home this weekend a new baby brother for Olivia
and she is very excited"

Its not that I was not excited or happy for them but to be able to adopt 2 babies so quickly just did my head in when it seemed that someone deemed me not worthy of 1. I remember giving that person the advise, from IVF to adoption, and then they get through for the second time and we couldn't get through for the 1st time.

I feel like this time in LA is going to work and I feel like we are going to be blessed with twins, maybe a boy and a girl but I feel really lucky to have been given the opportunity to be a mother. I so feel like this is going to work. Am I crazy? I don't know, I like this kind of crazy.

Update

So a couple of things have gone down since I last updated.

Mum had another fall out of bed on Monday, thought she might of broken a hip, unluckily it turn out to be nothing, after the x-rays and having the physio help her work, she came home from the hospital. I took her dogs to the vet Tuesday, left one there for surgery, Wednesday did the pick up and took home back to mum's. By the time I got back she was on the phone with the hospital...... wait for it ..... they reviewed her x-rays, she does have a hairline break in her pelvis??

Oh that's why it hurts like f*ck!

Result, bed rest for the next few weeks. Fun for everyone around her, she does not stay in bed people!

A week ago I also had to take my Miss Becky to the vet also, she had developed a bit of a cough, I was just praying for no kennel cough, especially since we have to other dogs at home.

Well kennel cough would have been less expensive. Miss Becky has a heart murmur. That's right, on a scale of 1 to 6, she is a 4. Thank God, 5 and 6 are surgery. She will be on medication for the rest of her little life but at least I still have her. $120 per month for meds, I just try not to think of the cost over a 5 year span although I hope she will live forever.

My sister from another mother, Kerrie, has contacted me to advise that she has friends in America that can get accommodation for me cheaper, so just waiting to hear if the cost is less than my original quotes, not holding my breath but any saving is good for spending money ;)

I am on my weight loss journey still. Although I thought about doing the Master Cleanse, I have come to my senses and have changed my plans and will update with a new weight update in a week or two. Start weight is 91.5 on Friday 6th May. Although everyone thinks that I hold my weigh well and no one can see the weight on me, I can see it. I also just saw the professional photo's of my nieces wedding and those freakin fat arms are in them, not happy Jan, so have to start doing some light weights to fix that issue.

I fixed the sneaker issue by of course buying new shoes. I brought some Portland Get Fit Lift shoes, they are like the tone ups but the Aussie version I guess. I can tell you that they do make for some sore shins after a couple of days. But with the little peep hole in the top, it helped with the tattoo.

the problem is

having a tattoo on my foot means that I can't put on my sneakers for 2 weeks!

Never thought of that before, until yesterday when I had to go looking for track pants or sneakers. I can only were my low cut flat shoes, OK for work but we have a 5 day long weekend here.

I so want to get out and go for a walk but I can't in those flat shoes. Its so boring at home at the moment, there is nothing on television, how many times can you brush the dogs??

Think I might go to the hardware and gardening store, maybe I can get started on my front garden makeover.

Bored bored booorrreeedddd

So yesterday I went and got my first ever tattoo.

I won't lie, it was painful but well worth it I think.

It is a dragonfly which is symbolism of myself and renewal in attitude and life changing, as well as dream catcher, of course we are always chasing dreams, whether that's, weight loss, the house of your dreams or the holiday you've always wanted, if you aren't dreaming then you might as well give up on living, and lastly the 10 stars, which symbolise the 110 embryos a special family have donated to the husband and I.

The huband also went and got himself a tattoo which is for his brother who died in his arms, it isn't finished yet so won't post a picture as yet until its coloured in.

So there you go, finally we have the tattoo, was thinking about having 'DREAM' and 'BELIEVE' on each wrist. Still thinking about that for now.

the day of pain

Today is the day that I receive my tattoo. I'm getting really nervous at the moment about how painful it will be on my foot and also the fact that it will cover most of my right foot. Is it the right place to have the tattoo? I don't know but I know I want to see it not have it on my back where I can't see it most of the time. But I won't be able to cover it, you will see it with most shoes that I wear, is that a problem? No not really but I am someone that does worry about how people see me. It is now 8.03am and at 10am I will start to receive the tattoo and by 11.30am it will be over. I will then still go and gather up my mother and take her shopping as per usual, don't know how that will go but I must do what I must do.

The Husband will then start to receive his tattoo after me. He is getting his right forearm done in honour of his brother, who died in 'the husbands' arms when they were together riding their motorbikes. Its been about 6 years since then and its taken this time to get the right thing designed and finally move forward.

A big day for us, symbolically.

Detox

Yesterday I decided that I think I need to do a detox. I felt really bloated and had pains in my stomach area. I felt like I had increased my inners x 3 all within my 8 hour work day and was so uncomfortable by the end of the day.

So I started looking at the Master Cleanse. I have been looking at others posts on YouTube to see results good and bad, some lose weight with the cleanse, skin is great, no hunger but some get rashes big time. So I have ordered the ebook to give it a good read first. It can't do my any harm (unless I get a rash) to be able to clean out my system of any built up crap in my system. I have watched some strange shows like 'most embarrassing illness' where they do coffee enemas and they pass 'colon plague' by the bucket full. Although they lose weight, its like internal weight, not outer weight. After all it is all but a fluid diet so its not like you are really going to be using it like a diet.

I have seen some on YouTube that have done the cleanse for 40 days, well that's commitment. I don't think I could do it for that long, 10 day minimum will be big for me.

Its just a thought at the moment, not determined. Don't know how I could do the saltwater flush and still be able to get any work done at work, my bathroom at work is not very close to my desk, apparently its a mad rush to 'eliminate' within 2 hours of the saltwater flush.

