Why is it so easy to lie? It was always very hard to lie before but I find it the easiest to lie to myself. Wouldn't you think that as 'you' know the truth, that it would be harder to lie to one's self? I break promises to myself that I would never break to a friend or a family member, why is that? Everyday I find that I lie to myself about my health, exercise routine and anything else that I can come up with an excuse about. 'It's OK, its only 1 day, we'll start again tomorrow', however you know darn well tomorrow will never arrive. What is it that I need to be real to myself? I don't find writing myself a contract is anything as no one else knows if I change the date or rip it up ................................ what is it that I need? I sometimes think that if I was hit with an illness I would know what life is all about and fight more to stay healthy, why can't I do that now instead of waiting for the bus to hit me?????????????
Must go to mothers today to paint, I piked it yesterday, was felling a little under the weather, or was I? Mum continued without me until she ran out of paint. Why can't I have her attitude? Just get it done. She is like a work horse. If I am most like her in every other way, why not in the get up and go way? Why do I have to take after my lazy father when it comes to work? I feel guilty for not going to mum's yesterday but I did wake up with a sore throat and felt crap. But my mum has so many illness, I think at the last count about 12 that will not ever go away and she has been living with them for the past 50 years but even though she does complain, she still gets the job done. If it hadn't been for me taking these 2 weeks off and telling her I would help her paint, she wouldn't have even bothered, and then I pike on her. Whats wrong with me?
Must take the dogs for a walk before I go to mum's as Dazza has school tonight so I can't wait for him. Oh well, they love a walk with their mumma.
Better go before I find an excuse not to.