Why is it so easy to lie? It was always very hard to lie before but I find it the easiest to lie to myself. Wouldn't you think that as 'you' know the truth, that it would be harder to lie to one's self? I break promises to myself that I would never break to a friend or a family member, why is that? Everyday I find that I lie to myself about my health, exercise routine and anything else that I can come up with an excuse about. 'It's OK, its only 1 day, we'll start again tomorrow', however you know darn well tomorrow will never arrive. What is it that I need to be real to myself? I don't find writing myself a contract is anything as no one else knows if I change the date or rip it up ................................ what is it that I need? I sometimes think that if I was hit with an illness I would know what life is all about and fight more to stay healthy, why can't I do that now instead of waiting for the bus to hit me?????????????
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Must go to mothers today to paint, I piked it yesterday, was felling a little under the weather, or was I? Mum continued without me until she ran out of paint. Why can't I have her attitude? Just get it done. She is like a work horse. If I am most like her in every other way, why not in the get up and go way? Why do I have to take after my lazy father when it comes to work? I feel guilty for not going to mum's yesterday but I did wake up with a sore throat and felt crap. But my mum has so many illness, I think at the last count about 12 that will not ever go away and she has been living with them for the past 50 years but even though she does complain, she still gets the job done. If it hadn't been for me taking these 2 weeks off and telling her I would help her paint, she wouldn't have even bothered, and then I pike on her. Whats wrong with me?
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Must take the dogs for a walk before I go to mum's as Dazza has school tonight so I can't wait for him. Oh well, they love a walk with their mumma.
Better go before I find an excuse not to.
4 comments:
I know exactly what you mean Sue. I know that I can get the body I have always desired, but I always thinks that I'm not that bad or this food treat won't hurt or skipping exercise this time is ok, but it isn't because one treat or skipping one exercise session leads to several treats and missed sessions and the weight starts piling on. I put on 4.5 kg's in 6 weeks. Imagine what would of happened if i didn't start another challenge, i dread to think. I'm not sure why we lie to ourselves, but it sure doesn't help us. I'm finding the challenges get me back on track.
You can do it Sue. I know you can and I'm looking forward to seeing your after photos :)
btw you said that you got 2 free womens fitness and health magazines from entering the body blitz challenge. I haven't even got one and have also entered twice. I'd like to know where mine has gone...
I was suprised that I even got one because previously when I have entered, I have had to request them as they never turned up.
Thank you for your comments on my blog Sue.
You sound very hard on yourself Sue. Committing to a healthy lifestyle is not easy, we have spent many years creating bad habits that we need to overcome. Bad habits don't make us bad people. It took me a lot of starts to finally "start". I still trip up now and again, especially with food. The difference is now I leave the guilt alone and carry on with my healthy lifestyle.
You are definitely being way too hard on yourself. I did about three body for life challenges, but still managed that smoking was okay. I nursed my mum in her last two weeks with cancer, and there I was puffing away - I looked great, I was as light as I've ever been, but stank like a filthy ashtray and god only knows what I started to look like on the inside.
So I knew I was still really lying to myself that I was okay.
Sometimes we just have to take a good hard look at ourselves and not be so hard on ourselves. Nobody is perfect. We all have vices. BUT we need to work out what makes us happy. What is the thing that is going to make us keep focussed.
I could easily pick up a cigarette and have a puff at any time of the week - it's been nearly a year and it's still lurking occasionally in my thoughts - but..I am determined to stay healthy, to be the best I can be for the rest of my years - and I intend for those to be quite a few still to go! These are the things that make me haul my butt (the good one, not the ciggy one) down the beach in the mornings.
I think you need some 'me' time to work out what makes you happy and focus on that.
Big hugs
Caroline
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