As you can probably see I have added a countdown ticker for leaving for LA and for the transfer. I am really getting excited now. Sorry for my American friends but the AUD/USD $ is great for our trip at the moment. I just can't wait to pack our bags, although I am scared about flying. I just am not a good flier, something about lack of control and feet not being on the ground, less distance to fall.

all going great

This week has gone from good to great! Mum has been quiet well for her, she has a sore back but is getting stronger everyday. They have even given in to the fact that they can't do everything and have a guy coming to do the dawns and gardening once a month. That means a happy family because no one will be nagging to have the lawn mowed ;) We received 'The husband' passport in the mail, so the Visa Waivers are done - tick we also received our International Drivers licenses in the mail - tick Travel insurance purchased - tick I did purchase the airline tickets and booked a car from the airport - tick however someone at work mentioned that they thought we were very brave getting a car from the airport since we will be getting off a long haul flight, driving on the wrong side of the road and trying to get out of the airport with inter contenting freeways............... well when you say it like that............... might cancel the car from the airport, will probably get a shuttle from the airport to the hotel then get the hire car. I have chosen the hotels, yes that's right hotels. We have decided to move hotels, not too far from the clinic but enough to make it feel new over the 5 weeks, the last week being very close tot he beach, well on top of the beach. We will do some trips in the spare time, like a trip to Mexico for the day, a 3 day 2 night trip over to Vagas baby with a side trip to the Grand Canon. 'The Husband' isn't that interested in going to Disney Land and as I don't do rides I don't really care but others have told us we should go anyway because its not just about the rides. If anyone can think of something else we can/should do, feel free to comment. I've currently been dieting for our trip, nothing crazy but it has shown some results thus far, Monday I was 91.6 and as of Saturday are 90.0, now I haven't exercised like I should have but still have these results, it can only get better. Although yesterday at woek I won the Easter raffle....... a massive basket of eggs and bunnies, however I had just been sent on a mission to the lollie shop for the mothers barley sugar that I swear she is addicted to more than she was to the smokes, and thought, I should by the easter eggs for everyone, called the mother, she put in a request, after I spent $51 for gifts from me and $58 for gifts from the mother and then I arrive back to work and after spending $6 on raffle tickets (9 tickets in totol) I win the mother load! Lucky I don't really eat chocolate cause we could really be in trouble with the diet. 132 days until we fly to LA!

136 days till we fly

We are getting another step closer. Today we received our e-tickets for the flights and 'the husbands' passport is waiting at the post office for him to collect tomorrow. The international drivers licenses should be here Wednesday or Thursday and the car rental has been booked. Next we can apply for our Visa waivers tomorrow night and waiting to book the accommodation because it appears that the Internet doesn't like to book anything more that 25 days. Still have to work out what we are going to do about the pets. We could get someone to come and house sit for the 5 weeks, remembering we have 3 dogs, 2 cats and 4 snakes. I got a quote for a dog kennel and cattery which worked out to be something like $3000. So we have a nephew we can ask to come and stay or a sister in-law to take some of the dogs and someone to come to the house to feed the cats but what to do, what to do? We have 136 days until we fly out, not that I'm counting or anything :) I have started a small diet, not mentioning a great deal about it but hopefully it will make a difference between pregnant or not.

Treatment info

So although we know we are coming to the States for the embryo adoption, I haven't really talked much about the treatment and transfer....

1. We will be starting with a blood test and ultrasound to check my ovaries and lining (possibly here in Australia or in the States) on the 26th August


2. then if we aren't already in the States we will fly over and go to the clinic on the 31st August - on this day we have our first shot of Delestrogen injection


3. on the 3rd Sept next Delestrogen shot


4. 7th Sept next appointment with the doctor/clinic, another shot of Delestrogen


5. 10th Sept - Delestrogen shot


6. 14th Sept - Delestrogen shot


7. 16th add 1cc Progesterone shot


8. 17th 2cc Progesterone daily and Delestrogen


9. 18/19/20th 2cc Progesterone


10. 21st Delestrogen and TRANSFER -back to hotel and rest for 2 days


11. 30th Sept first PREGNANCY TEST


12. 4th Oct second PREGNANCY TEST

Daily I am taking Pregnancy Platinum vitamins and Folic Acid supplements

Our clinics web pages has success rates based on the egg donors age, since our egg donor was under 35 at the time of conception of the embryos, their success rate is 48%. I hoping that this will be a good vibe for us, especially with all that has happened this week with everything falling into place.

I am really excited to receive 'the husbands' passport early this week and then our international drivers licenses, next to apply for our Visa waiver (have to wait for the other passport).

We are on our way babies, only 4 and a bit months left before we fly out to meet you.....

updates

It is really REAL we are coming to America I have had my annual leave approved, my passport is here (just waiting for the husbands on Monday). Live has been good to us this week, let me explain.... I put in my leave a week or so ago, my Team Leader thought she knew how to process leave without pay, so it sat on her desk for a week until the rostering lady asked when I was going to apply for my leave? I told her I had but since it has to go through her, she was puzzled. I sent the TL a quick email to let her know that I had been asked about the leave, which had her pointed into the right direction. The HR person came to request if I would give her approval to advise the head of the company why I wanted unpaid leave, he must have been racking his brain as to what my 'medical procedure being performed in United States' meant, maybe he thought I would be coming back with a breast enhancement of double E! So with some information relaid, the leave is approved. Great I now have the time now to come up with the money. Low and behold, I get home that night and there is a cheque in the mail for $6330. I now that we would be getting it sooner or later but not sooner. Life is good, could it get better?? I am at work on Friday, after having a crap Thursday at work, when the TL wants to see me again. Geez, if she has 'words' with me about someone else's job again that I am helping out with, I will spit it. I am just breathing, thinking about the 139 days until we leave for America. The kicker, just when you least expect something, BAM, take that. The big bosses at my work place have decided that because of my 'holiday reason' I am no longer having leave WITHOUT pay, they will pay me while I am away! Now I am taking 5 weeks leave, 3 of which were leave without pay. That's going to equal about $2000 bonus. Even if I leave the work place, pregnant or not, I do not owe them the money! What? How is the universe smiling on me so much, not that I am questioning the universe but lets just say, I will be playing the lotto this week. Its a nice change from what the universe had been dishing out. So we are planning on leaving Australia for the US on approx 26th August until end of September. Planning in some day trips, maybe to Mexico and Vagas, maybe some other places. Now it really is REAL.

