I just don't know what to do with myself...

So after my whinge on my other blog about giving up, in my head, its appears to be more of a challenge than it should be. How hard is it to give up on something that you probably did half heartily anyway. Hard apparently. I still find myself looking at the gym timetable but never go, I withdrew my cancellation of gym membership, cause you just don't know when you might want to use it, although you know that you have only been donating for about 8 months! I really need to do something. I buy stuff for training at home and never use it. My God, how will I snap out of this funk I have found myself in???? When will the commitment bug bite me. When is enough enough?

I need friends, someone I can call on to train with, someone who will get my butt off the couch. Everyone that I think I can call have kids now, no one that can just drop everything to go for a walk or the gym or anything for that matter. Where do I find these people that are like me. Where?

What's a girl to do at 3.10am?

Well yes, I'm up again. Dazza called me at 12.29am to ask for a phone number! Can you believe it. The man who made me promise him that I would sleep the other night, rings me when I would obviously be in bed!!!! So checked that bank account as you do, and couldn't stop thinking about money, as I do. So I have decided to go after Dazza's ex employer for a few law breaches.

1) He doesn't allow employee's to be part of a union, its against their religion, bugger everyone else's religion. (what religion you may be asking, Exclusive Brethren, the crazies always in the news)

2) Doesn't do WorkCover? WTF? He thinks that its the employee's responsiblity to keep safe at work and put up with the concequences. Have since found that this is called 'fraud' with WorkCover.

So I have typed a letter, will get Dazza to sign when he arrives home and their gunna get it in the kisser.

All I am demanding is what is rightfully Dazza's (mine), his unpaid annual leave and the 2 days he worked that they never paid him for. Not much, even giving them until next Tuesday to make the payment, what more could they ask for???

I'll keep you informed of what happens.

Just as funny...............

I went to the doc's today to do medical for adoption and she weighed me...................... mmmmmmmmm I think your scales are wrong I say, she admits she needs new ones but doesn't go and get others from another room, wait for it .............................. 74 kilo's, I love her scales, mine read 82.4 kilo's! I have also always been told I am 170 cm's but she tells me I'm 166 cm's???? Doctor wrote all of this on the report. At least now I may be slightly overweight instead of 'obese'.

Got another one for ya

Men are like......

1. Men are like ..Laxatives .... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like.Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ..Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ..Chocolate Bars ... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ..Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores .... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like .......Government Bonds ... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ......Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms ... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ..Lava Lamps .. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Valerian - the wonder herb

VALERIAN ROOT
such a pretty flower with a terrible name

Oh last night was much better sleep after taking some 'Valerian', it is a wonder herb I tell you. Its amazing how this large capsules can help in the restful night on one. I must admit I did still wake about 2 times through the night before getting up at 5.45am but was easy to go back to sleep. Not like the night before thats for sure.
http://www.herron.com.au/products/nhc/valerianplus2000.html

Funny hahaha

Banbury senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z3 convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M40, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 110mph, then 120, then 130mph. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.

"The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back.

"Have a good day, Sir," said the policeman

How will I make it through the day

Well its just after 6 am, I've been up about 20 minutes so far and boy am I tired. How can I tell? You know when it feels like you have eye lashes in your eyes cause they are sore? That's me this morning and the day hasn't even begun. I think I can even tell you the times that I woke last night, went to bed at 10.11pm, woke at 11.11pm, woke 12.30am, woke 2.01am, sent txt to Dazza at 3.10 am, he got in at 4am, my alarm went off at 5.30am. JOY

I think I will try a natural supplement to sleep at night, I did have a cup of Chamomile and Vanilla tea before bed thinking it would help, but no. Oh well, on with the sleep walking today.............

Geez whats that about?