PLANS

I've applied for the annual leave to come over to the States, applied for a new passport and just purchased some new luggage. I'd say the plans are a GO

Am I a little excited? HELL yeah

Days and weeks are moving so fast and soon it will be time to get on that jet airplane and fly for some 15 hours if I can get a direct flight or some 18 to 27 hours if I end up with some stop overs!

I am also looking to get a tattoo for the very first time. Have been trawling the web for inspiration, I would really like a dragonfly, either on my wrist or my foot. Maybe some flowers that symbolise the 10 gifts that have been given to us by a very special family. This is such a turning point on our lives. One that I was unsure was ever going to happen.

So I am just trying to make sure I stay as healthy as possible, loose some excess, and keep the dream alive.

Mum's back in hospital, hopefully she will be home soon, and home in time for Mandy's wedding next Saturday, fingers crossed.

Work has been fantastic, really loving it at the moment.

Life is good.

12-3-11

My neices hens night took place last night and lots of fun was had.

time...............

Gosh I can't believe its been soo long since I last posted.

So I have been working away at getting our shit together for the US trip, can't believe it be that long before we will be there. I can visualise travelling to the airport and boarding that flight to LA. I have been madly trying to find a hotel that I like, not too expensive but also not to drab, especially since we will be there for a while. I don't know if I want beach or closer to LA itself. Decisions decisions.

Mum went and had the screws removed from her ankle on Friday just gone, it took 2 days before they would let me take her home, had to get the hospital at home sorted for her blood clots and dressings, but finally she was back home. She isn't happy about having to wear the 'boot' for another 2 weeks but what must be must be.

We have had some friends split which is sad and hard to understand. I don't know about others but we have been married for 18 years now and I don't know if I would say I was 'in love' however I couldn't imagine my life without 'the husband', maybe I am in love, but that is the reason for the split of the friends, there as been no fighting or anything but she isn't in love any more. They have a daughter who has just started high school, loves both of her parents to death, she is devastated of course, so is the husband, he can't see what has happened, which is really sad.
What about you, especially the guys that have been married for many years, could you say that you are still in love or that you love your partner with all your heart and couldn't imagine your life without them like I do? I don't know if I just think that its a cop out.

So 'the husband' has been back at work for the past 3 weeks, let me just say, I am HAPPY about that. He makes more in 1 week than I do in a fortnight even when I do overtime. I have been out buying some new clothes that I feel great and if I do say so myself, I think I look fantastic. Especially since I have brought clothes that actually fit and no worrying about the number on the tag (size wise I mean).

So soon the airline tickets will be brought, hotel chosen and paid, hire car selected, passports delivered, Visa obtained and international drivers license applied for. OMG, I just can't wait. I might even get the opportunity to meet our donor in r.e.a.l. l.i.f.e.

I'm back

Sorry everyone, I've been MIA, I have just got a new wifi modem so back in the world of blogging and Facebooking, will catch up on everything and everyone soon...........

new beginnings

Today feels like a brand new day, with new beginnings.

'The husband' has a new job and has been going well for the past week. They are long hours and his own business is having to be placed on the back burner. I have been less than happy of the past few weeks/months, due to the stress of family and money. But it all seems to be working its self out for now and my fingers are crossed that they continue to look up.

I've been a bit out of sorts, suffering headaches and the like, so have been to the doctors and had some blood tests done, will have to wait to find out the answers though. However my spirits are definitely lifting and I should be able to get myself back on track.

I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words while I've been down. I really appreciate all your prayers.

I know its been a week since I last posted but my brain is not in the game at the moment.

I am emotionally wreaked!

Not because of what someone has said or done, just me, being mental about allot of stresses going on here, in my house. I can see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel however the little glimmer could easily be snuffed out before it starts to glisten brighter.

I can't concentrate on any one thing at the moment, everything feels BIG!

Things blown out of proportion.

It will get better, I have to believe that.

"Don't judge people from their break down, but judge them from how they come back after a set back" - Shannan Ponton - Biggest Loser Trainer Australia

Now that's a nice way to live I think, its not about the melt down, but how someone comes back into the game after the melt down. Although it could be said that we all tend to judge someone from our first glances, its not fair and this is how many of us have been judged before someone even takes the time to know us.

I have fallen off the wagon and thankfully not too many people have judged me for it. In actual fact I think I may have been the only one to harshly judge myself from it. I think I need to start giving myself the benefit of judging me the way I judge others, and that is not harshly, but to also know when I am bullshitting myself.

Thankfully I have lost the same amount that I put on after my little break down, and I can tell you with my emotions the way they are I may have some more break downs in the near future, but I won't commit myself to the break downs before they happen and pre-empt them.

One day at a time is all I can do and commit to.

I pledge to do my best and this is the best that I can do, be good to myself and treat myself with respect that I so others. Stop all the negative talk and start with the positive talk.

The P!nk Song - Fuckin' Perfect, hits such a strong note in me - Lyrics below:

Made a wrong turn, one or twice

Dug my way our, blood and fire

Bad decisions, that's alright

Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood

Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down

Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated

Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel like

Like your less than fuckin' perfect

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like your nothing

Your fuckin' perfect to me!

Your so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong

Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead

So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!

Filled with such hatred.....such a tired game

It's enough! I've done all I can think of

Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like your less than fuckin' perfect

Pretty pretty please, if you ever feel like your nothing

Your fuckin' perfect to me!

The whole world is scared so shallow the fear

The only thing I should be drinking is ice cold beer

So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and its a waste of my time

Done looking for the critics, cause their everywhere

Don't like my jeans, don't get my hair

Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time

Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby ..!

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like your less than fuckin' perfect

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like your nothing, your fuckin' perfect to me

You're perfect, you're perfect!

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like your nothing

Your fuckin' perfect to me

Something different!

Someone must have done something to piss off the powers that be....

How else can you explain all of these weather changes in such a short time?

Now not only did Brisbane flood, Far North Queensland's cyclone, WA's cyclone, regional Victoria's floods and now metropolitan Melbourne flash flooding! What the hell is going on? Its meant to be SUMMER here people, with white sandy beaches (albeit with smoke butts in the sand) long days sun baking on this sun burnt country, ice creams running down your hands, mozzie bites and BBQ's but instead we have this....

Some poor fellow in Metro Melbourne flooded in his poor kitchen!

The worse part, there is more to come over the next 24 -48 hours!

People have been washed away in their cars, being rescued for running to the shop or collecting their kids. 'The Husband' had gone to band practice last night and the rain started and didn't stop, it was scary waiting for him to get home without having some sort of accident or breaking down due to the water, lucky he made it home and is tucked away in bed right now.

Of course being Saturday, mum and I normally go out, but I think we will wait until we know its going to be OK, weather wise first. We would normally part undercover however with the recent floods, I'm reluctant to park undercover to only have my car float, I can only imagine the damage that could be done. But mum being in a wheelchair, its hard to park out in the open as well, probably better to stay at home.

Today is a new day

Hopefully after seeing the financial counsellor today I will feel allot more freer, is that even a word?

I'm hoping that it will take away some strain, to maybe see it in a different light, maybe its not as bad as I think, or maybe its worse, I will just have to suck it and see. We also have our appointment today with a notary to get our contract with our embryo donor done, then will have to send off overseas to have the donor also have signed off by a notary and then it will whisk its way to the clinic and hopefully they will finally be satisfied.

Its that TOTM for me, started nearly a week early! Darn it, in all this hot weather as well, just when you want to be care free and live it up, your stuck with the tummy ache which is never care free. Lucky I got my sexy back last week otherwise there would be no sexy for another week :O

It appears that Big Al is about to stuck chucking challengers out of the challenge, what can I say, I'm amazed I haven't been chucked before now, but I guess I will make it official and just leave. I'm really not in the mood to be chucked anywhere at the moment. So officially I'm out. Thanks for all the help Allan, it really did help for the short period I was on it but again, not everything is for everyone, no point being nasty about it or getting angry because someone didn't/couldn't/wouldn't follow the plan exactly, but be happy to have made some new connections, I know you have plenty of friends so probably don't need more, but I hope that this doesn't mean the end to our cyber relationship..........

In saying that, I have lost a little more today, 197.3 which brought me back down again, no doubt being that TOTM it will show up again on the scales anyday now.

Edit note - Just received a reply from me mate Allan, so I'm still IN officially

its done

I feel like this journey of weight loss is done for me, I haven't followed the plan for a week or so, I get bored easy. I may be wrong and will find out the hard way but unfortunately this week weight gain just put it in my face so the facts are the facts, I suck at weight loss and following plans!

I feel miserable, it is also stress related, the 1 income thing, its getting to me, I'm going to see a financial counsellor on Tuesday, hopefully get my shit under control.

'The Husband' doesn't understand or maybe he is feeling his own stress. He doesn't talk about it at all. He has started to get orders for his business at home, got a deposit cheque but I find that he isn't a finisher. We have one of his jobs in the yard that has been here for months, just waiting to be finished. That's cold hard cash waiting to come in, it could pay some bills and have the phone calls stop for money. But it still sits there because he moves onto something else instead of completing what he has.

OMG, that just sounded like I'm a hypocrite! Here I am saying he doesn't finish anything and I had just said I was done with the plan.

Jesus, I need mental help I think! Maybe the adoption people were right, maybe I am mental?

Either way, that said, The Biggest Loser starts tonight, and I will be watching, hopefully from my treadmill.

Oh weigh in was 198lbs, that's up 2.7 :(

Just when you least expect it ....

Dad goes and has a fit, literally!

It came from nowhere and not showing up on any tests but all that saw it said it looked like a epileptic fit?

So of course I spent a fair bit of last night at the hospital with mum in her wheel chair, dad in a hospital bed and me nearly falling asleep in the chair. He should be home today as long as nothing else shows up in his tests. Its a bastard when something like this happens. You want to know why so that you can fix the problem and keep moving but when nothing shows in the tests, you think good as well but then you don't know what or when the next thing will happen!

Well that's it for me for now, gotta get ready for work. Thank God its Friday today.

Sexy back

Yep that's right, today on Australia Day, I went and got my sexy back.

$78 at the day spa and $30 Target, the sexy is back

(you can use your overactive imaginations)

Now just to put my plans into action tonight.........

I wonder how many calories that will burn?

Its Australia Day today,

so there will be lots of resting and relaxing the best way we know how!

The truth

Well it seems to be getting harder not easier for me. The lack of variety is killing me slowly. I think that I am slowly slipping off the wagon and onto my old habits. The water has slowed, and I'm tired. Absolutely TIRED.

I really feel like slothing around, I don't want to go to work, I just want to lay on the couch and do nothing. This has been in my mind for at least 2 days now.

As its Australia Day tomorrow, my work are having a 'boardshorts' day, were we will dress up today and have a sausage sizzle. I am on the R & R committee, so of course I will be there cooking and helping out, but to then not eat, are you insane? There will be fried onions as well, who could resist fried onions? No human could surely.

So I think I will be in trouble with the grand master of 'the plan' but sometimes I think you have to partake in some small things, tomorrow is another day and all. I know I've had 42 years to have all that food but life is to be enjoyed in moderation and I think I have shown I can do that in these last few weeks. Not saying that my weigh in was great or will be great this week coming but I haven't quit completely ...... YET......

OMG

I'm back from mum's. Bathroom, shower, bath, cleaned, sheets changed on all the beds, beds made, floors vacuumed, mum feed, referee amongst the arguing, and I am pooped. Now to relax back at my own place and contemplate vacuuming my own floor!

Weigh in and more

So today was weigh in for me, 195.3, its down slightly but not as good as last weeks loss. I'm still happy, its moving down, who wouldn't be happy, I only have myself to blame.