I have had real trouble sleeping over the last couple of nights, it seems that my old trouble of 'when Dazza's away' my brain will not sleep. He has made me promise tonight I will get some sleep. I can't help it. When he isn't in the house, I can only sleep for a max of 1 1/2 hours at a time. Its all his fault I tell you, not mine. I don't know how I'm ever going to fix this problem. I guess I have always felt insecure alone in the house at night, no matter where we have ever lived. Must sleep tonight, have early shifts this week so will definitely need sleep to get through the week.

I have also come to the decision to jump straight back into another challenge at the end of this one. I know I haven't lost allot of weight however my clothes do feel looser, don't know how but they do. Maybe they are just to old and they are falling apart, that could be the reason :(

I have also found others like me who are from Aus adopting for Thailand, oh I may not have told you that's where we (I) had decided to adopt from, our choices are in order: Thailand, Philippines, Hong Kong and Korea. Our (my) choices were made up of 1)time frame to allocation 2)travel time 3)children's ages 4)special consideration for childless couples and finally 5)cost in other country.

Well, off to do more cleaning before trying to catch some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

**********HELP WANTED!**********

GENEALOGY EXPERT
(OR PRETEND EXPERT)

I need to do our family tree for the adoption but really don't know where to begin. As sad as it is, no one in mine or Dazza's family know much about their heritage. I plan on changing that from here on out.
The only problem is resources. I plan on going to the State Library today as I believe that they have a 'genealogy' room and it has allot on information in it. I just have to work out how/what/when, I guess its just like a big game.

Any idea's, hints or tips welcome :)

I made it through the night

So I made it through the night, I did cleaning and ironing, one of my most favorite things NOT. I heard Dazza walk in at 3am and made him get up at 8am to tell me all about it :O, I'm a terrible wife. He's now gone back to bed after 2 hours up, which is good cause I' hate for him to be tired tonight. He now tells me that, at the drop of a hat, he can be sent interstate. What the???? No one said that I wouldn't see him for days at a time. Its one thing to be gone all night but at least I end up in bed with him if only for a few passing hours but to me missing in action for days at a time, if not more, well that's another thing. I guess I will have to be kept warm by all that MONEY instead. Now that I think about it, its more like having free money without the hassle, I think I like this job more and more everyday.

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Had some issues myself at work yesterday. Found that my 3 month secondment had been extended another 4 weeks, Not Happy Jan! You see at the end of the secondment, we were meant to 1) become permanent in the role or 2) go back to previous position. I had thought about it coming up the the 3 month mark and due to what was said to me by my manager and team manager, I thought everything was fine. After all I had been selected to go to the City location to do testing for them on the new Queensland project. It appears that my stats for sales aren't where they want them. However all along I had been told I was doing a great job, doing better that some who had been in the role for years, that they didn't want me to even think about returning to my previous job, not to worry about sales even though they would prefer that we make at least 2 per day (that's changing people form other retailers not up selling on current customers). They used the amount of sales I had made since being in the role against me but they don't pro rata??? I was on annual leave for 2 weeks in the secondment and I was at testing (for them) for a week, so out of the 3 months (keep in mind this month isn't even finished) I was away for at least 3 weeks. My first months stats where 55%, second month 27% and third month 10%, now if they had pro rata the stats I would have been over 50% for all of the months but no they don't do that? I only had to be over 50% to be made permanent.

I went into a meeting with both the Sales Manager and my Team Manager to let them know how I felt about this and we came to a decision that mine would be extended for 2 weeks and that I would have 2 weeks worth of training and support, this I might add was at my request as they will just be letting everyone else continue with what they are doing already (which isn't succeeding anyway). I couldn't believe that they hadn't thought through what they needed to do in this extra 4 weeks. If they want staff to improve, surely they have to provide extra coaching so that they make it through the next 4 weeks. They wanted me to know that it's OK because you will still get your 'pay increment' but I told them, that's not the point. I just don't like people moving the goal post when it is already in sight. I like to be the best that I can be but to have someone tell me I'm not good enough, which in reality this is what they are saying, I just won't take it lying down. They need to put more into coaching if they think not only the secondment staff aren't cutting but also the permanents that already there.