I needn't have worried about our outing yesterday, by the time we got moving, we were just go go go, no time for lunch which actually meant that I didn't eat until dinner yesterday at about 8.30pm once I got back home and put away our groceries. Adding a wheel chair to the back of my small hatch back, along with all of the shopping mum and I did was a little crazy, I had to call 'the husband' and ask if he could come and collect our groceries from the shopping centre just in case I couldn't fit it all in.

Went to see 'the niece' who is getting married in April, we had just brought her kitchen tea presents, as she had just gone and picked up her wedding flowers and wanted to show us. (she had silk flowers made which I didn't think would look good but they do) She had also asked me to do a reading at the church ceremony which should be interesting, I am not a public speaker and the thought of doing it is making me a little nervous, but as long as I can practice it long before makes it a little easier.

So whats on for today, well I'm heading back to mum's today, going to dye her hair as well as do a bit of a clean up. The boys did what they could while she was in hospital but its not up to her standard as she is in the wheel chair or using a walker, she really can't get in and clean the shower or the bath, so here I am, getting my cleanliness on.

Dinner Pic's to share

So last night I made homemade pizza, the plan called for cheese only pizza for me, and i know I will probably be in trouble with this one as I did add some green capsicum and some home grown cherry tomatoes but that's all :

My cooked Pizza

'The Husbands' pizza however was a full mishmash of lots of extra's. He really enjoyed his pizza he tells me and mine was good however again I will have to trial bases unless I find the time after work to make my own.

The Husbands, prebaked pizza

The cooking of The Husbands pizza

God the pizza was great, I am so glad that Allan has it on his plan otherwise we would never have ended up making our own.

Weigh in for me tomorrow (I'm 15 hours ahead of you guys)

But first today I will be going out with mum for the first time in ages, and part of it is always eating lunch at the shopping centre..............

Its a nice feeling

It truly does feel good when someone tells you that you have inspired them isn't it?

I have a friend at work you has been listening to me talking about the plan and the fact that we finally put freddie treadie back in his place for me to get physical, physical, I wanna get physical....... anyway, well we both said at the same time "the biggest loser is about to start again so we need to be on our 'treadie' while watching'. Well I said treadie, she was thinking Elliptical Cross Trainer cause she has a bung knee or hip or something. So the friend now wants to do a challenge with said equipment. This should be interesting, not sure what we can do, I thought about the miles completed, she's thinking % weight or something.

Anyway, and then she inspired me, cause I didn't know that she volunteered at a No Kill animal shelter! I love it. I think I wouldn't be able to do it because my heart would break every day but you know what, I think I want to. Its call Pets Haven and isn't too far from me. She stated today she got a call to arms for 50 dogs that they have just rescued from a suspected puppy mill, they are all different types of breeds, and she has decided to take a Saint Bernard, because as she states, no one ever wants the huge dog. She is just fostering it at the moment, but there are many more that need homes. Sadly she told me that there are more that they couldn't save and the RSPCA were going to have to go and euthanize the remaining animals. I can't even imagine the sadness of having to do that but it can't be a barrel of laughs living in the conditions of a puppy mill either.

So other than all the inspiration going around here, the plan as been going well, the appetite is coming back which is good, means that I can follow the plan better. Mum's home from the hospital and things are getting back to normal here, and of course all of the talk at her place about people pulling their weight stopped as soon as she walked back in the door. Geez they make me freakin mad down there, but there really isn't anything I can do about it.

I just breath.....

Quiet over here

So there's not a great deal happening here at the moment which is good.

There are massive clean ups in the flood effected area's. There was something like 22,000 people register to clean up Brisbane alone. They turned up with their buckets and brooms and stood in line to register before being bused off to different suburbs to go into complete strangers homes and help them clean up the mud left from the waters as well as the furniture and the wet plaster. Amazing.

As for me, well I worked some hours on Sunday, which will pay off in my next pay. Yay for me.

Found out I had blown a head light on the buzz box, Boo for me, cost $45 for the replacement globes but it was for 2 not one so I guess that's OK.

I have lost a bit of weight which I am more than pleased about. I did some measurements and found I had lost 2 cms off my thighs each, 2 cms off my stomach as well as my hips, and this is only going into the 3rd week. Happy, yes that is me.

Although the down side of the plan now is that I am not wanting to eat, or should I say, needing to eat. Today I am way down I think on my calories and I've had dinner and don't feel like I need any more for the day. maybe I should exercise more or actually exercise, sorry, confession time. I haven't been exercising at all, except running around work, going directly to the hospital with mum, then back out to home, I leave for work at 7.45am and walk back in most nights at 8.30pm after the hospital which is when I cook dinner and do the dishes. By then its bed time.

Mum comes home from the hospital on Wednesday, 2 more sleeps and then I have my evenings back. I just feel too guilty leaving her in the hospital by herself with no visitors. She is in a room by herself as well which is good in some ways but bad in others. I might even be able to get some overtime in at work and still manage to get home in time to exercise and then dinner. That would be good, so its a plan.

Well off to do the dishes before bed .... Yawn

Weigh In

So its Sunday morning here now, thought I should do the weigh in now instead of being late with a Monday morning weigh in. Am I happy. HELL YEAH

196 pounds, that's a loss this week of 3.5 lbs!

Going to work for a few hours so though I would put in a quick post now. very happy, how will I get this smile off my face???

Horse rescued from Queensland Flood Australia DONATE! 12 Jan 2011

One of the many heros

This man, risked physical harm to rescue this drowning joey from the Queensland floods. If you know anything about Australia, it is to know that these animals really aren't ones for cuddles. They have claws very long and very dangerous to your soft flesh. However this man also risked being arrested for going into the floods waters to save this innocent, drowning joey.

The is one of my hero's.

Check out the video I also posted about a horse rescue.

It is only 3 minutes but while you wait to see if it will be successful it is the longest 3 minutes.

These people, are absolutely my hero's, their selflessness is tremendous and I'm sure allot of people would think foolish but man, they were brave and Thank God they were.

Don't know what day it is

Its some day, a good day, I think.

Today in my own State of Victoria, we also had flooding, not in my home or suburb but close around, there is no danger for me, thank goodness, but I have family in Beaufort in Victoria that has flooding. As soon as I heard this morning I rang my aunt, her phone was engaged. The crazy thought were running through my mind. I got hold of my cousin who lives in Melbourne and she was on the phone with her mother and said she was OK. If anything bad was going to happen she would text me. I called mum at the rehab to tell her, she is mum's only sister. Later that night while I was visiting my mum we were watching the new, there before our eyes we saw my uncles garage .......... flooded. We again tried to call my aunt so mum could talk to her, she wasn't there. We called my cousin again and she said all was still fine for my aunt. Yes the town was flooded but they were at the football club which is being used for the towns people for now. Any more rain and the creek's banks would break and that's when the real problems would begin. So far, so good.

Food, well its going great guns, although I haven't been eating everything, everyday. So what I mean is that I have been eating on plan except I forget to eat so come home with food. I am not replacing these uneaten foods with anything else, just not eating it all. Now this is a huge change from last week when I wanted to eat, well everything plus more.

Tonight I did the pizza thing, better than last week that's for sure, used some old flat things, not pita but things, 'the husband' got a store brought pizza and I added things to it and he LOVED IT, so much so that he is happy for me to continue to 'make' the pizza instead of ordering in. Next time I think I will buy a store brought base for me as well and make individual ones. It was fantastic, thanks Allan for that on the menu.

Well that's it for me, can't weight for weigh in, I think it should be good as long as I'm not holding onto any water.

Double the Style ..........

That's right, today I was awarded the Stylish Blogger Award twice, so does that mean I am doubly stylish??? Brett and Polar's Mom where nice enough to include me in their awards ceremony ...

So what is it I now have to do you may ask??? Of course there will be nominations and of course the speech which includes telling some facts about ME, as well as the formalities of the rules

1. Post and link back to the person who awarded you this award - tick
2. Share 7 things about yourself - tick
3. Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers (or as many as you can) - tick
4. Contact the bloggers and tell them they WON!

So about me .........

1. I never eat mushrooms, NEVER, I don't like the taste, smell or texture, I also lie and tell wait staff I am allergic as does my family and husband.
2. I will do anything, and I mean anything for family, I once nearly quit my job to help my sister in-law cope after losing my brother in-law. (lucky I didn't, she doesn't talk to us anymore anyways)
3. I am a talker, even when I more to another job and think that I will keep my personal life to me, NOPE, can't do, the whole workforce know about my personal problems ;
4. Even though I'm married, I haven't had sex in like FOREVER. Poor 'husband', because of the infertility problems, I can't see the point of it......... sad I know, for 'the husband' anyway
5. I had/have a fear of driving in the rain, wind, bending roads, hills, the list goes on, but I can now drive some of them
6. I am really excited about visiting the US and having my infertility treatment and coming home knocked up
7. I worry that I will end up destitute

Now to nominate my bloggers

Kelly of PoundsforLife

Pam of Plump Nonfiction

Kelly of Life in the Fat Lane

Renea of Renea's Skinny Love

Allan of Almost Gastric Bypass

Sueellen of Trying to Lose

water water water everywhere water

This country is under siege by water!

At the moment obviously it is being reported internationally as well as nationally of the floods in Queensland. It is said that 75% of the State of Queensland is a natural disaster. Let me tell you, Queensland is not a small State.

The water is now also moving north to NSW, they are evacuating there also on the border. And now my very own State (we are in the very smallish State of Victoria) has decided to take on as much water as possible with the massive rain falls expected over the next few days and flooding already occuring in regional centres.

I have been really worried about the animals in all of this floods, last night they placed music to some of the footage which made me cry but to then see cows up to their necks in water, and rapid water it is in Queensland, there was a snake curled up on a fence post and a chicken floating down stream. I can only imagine it is much worse than we see on a small film clip.

Brisbane, Queensland still have yet to have their peak which is expected by 4am tomorrow. The energy companies have turned off allot of the power supplies due to the high voltage power lines which we are now placing under ground in the newer areas.

We have sort of located a friend who is close to the floods, he has his house next door to his elderly parents property in Chuwar not far from Ipswich, their house would more than likely be under water by now. We were able to get a text message through via his stepson, but of course they are all running out of phone charge so that was all we have heard since yesterday.

The company I work for is a national courier company, so we have many colleagues that we would speak to daily that we can't contact, regional depots that are closed. It is just a sad state of affairs. I can't even imagine what will happen with our food prices over the next few month/year, a great deal of our food is grown in Queensland.

God help us all, but it seems he may be the one in control of the rain!

On a happier note: weight is steadily coming down, every morning I have a smile on my face and even after eating and drinking all day, I am happy on the scales. Thanks Allan........

10th Jan. 2011 - Craziness of the floods and still more cities and towns be hit

This is a a whole lot of stories and videos, it is just frightening and to think that there are more towns and major cities that that water will go through before the end. The main city of Brisbane (to imagine Oprah was just there) is under alert at the moment and shops and homes have been advised to leave the area. Airports are closed, roads are washed away, people stand on their homes and they are lucky to be rescued.

I hate to think of the pets and live stock that have been lost in this absolute disaster.

I feel so hopeless for these people, much like when watching the Katrina tragedy and although not the same but the tragedy that was the Twin Towers, just absolute devastation that you can't do anything to help these people and animal. If feels wrong to be worrying about my diet at this time so I won't be mentioning it for a few days but rest assured I am still on plan.

BMI and other Australian news

This morning I decided to look up my current BMI which is 31, the ideal BMI for my height/Age is 19-25, when I look at the higher of the 2 it doesn't seem that far away really, 6 points.