Well that's my whinge for today, lets see if I can be more cheerful later.

Dazza's first day at the new job

So Dazza got himself a new job this week, actually he got himself more than one but he started the one he has chosen tonight. He is now working nights instead of days as its better money wise. So this is also the first night that I will be spending alone. He starts at 6pm, through to 2am or longer depending on overtime. I asked, so does that mean I no longer cook dinner for you, just myself? Yes was the reply. I thinks this is good because when grocery shopping, I'll be shopping for 1 and also the dogs can be back on the bed until he gets home anyways. Well that all seemed fine until I get a call from him tonight to ask me to make him dinner and leave it in the microwave for him! What happened to my easy nights alone????? Not to mention, I am a big scaredy cat who hates being by myself at night time, especially as I only have my girly dogs and no touch mean big dog. Whats a girl to do............................. oh I know, I think we shall adopt a Rotti or a German Sheppard, I'll discuss this with the 'bread winner' when I actually see him, which should be, oh, on Saturday.

Today is food day, great!

So as one of my colleagues is leaving the nest today, they have deemed it food day. I have looked at the list of what others are taking and it appears I will be starving! But I have decided to bring MY food for food day, don't know if everyone else will deem it good Food Day food but here it is.


Thought I would show a after photo of the fruit platter, I must say I was surprised that any of it was eaten at all.
I also dragged my sorry butt out of bed this morning, albeit late, and did some exercise. It doesn't seem to matter how early I go to bed I seem to find it difficult to get up early. This DVD is 'Walk & Kick' so you get some kick boxing in it, not a huge amount of kick boxing but enough to work up a sweat.

Just a funny picture

My brain won't switch off

I tell you food is the most confusing thing. I've been thinking that I might use my Eating for Life book more but find that after writing down all of the ingredients, it just seems to hard. Normally I would have a protein shake for breakfast because I'm not much for eating in the morning but thought as it is Sunday I would cook breakie for me. Well it was fast and all but in the end, not that rewarding, would probably still been happy to have my shake instead. So now after working on a menu last night and creating a shopping list, I have tossed it all today and thought, just go simple Sue. So my new plan is to have the following:

M1: Protein shake
M2: Boiled egg and fruit
M3: Some sort of protein and carbs like sandwich or something that I make like Broccolli frittata
M4: Protein shake
M5: 200g lean meat and veg
M6: if required, maybe diet jelly or fruit and cottage cheese (this will be a tst cause I can't imagine eating sweet with savoury :-/)

Let me know what you think anyone/everyone...............

So here they are............... the photo's

Now remember that I saw this hair do in a newspaper and went straight from the train to the hairdressers, crazy maybe but thats me. Now also remember I hate having my photo taken and don't think its very fair that I have to plaster my fat neck on the net.


Actually looking at the rear pic's I actually like my neck in reverse, do you think I could walk around back wards always?? Do you think people would think I was rude if I spoke to them with my back to them, surely not if they saw my nice reverse neck????

Didn't think I do but I do

I really didn't think I had anything to post but then realised of course what about how I'm now going to be freezing on my way to work after I got ALL MY HAIR CUT OFF! As I have probably stated previously, this week I worked from the city instead of my normal work place, well on the way to the train station I picked up the free MX Magazine/newspaper and they was a picture of Posh Spice on the cover with this very short at the back long at the front bob thingy, and I though I could have that, so on the train I go, get to end destination, call Dazza to pick me up and straight to the hairdressers. off comes my hair and to boot Dazza gets his hair done as well, OFF, you see he is 'thinning' at the back (bald spot, shhhhh) so went for something different. So I will have to get some photo's taken of the new do's and give you all al look.

I also went to the new DFO at the station and found my friend Converse, I got runners, fleecy track pants, a singlet, a t-shirt, a waterproof thin jacket and a pink zip up jacket, I also got a yellow tee from Portmans for only $4.95, stuff from Converse = $119 (I'm the biggest scabb remember so can hunt out a bargin). I never try anything on and guess what, it all fits, even the 'M' tee from Portmans, and the large stuff from Converse also fit. Yay for me.

Well better get my butt off this computer and get ready for work again.

My dogs are STARS :-)

Check out my puppies on the below web page, they are in May and June photo gallary, you find Becky & Chuck in May and Shelby & Molly in June.

http://www.dogmetro.com.au/home.htm

Had my first shake this morning, think it will take a bit of getting used to, not sure on the taste but that one down, many more to follow.

Today has been a better day for me, I am in the middle of cooking dinner, chicken breast in Nandos sauce with sweet potato and peas. Dazza will have chips with his chicken as per normal, how boring.

Tomorrow is weigh in day and I might take a pass on that one until next week, or until I can come up with another excuse why not to embarrass myself with failure.

Finally took the plunge

Today I went to Evelyn Faye to get some protein, after chatting away to one of the guys about what I was looking for, he suggested Ladybird Figure Tone. I was able to pick up a 1.25kg tub with a shaker for $44.60, which worked out to $1.08 per serve. (not bad huh Kerryn?), picked it up in vanilla so that I can add to it to change the flavour if I get bored with it.
Now all I have to do is get my head around my carbs, proteins and fats and not think of everything as bad food when its not. I need to take a step back and concentrate on 1 meal at a time and if I am making it from scratch, it must be better than take away, which I don't know what has been used to make it.

Tuesday 12th June

Today started off good and turned a bit crappy but I was able to turn it around thank goodness. Food wasn't too bad until tonight but this is what I have eaten today.
M1: coffee, then banana smoothy (but put in walnuts that make it taste yuk)
M2: 1 1/2 slices of multigrain bread with large bowl of home made spicy tomato soup
M3: 75gm packet of pretzels
M4: small lamb kebab (told you it was good until tonight)
I think the trouble is that I get stuck on food, its not that I don't what to make or eat but I see carbs in the evening as a bad thing so I feel that when I eat even sweet potato or corn, that I have let myself down. Even though it is better than takeaway it still freaks me out. Take for example, whilst at the kebab shop I brought for tomorrow a chicken pide, which is carbs (bread) with chicken in it (off the spit and diced), I am confused if this is good food or bad, it has carbs, protein and fats but is it good?
I think I will have to do a supermarket safari with Kerryn.

Things we did on the weekend

On the weekend we decided, well I decided that it would be a great idea to paint this kids bedroom suite from red to ................... I don't know but a neutral colour like cream, it turned out to be a bigger job than I first thought so this is as far as we have gotten.

We plan on painting them a cream colour so that they will make either a girl or a boy, although Dazza thinks I've already got my mind set on a girl. Like we can choose???? We can't.

Today I caught the bus and train to our head off in the city and once off the train saw the stairs at Flagstaff Station and thought, I can do that, 50 stairs later and I looked up again and saw another 50, well that wasn't going to happen but I plan on getting up both sets of stairs by Friday. I tried but failed to get a picture off the net of the stairs at Flagstaff so by Friday I will post a picture that I take of them.

Darn car!

So today after rushing around, getting food prepared, animals done and all the other things we all do, I go out to jump in the car but with the push of the button, she decides, nope, sorry I preferred to be locked. I play a cat and mouse game with the dam thing but decide, well its just gunna have to stay at home and I'll catch a train to the city since I had to go there this week for some computer stuff for work. I then think, best check the time table for Vline (the beauty of living close but still far enough away from Melbourne city Vline trains, 20 minutes, no stops and your there) however Vline and Melbourne throw a spanner in the works as well! We are going a new train line so all trains replaced with coaches! I don't think so. So I will have to catch the bus to the other station and then catch a normal train to the city, oh should only take me an hour and a half. So much for me laughing at the guys at work who were going to drive in. I'm thinking, great I have an ipod, a book and then I have some exercise all within 30 minutes. NOT.