I'm sure that the 6 points are going to be hard worked for, and if I can be better than that, then I will try and achieve this. As of the 1st of May, as long as I stick with 'the plan' my BMI should be 26.3 or there abouts, this will still give me the time I need before the US trip which I am planning at the end of July this year.

The anticipation for the arrival of those numbers are keeping me going that's for sure. Today as I sit here, during my lunch hour, typing this post, I feel really good and feel like I am not as bloated like I have been, my stomach feels a bit flatter which is always a plus. Now if only I could get my legs to skinny up that would be a massive plus.

On another note, something absolutely shocking has happened in the town of Toowoomba in Queensland, the Sunshine State here in Australia. They have just had a massive flood that took everyone by surprise. So far, there is 8 people dead and 72 people missing. Cars have been washed away like toys, smashing into anything and everything in their path. People in their cars, stranded with the water quickly engulfing them.

The story and videos are here. It is really scary to think this could happen anyway at anytime, you are just minding your own business and bang. I just can't understand where all that water comes from, they aren't even close to the beach to think of a tsunami.

So I hope that this post finds anyone who is reading from Toowoomba safe and sound and anyone with friends or relatives near there also safe and sound.

Part 2

So after lunch today I really got stuck into my work and missed my arvo tea break where I was going to eat my yoghurt and strawberries, which I actually didn't mind because every time I go to visit mum in the hospital, its around her dinner time, and even though I would rather eat my own shoe that eat that hospital crap, I tend to get hungry.

So today instead of trying to stop myself eating her lollies or crappy sweet biscuits that come with her cup of tea, I ate my strawberries and yoghurt and it held me over to dinner of steak, rice, beans and carrots (beans were left over from last night) and my left over salad from lunch today. All very satisfying. Although, night time is my worst for snacking and I could snack right now. I can hear 'the husbands' ice cream bowl clacking down in the lounge room so lucky I'm not down there. I haven't yet had my milk today, maybe I could have that glass which will give me a little fill.

The other good news is that mum could be home on the 17th, today week, that is good for me as I won't feel so obligated to visit her every day if she is back home with my dad, my brother and his 3 sons. Plus it would give me some time to do overtime at work $$$$$ plus some early nights home with 'the husband'.

Anywho, can hear the milk calling me........

Start to a new week

So today is the start of another week, the official weigh in brought me 2.2lbs less this week, was thinking I would get something much more but honestly, after what I had done this week with snacking and the mistake with the pizza, I'm just glad I've had a loss.

I have started the day well, had my said waffle, and now lunch, didn't have a roll so had a piece of bread instead. Have my strawberries and yoghurt ready in the fridge for afternoon snack, then home tonight after the hospital visiting mum to have my bite of steak, with rice and carrots.

Must remember to drink all of my fluid, I'm resting at lunch with a Pepsi Max, had 3 coffee's and 500 mls of water, not bad for getting just after 12.52pm with still 3.5 hours of work and another 4-5 hours before bed. I have great plans for this body, and this is all fitting in with my plan as well as Allans.

Well its almost time for me to start working again, so chao for now .........

Horrible sad loss

I can't believe that a couple here in Australia, actually from my own State, although it doesn't matter where they are from could think that this is OK, God only knows what was going through their heads when they decided to terminate their twin boys after undergoing IVF just because they were boys and they had already had 3 boys! I understand that they lost a daughter just after her birth and they appear to want to chase the dream of having a daughter, but to terminate healthy babies, not only after paying a great sum of money for the IVF system, knowing that we do not allow gender selection unless it is for medical reasons, they still went ahead with the IVF option which would have given them a 50/50 chance of a boy or girl. Why not place them for a adoption if they didn't want them, don't just throw them away, like they didn't ever exist. My brain just can not fathom what they have done.

The story from our newspaper is here.

Error in judgement

That's what I call it.

Everything was going so well yesterday, then it was time for the 'cheese only' pizza. Well I thought I would get 'the husband' a standard pizza from the pizza shop and I in my wisdom brought a box pizza from the supermarket, it was thin crust, had cheese, some small amount of tomato and basil. I ate some, it wasn't a huge pizza, considering it was thin crust and had nothing on it, so ate the other half ............... when I was cleaning up I tried to find the calories on the box, there were tucked neatly in a corner on the front. For half the pizza was 441 calories! I ate the lot, that's 882 calories for this paper thin piece of whatever. it wasn't even that filling.

I should have just gotten the WW pizza although it wasn't a 'cheese only' pizza but would have been much less calories and thicker :(

Start pic's a little late

These pictures looked so much better when they were sideways on my camera but I guess this is just where we begin. It looks like I'm already pregnant!

Day 4 and 5 thus far

Sorry I missed day 4 completely but it went well, believe me. They had another food day at work, and although I dutifully brought in my food, I only ate 1 piece of celery and 3 cucumber pieces, no Cheese CC's that were calling me from the other side of the desk or the chippies someone then opened, nope none of that stuff!

Day 5 has started late for me, I actually slept in today, woke at 9.30am, which is amazing for me, tried to stay in bed a bit longer but 'the husband' is outside our bedroom window working on a truck and welding so that was not going to work.

Its hot again here today as it was yesterday but a cool changes should be on its way............

Breakfast is all I have had so far today, I'm not hungry at all which is good and about to start on my water for the day, iced water, just the way I like it.

Although we are dirt poor and I have no money at all, I'm starting to get excited about going to LA in late July, hopefully 'the husband' will come as well but if not I will have to think about taking someone with me, I can't imagine being in a foreign country by myself for a few weeks.

It also dawned on me that I may miss some of our winter here which would be fabulous, so summer her now, some autumn and then head to the US in our winter and your summer, then back here for spring, then summer again, love it!

Anywho, that's it for me for now

Day 3

So today was good, food was good, in the middle of cooking my pasta right now. Am a bit hungry but sorry for TMI but it's TTOM for me so my tummy is pretty sorry and sore for its self.

I haven't been to see mum in a couple of days because I've just felt so darn drained. I feel guilty when I don't go but sometimes I just need to lay on the couch.