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No sooner did I finish this post, but got a call from work to catch cab to work and then cab to city but I can't really afford to catch cabs around Melbourne. So hopefully I won't get my butt kicked when I get back to normal work on Monday. Its not like I planned this, I would actually prefer to be at work than sitting around waiting to catch a bus!

I've been naughty :-(

I have a confession to make.................. actually I could confess a few fopars but in general its take away. Since Friday night (which is the last time I was good) Dazza had pizza and I made the trip to Safeway to pick me a up a Weight Watchers pizza, then came Saturday, not much in the food thing, lunch was roasted veggie focaccia, dinner noodle box, of which I only ate about a quarter but had eaten along with Dazza a bag of prawn crackers! Sunday, didn't eat much until dinner, which became tomato based fettucini and garlic & cheese focaccia :-( and of course since Monday was a holiday (no work = no structure) and we cleaned the garage, didn't eat much again, accept for coffee, so dinner was fish and chips......................... I can't believe I ate SO much take away. For someone who is worried about spending money, I spent way too much this weekend. 2 trips to Mitre 10 Mega and goodbye to $200 + all that take away makes me a broke little girl.

I did no exercise this whole week end, dogs missed out except for some frisbee in the yard. I've been giving them 'human' food again which I know is bad for them and especially for 'catdog' as she is prone to obesity just like mum. She did however get on the table and start eating my Vita-Weats. I know this as they were on the floor when we got home from Noodle Box. I think she fell off the table because she couldn't jump for the night as she must have hurt her leg or back when falling but she was ok by morning when I thought I might have had to take her to the vet.

So getting back to me, since I've been bad, I weighed myself this morning!!!!!!!!!! I won't tell you what they said but I will have to do something good to make them go down by Friday and not up. So I had better get to it.

Tired girl today

I just don't understand why I am so fatigued? I really hardly do anything but boy, come the end of the day, I'm buggered. As per my food and exercise diary, food day was better than yesterday but not the best. Did exercise so will remain committed to the exercise plan, I have only 8 weeks left of the challenge and my plan is 6 weeks so surely I could stick to that????????

I have found it interesting that no one commented on my last blog but really not surprised as of course we all have our own opinions and no one likes to offend. Just remember I have contacts :-)

I have been put on a project at work for next week, playing with out accounts program, see if we can break it, so that will be a good break from the phones.

We have finally come to the conclusion that we will commence inter country adoption, expression of interest is in with out cheque for the education days so watch this space. It will end up being a long time before we receive allocation but at least we can get to the next stage of the 3 day ed classes. Boy might even have to start a new blog to trace our steps on that journey.

Well I'm done for tonight, read every ones blogs and am plum tuckered out. Nightie night and don't let the bed bugs bite.

YAH FAT TONY MOKBEL CAUGHT!

Thank God Tony Mokbel has been caught in Greece last night living his life of luxury whilst my cousin lives her life behind bars. I'm hoping that this may mean she could be released soon. I know allot of people will have allot of different views of Renate, yes she was stupid for getting mixed up with that family but can you really help who you fall in love with?? Renate and Milad have been together for at least the past 25 years, she is only a year younger than me which means that she was a teenager when first got with Milad, how was she to know what would eventually happen. I remember when we were younger, she was and is still no different to me. Could you imagine when approached by your husband and brother in-law, to put your home up as surety, not knowing everything that they were involved in, imagine saying NO, would she have been the next to be a victim of the 'gangland killings'? We all know now that Tony has not conscience, why would he care if she wasn't around for her kids, he didn't care that she was in jail now away from her kids.
I can't even imagine what she will say to Tony or even Milad when she gets a chance, once released where will she go, what will she do? Her poor mother is stuggling with cancer and is trying to hold it together, how do you make something like this up to your family that have supported you, through thick and thin, whether your fault or not. I just hope that she can put it behind her and that this does not define her as a person. I hope that people learn to not judge until they know her. She is a good person with a good heart.

We, your family love you Renate and believe in you.

I'm through it unscathed

Whats with the calve cramps at night whilst trying to sleep????????

Its Sunday and all is quite ................ that is of course except for MY BARKING DOGS! I tell you, they just bark for the dam fun of it. I must admit they haven't been for a walk in a couple of days and this is probably part of the reason for the barking and that Demolition dog is starting to rip up any paper she can get hold of in the house and the reason why she ripped up a outside cushion during the week. Bad is me for not walking them. But time and weather constraints have been an issue, although we do need the rain. And for this reason I have told the husband we need a treadmill for that I can put the puppies on when its raining (not to mention I really want it for me;-})

Well as I previously stated I went to work yesterday for my 7.5 hrs and now I will have Wednesday off just for me and my dogs, oh and Dazza wants me to go somewhere for him to. Saturdays are good at work because its generally really quite, I think I probably took 25 calls all day, but it gives you time to do things that you want to do. I found that there are quite a few people at work who would either like to do Body for Life, 12 week Body Blitz or just improve their life some how. We all seemed to be sitting together as well. So I have shared everything I have, recipes, plans, exercise and the like and they will all be starting. I have shared my blog address and they are on their ways. Get ready for some newbies on the forum as well as messages on blogs I would say.

I went to Kmart last night for some t-shirts for Dazza to airbrush and saw an exercise bike marked down to $60, didn't read the sticker as to why but it has played on my mind this morning and want to go back and get it today. I just hope its still there or I'll have to buy a new one which I think was only $169 anyway. Just have to drag Dazza out of bed with a false claim to be getting something for him so that we can take the ute. Gee I'm sneaky, but its good. :-P

Saturday ............... why did I?????????

Tomorrow, Saturday I will be doing overtime from 8.30am - 4.30pm however I get Wednesday off and also get paid for the day. How good is that. So I work tomorrow, get paid time and a half with meal money and get Wednesday off which is also paid. Nice work huh. Although that also means that I can't sleep in tomorrow which is what I always want to do but never actual do anyway. Went to my mum's for Adams birthday and had a little KFC, not a great deal and ended up washing all of the dishes, oh nearly ommited that I ate birthday cake. Oh well its once in a while and I'm feeling sorry for myself anyway, with Shelbs gone and TOM anyway. I'm about to jump into bed as I'm a tired vegemite tonight.

Today is a day of mixed emotions

I'll start with my sad stuff first.................. today is the anniversary of the death of my beloved Shelby, she died 12 months ago today from a brain tumor that we didn't even know she had. It was really quick as we awoke to her falling all over the place and thought maybe a stroke. Our worst fear wasn't the case when we got her to the vet as it wasn't a stroke but a brain tumor that they couldn't fix. We had to put Shelby to sleep with 2 hours of finding her like this. Shelby gave us unconditional love for nearly 16 years and is sorely missed. I think of her often and wish I could just pat her again or snuggle on the bed with her. She was my baby. We miss you Shelbs.

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Today is also my nephews 19th birthday so after work will have to go to mum's for dinner. He's a funny boy and has only invited his girlfriend and 2 mates, its funny because its still like a kids party where you choose whats for tea and invite a friend. No huge parties or going to nightclubs which is what most of us and a lot of young ones would do, but each to their own. Happy birthday Adam.

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And finally to me, I weighed myself this morning, which I do most morning I might add but today is weigh in day and I am done 500gms, so happy but not over the moon. Yesterday I weighed less but its TOM for me, which also i didn't realise until yesterday at work again no less. Thought whats happening here this cant be right, its only day 16 when in actaul fact it was day 27!!!!! So I think I would have weighed less today if it wasn't for that dam womens issues.