Its hot here at the moment at 35 degrees today and 40 expected tomorrow with rain on Saturday of course.

I haven't got much to say, have been to work, its not that bad for the last couple of days but today I was a little quiet so they were worried something was wrong. But alas, nothing that some good pain killers can't fix, maybe some more carbs but they are on the menu tonight anyway.

Tomorrow I have to make a concerted effort to visit the mother in the hospital.

Chao for now ;)

Day 2 - part 2

Today has been really good food wise, fluid wise and even work wise.

I have fixed my lunch for tomorrow, can't wait for breakfast either, 2 small pancakes, please I want them now ...........

If I continue on this way I can't see how I can't lose some weight at weigh in.

I have added a new tab as well to keep a track of my weekly losses, so am optimistic about that.

I got out of a 3 year gym membership that was going to cost me like $1900 dollars for the smaller amount of $207, very happy about that waste of money. I know, its a gym membership and possibly something that us fatties need but a 3 year contract that you can't break is crazy. I may still join a local gym but one with a better contract, if a contract at all. Especially since I do own or am paying off the treadmill I already have and have received a new Xbox for Christmas which I can do exercise with.

I am really jealous of you guys at the moment, it seems that the Biggest Loser is on your screens at the moment, it seems ages since I have seen an American series or even our own Aussie season, although ours may be on its way soon as they keep on advertising 'coming soon'. I freakin love that show, normally on the couch with coke and chips or butter popcorn, but not this year, no sir.

Anyway, think my dinner is cooked, chat later :0

Back again .......

Just nicked down the street to buy my mini pancakes for the morning, some WW ice cream for tonights snack and some 15gram milk chocolate for tomorrow arvo snack and now I want them all, why is that? I normally won't even be bothered with chocolate, the mini pancakes I might go but even the ice cream is normally something that I would normally run to for comfort. It's crazy the way your brain works when you are on a 'plan'..........

Day 2

I'm off to a good start today, I have had all that is on for day 2 food, lunch and snacks are packed for the day ahead, still not looking forward to going back to work today ;( but it has to be done I guess.

I am now the soul bread winner in the family again, 'the husband' wouldn't agree because he is starting/continuing his own business, but until I see the money flowing, I am the only one bringing in a pay cheque.

I have high hopes for the day, except the work part, but all should be good, what's the worst that can happen?

Till later gaters

Day 1 - Part 2

OK, food today was not correct, I'm sorry, I wasn't able to control myself, this is for me not others to bash me or whatever. To be totally honest I did post that I was hungry at 10.53am and it wasn't even lunch time yet. I am disgusted with myself that I couldn't hold out for 1 more hour, I had great intentions of being good, however after posting I walked past the pantry and it called me, it handed me the box of BBQ Shapes, I ate them. I haven't eaten anything since, I thought I had enough calories for lunch and snacks in that box.

I have picked myself back up though, no point killing the rest of the day. I have created the salad bowl, chopped my carrots to boil, boiled the rice and the steak is still defrosting. I will go visit mum first then come home and cook the rest of dinner, then prepare for tomorrow's day at work, make sure there is not an ugly post tomorrow.

Day 1

So yesterday I received my packet from Allan, since I am in another country I had to wait the time zones, so have started today instead of yesterday :(

I must say, its a great start with a waffle which I haven't had in like forever, since living at my mum's and I've been out of home for about 20 years! The only thing I have to ask Allan about is coffee, I love my instant coffee and have many cups per day, I know this will had to the fluid but I do have it with 1 sugar and low fat milk, is he going to shout me down on the coffee? I hope not, I've just had my first cup this morning and am onto the water but I know when 'the husband' gets up, I will want another and then maybe another ..........

Tomorrow I go back to work (yuk) and I am not looking forward to it, I think its because of the new position and I hate that I feel that way. I'm thinking I may have to actually say, hey, this is not for me. I reason why I say that is, I thought it was for me, everyone wants that role, what if later its advertised again and I decide I do want it again, will they look at me differently? I think I am a helper, I love to help the other consultants, have a chat with them, as well as deal with customers, strange I know but I just do. I have never felt like I didn't want to return to my job until now, so that makes me think I must say something.

Anywho, my painting will not get done with me sitting on my backside, so bye for now, will possibly post pic's of my food from today much later. Day 1 on the way and only 117 left :)

Options for the pergola

Realisation

I this morning had a realisation (is that even a word?)

I have read some blogs (like my friend not foe Allan's) who talk about people who have been blogging for years about weight loss and not actually lost any weight.

That's me.

We moved into this house some 8-9 years ago, I met Kek online on a blog, she is now a personal trainer, she lost allot of weight and helped me too. I now realise I weigh more now than I did back then. I got to something like 83 kilos (182 lbs) but now am at 201\202 lbs (91.4/91.8 kilos).

I am a lonely person, maybe I do blog for friendship, I don't think that is that bad, but people who are on a journey whether is be for weight loss or something else (like I also am on a journey to have a baby) must get so frustrated by someone like me, the lack of achievement, not getting anywhere except peddling on the same spot, trying to tell everyone (and myself) that I have peddled for miles.

I want to change my realisation, I will change my realisation. TODAY. (except for this heel split which is killing me)

Once I receive my package from Allan for the new challenge, I will give it my all, to say I have done it, accomplished it, whether it works for me or not, I will have finished something I have started.

All I am saying is ....

pass me another toilet roll and make sure the buckets in front of the toilet when I visit!

why, Why , WHY!

The full length of the pergola isn't clearly shown

but is approx 14.5 metres long, at the very

end is going to be our spa bath and the opposite

end near the BBQ corner will be the Buddha/water feature

Dragon Fly,
a Christmas Present from my sister in-law

There are a total of 3 plants at the moment, not sure
if more will be put in

Centre plant, should grow to approx

2metres tall and a metre wide

The nwe BBQ, cooks beautifully, used for the first time

New Years Eve

I have 2 of these plants, one on either side of the

pink/red one, this should grow to approx

1 metre tall and 1 metre wide